Dōseiaisha
by Cardboard Bike
Summary: A homophobic Konoha discovers that Kakashi is gay, and turn their backs on him. The only one who will stand by him is Iruka, and as time passes Kakashi begins to feel more than gratitude for the young sensei. But Iruka is straight, right?
1. Reveal

_This is my homophobic fic because as much as we'd all like it it's highly unlikely that half the village is gay and the rest are perfectly okay with it. It even features a straight Genma *gasp* _

_If anyone has a title they think would be good for this, leave me a review because I have no idea what to call it._

**o0o**

"This is so boring," Genma whined, spitting out his senbon and getting another bullseye. He kicked at the rug beside him bad-temperedly. "This village has sucked since that shit Danzo shut down the betting pool. Even Tsunade-sama won't go against him."

"Definitely," Asuma agreed, chugging his beer and setting it back down on the table with a little more force than necessary. "What's a jounin gotta do to have some fun around here?"

"It is pretty quiet," Raidou agreed.

"Much too quiet," Aoba added.

Anko grinned wickedly. Bringing the boys to her apartment and getting them drunk had been a splendid idea, if she didn't say so herself. "Why don't we start up an underground betting pool?" she suggested innocently. "I'm sure Tsunade-sama would love to be in on it."

Four heads swiveled to stare at her.

"I don't know," Raidou said slowly, "It seems a little risky."

"Looks like someone needs to grow some balls." Genma smirked, and spat his current senbon to thunk into the chair inches from Raidou's crotch. Raidou didn't flinch. "I'm in on that, even if Rai-_chan_ is too pussy."

Raidou yanked the senbon out of his chair and threw it back to its owner, who somehow managed to catch it between his teeth with a grin. "Don't tempt me, Gen-_chan,_" he snarled, then turned back to Anko. "What kind of bets are we talking about here, and who is involved?"

"Well, we could start with just us," she paused and looked at Asuma and Aoba, "Are you guys in on this?" They both nodded. "And then perhaps leak rumours to people who might be interested. Ebisu would be willing, I bet."

"Are we going from the old list, or starting a new one?" Genma asked, twirling his senbon with his tongue. "I can remember some of them, but not who placed what bets."

Anko shrugged. "We should probably start a new list. Based on dares, that seems fun, right?"

"If we're going for dares," Asuma said thoughtfully, "I'd like to see someone steal all Gai's spandex and replace it with a tutu."

Everyone else in the room cringed. "Are you serious?" Aoba spluttered. "He goes around showing enough man bulge already, thank you very much."

Genma and Raidou nodded in agreement, looking slightly green. Asuma held his hands up in mock surrender. "Alright, alright, I just thought it'd be worth a laugh."

Anko giggled. "That's not actually much of a dare. I bet if his 'Eternal Rival' dared him to have a cross-dressing competition he'd do it of his own accord."

Genma snorted. "Someone should tell Kakashi that. He'd happily forfeit a challenge for a chance to see Gai make a fool out of himself."

"Kakashi's not really a better, is he?" Raidou mused.

"Nah, not since we started betting on who could see under his mask first. He wasn't very happy about that," Genma said. "Why?"

"Well I reckon someone should try and steal his book. _That_ would be more amusing than Gai showing more skin than usual."

Anko burst out laughing. "He'd go nuts if you stole his porn! Damn pervert doesn't go anywhere without it."

Aoba stared at Raidou dubiously. "I'd like to see that, but I don't know if it's actually possible. If he ever found out we took it, which he would because he's a damn genius, we'd be dead. That's if we manage to get it in the first place."

"I'll do it," Anko crowed, hoisting herself onto the table and pumping her fist in the air. "You can bet on how long you think it'll take me. My bet is three days."

"I say a week," Genma said, "But any days he's out on a mission overnight don't count."

"Twenty eight days," Aoba said, "If you can do it at all."

"Thirteen," Asuma put in.

Raidou smiled. "Nine days. And could we perhaps also bet on what his reaction is when he finds out it's gone?"

There was a sudden scrabbling for pens and paper. "Right. Lets make this official."

**o0o**

Surprisingly it only took four days for Anko to get the book. Kakashi was sitting on a hill just outside the village and seemed distracted, staring off into the middle distance at nothing, so she'd simply leaned against him, smiled coyly and batted her eyelashes. "Hey Hunky. Whatcha doing?"

"Hunky?" Kakashi snapped out of whatever he was thinking and stared blankly at her.

"Uhuh." She shuffled closer, hoping perhaps she could take him to bed and put to sleep the older bet about what was under the mask, even if she wouldn't get money for it. He was quite attractive after all, in an aloof, scarred way. She was quite partial to scars on a man.

Kakashi shifted away slightly. "I'm not interested."

"Oh please?" Anko pouted. "Just take me out to dinner, I'll even pay."

"I'm flattered," he didn't sound it, "But you're not my type."

"Could I make myself your type?" Anko asked, and henged into a busty blonde with only small strips of material covering the parts that counted.

Kakashi moved away even further. "That's worse." He actually had the gall to look disgusted.

"Oh, _pretty_ please?" she begged, throwing herself on top of the unsuspecting jounin so her large breasts bounced in his face.

He squeezed his eye closed and tried to breathe properly. "Please get off Anko, I don't want to have to hurt you."

"Oh, but I like being naughty in the bedroom," Anko purred, slipping her hands up underneath his flak jacket. If she remembered correctly, he kept his book in a special waterproof pocket on the inside of it. "You can hurt me all you like."

She pushed into his crotch and wiggled her hips, trying to distract him as she slipped the little orange book out of its hiding place. She was really annoyed to feel that there was nothing hard in his pants at all. _Stupid Copy-nin deserves to have his porn stolen if he doesn't have the decency to be attracted to me._

"Anko!"

Within seconds Kakashi could breathe again, and sat gasping for a while as Anko stood dejected before him, having released the henge. "I guess you just don't have good taste," she said snootily, and marched off back down the hill.

Kakashi stared after her, dazed. _What the hell just happened?_

**o0o**

"Emergency team meeting," Anko crowed, waltzing into the mission room. "The eagle has flown the nest."

Genma stared at her dumbly. "You realize that's code for 'the person we're looking for has taken off,' right? And it's a pointless code, because everyone knows what it means anyway?"

Anko glared at him. "I mean, the pirate has found the treasure?"

Genma smirked. It was entertaining to rile Anko up, although a somewhat dangerous sport. "You mean that a guy with scars got booty?"

"I wish." Anko sighed. "I practically threw myself on him and he politely told me to fuck off. What's up with that anyway? I'm not ugly."

Raidou snorted. "He probably just doesn't want diseases. You're a bit of a slut, Anko."

Anko's face was going purple. Genma smiled wickedly, senbon glinting. "What do you mean, 'a bit of'? I'd say she's 100% slut."

Anko stomped her feet and clenched her fists. "Do you want to see the damn book or not?"

"Maybe later tonight," Genma said lazily. "I'm kind of busy right now."

"What do you mean, busy? You're just standing around throwing paper planes at genin," Anko snarled.

Genma shrugged. "So what? It's very entertaining. It's not my fault we're short on missions at the moment."

"What he means," Raidou put in hurriedly, "Is that Asuma's on a mission and won't be back for a couple of hours. We need to wait for him, and find Aoba."

Anko seethed. "Fine then. My place at six. And remember to bring all your money, because I won."

**o0o**

Kakashi was feeling awkward. He'd stayed on the hill for a few hours after Anko had left, chatting to Obito and avoiding thinking about the crazy purple-haired Kunoichi. It was close to the day of the Kyuubi attack and the memorial stone had been getting quite crowded as of late. He didn't think that Obito would care where he talked to him. Actually he didn't think Obito would care at all, but he didn't want to admit even to himself that the only reason he spoke to dead people was because he had no one alive that he could share his problems with.

He was feeling awkward because he was now walking through the streets of Konoha to get home and people were trying to talk to him. They tended to keep their distance when he was reading porn but if he wasn't he was fair game. For some reason they _liked_ to get his attention, even if he didn't really respond to them. He sighed and wished he'd remembered to get the book out before he'd entered the gates. He couldn't get it out now because that would be too rude.

"Hatake-sama, I feel safe with strong men like you defending our village."

"Hatake-same, have these carrots. I grew them in my own garden!"

"Hatake-sama, I bet you're ever so handsome under that mask."

"Oh have my babies, Hatake-sama!"

Kakashi kept walking through the throngs of admiring villagers stoically. He had no idea who _Hatake-sama_ was, because he'd be damned if he ever deserved to be called that. _Kakashi_ is just fine, thank you.

He reached his door and dispelled the wards quickly but without seeming to hurry. As soon as it was open he stepped inside and slammed it behind him, leaning against the wall with a sign. _Home sweet home,_ he thought bitterly. Now that he was here he couldn't remember why he'd been in such a hurry to get home before the villagers had mobbed him. There was nothing to do. He considered going out for a drink as Asuma had suggested he do many times but decided against it. Alcohol loosened the tongue and he had secrets that he definitely couldn't spill. Besides, bars were noisy and crowded and filled with brash people like Shiranui Genma and Anko, and other people who gained carbon copy Maito Gai personalities after a few drinks. He didn't understand why people would choose to spend their evenings that way.

Kakashi flopped down on his couch and reached into his flak jacket to pull out his Icha Icha. If nothing else, his porn was always there for him. He froze. _Icha Icha wasn't there._ His mind slammed into overdrive immediately. He didn't have to look at his perfectly straight bookshelf to see that there was a gap in the centre of his collection, but he did anyway. His mind ticked through the events of the day, and he groaned heavily when he realized where he'd gone wrong. _Anko._ She'd have looked by now, and then she'd know.

He didn't want to read any more. Felling like his body was made of rocks he dragged himself to his bedroom, stripped and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over his head. _If I just sleep now when I wake up it won't have happened, _he thought optimistically. _Who am I kidding. I'm fucked._

**o0o**

Anko slipped the little orange book out from underneath her coat and bowed theatrically. "Taadaa!" she cried.

The four men crowded forward to stare at it. From its tattered state and the way the orange was fading it was definitely Kakashi's. They didn't say anything for a while.

"I wonder if he writes notes in the margins," Genma said eventually. It didn't seem as exciting a plan now that they actually had the book. "You know, like 'must try this, but substitute chocolate for peanut butter.'"

Aoba stared at him. "Peanut putter? Really? That's the best you can come up with?"

"Well I don't see you coming up with anything," Genma said defensively. "It's not like I'd know what that pervert gets up to in the sack. I bet he ties girls up and acts like a hero coming to rescue them."

"Stop it!" Raidou clapped his hands over his ears. "I really did not need mental images of Kakashi naked."

Asuma grinned. "Did you see his face? We still need to settle that one, we should start the betting up again."

"I bet he's hideous," Anko sneered, still a bit put out by the fact he'd snubbed her.

Genma cleared his throat. "Gather round everyone, it's time for a story." He picked up the Icha Icha, opened it to a page somewhere in the middle and began to read. "Sunlight streamed through the window and glinted off his hair as Akihiro stood tall over his trembling lover. 'It's alright, love,' he said as he cupped Haru's cheek gently and placed a kiss on supple quivering lips." Genma shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe Kakashi reads this stuff. It's so _sappy._"

"Oh keep going," Anko begged. "You just know they're gonna get it on sometime soon."

Genma sighed, but continued. "Haru let out a small sound of surprise as Akihiro kissed down a long, yielding neck and teased a nipple into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue. 'You're going to be mine tonight,' Akihiro breathed as he reached down to cup his lover's balls." Genma paused, cleared his throat, and reread the last line, certain he'd gotten it wrong. "'You're going to be mine tonight,' Akihiro breathed as he reached down to cup his lover's balls."

"Holy crap," Aoba breathed.

"Give me that!" Anko snatched the book from Genma and flicked to a new page. "Haru arched up beneath his lover, moaning his name over and over as Akihiro stroked his straining cock in time with the frenzied thrusts into his tight hole."

"Kakashi's gay," Raidou said flatly, as if he couldn't believe what he was saying.

Anko silently slipped the orange Icha Icha jacket off to reveal a cover depicting two men gazing lovingly into each other's eyes.

"Rescuing a Prince," Genma mouthed. "Rescuing a _Prince?_ And it's even in that damned raised gold lettering. Kakashi's a freaking pansy."

Anko dropped the book on the table in disgust. "Gross."

Aoba shivered. "I've been on so many missions with him. I bet he watched me while I was sleeping."

Genma suddenly looked worried. "I was out with him last week on a mission and I passed out. Do you reckon he did anything to me?"

"Just because he's gay doesn't mean he'd be attracted to you," Raidou said, but he sounded unsure.

"I'm not taking any chances," Asuma said. "I'm going to ask Tsunade not to put me on any missions with him. That's just… unnatural."

All around the table heads nodded in agreement. "Who'd want a cock shoved up their ass?" Aoba asked, disgusted.

"Actually, it feels pretty good," Anko said. "One in the front, one in the back."

The four men stared at her. "What?" she pouted. "I enjoy threesomes. Although I guess I now know why Kakashi didn't react when I threw myself on him."

"It's not because he's gay, it's because you're ugly," Genma said, but it didn't have his usual sting. "I feel dirty. I think I'm gonna go find me a whore. Anyone else up for one?"

The three other men nodded. Anko pointed to the book. "What do I do with that?"

"I don't know, I don't want to touch it. He probably jerks off holding it," Genma said, slipping out the door.

Aoba shrugged as he followed. "Read it. Isn't gay shit supposed to turn girls on?"

Anko scowled at his retreating back. "Actually, that's guys and lesbians," she retorted.

"I'd recommend throwing it away before Kakashi comes looking for it," said Raidou.

"Keep it so we can show Tsunade why we don't want to go on missions with Kakashi. She should understand," Asuma said, and walked out after the others.

Anko sat alone at her table staring at the book. She wished she'd lost the bet.

**o0o**

Kakashi didn't want to get up. He curled around his pillow protectively, drawing his knees up to his chin. He was going to have to leave the village. Homosexuality wasn't just frowned upon, it was borderline illegal. He felt unnatural enough as it was, he didn't need other people to spit at him too. He'd been so careful, and now he'd been outed. Knowing Anko, the whole village would know by now.

He dragged himself out of bed and stood in front of the closet staring at all his uniforms. He was going to be ostracized, and for what? A smutty novel that just happened to be male/male orientated. Kakashi sighed. It wasn't fair. It wasn't as if he'd ever gotten anything good out of being gay. He'd never had sex with anyone in the village, only able to have unfulfilling one night stands with civilian men from villages that would never recognize him as 'the famous Hatake Kakashi.'

He shrugged at himself in the mirror and pulled on his clothes. It wasn't as if much would change. He didn't exactly have any real friends to begin with. "You can just do the same thing as always, Hatake," he murmured to his reflection. "Just walk on past them like you don't give a shit. Because you don't. You really, really don't."

**o0o**

No one said anything to him as he walked to the mission office, noticeably without his book. He'd decided he'd have to go outside at some point anyway, and what better reason to go outside than to take a nice S-rank which would keep him out of the village for a week? And if he didn't come back alive well then, that didn't matter all too much. It's not like anyone would care.

Actually, people were going out of their way to clear a path for him, and were whispering behind their hands. It made him feel like a leper. Seriously, did these people think that gayness was something you could catch? Probably, he realized.

"Here is your mission, Hatake-san." The desk ninja pretty much threw the scroll at him and hurried to turn to the next person in line. He sighed and moved away to read it, almost walking into a thigh high genin. The jounin who was leading the genin squad pulled him away sharply. "Keep away from him," she hissed. "He's a pervert."

Being called a pervert for being gay hurt a lot more than being called a pervert for reading porn, he found. An ANBU materialized in front of him and he feigned a bored look, pretending his heart wasn't beating like a jackhammer. "Hokage-sama wishes to see you," the ANBU said curtly, and Kakashi nodded. _Shit._ He followed the ANBU out of the mission room and into the Hokage's office, where Tsunade immediately dismissed the ANBU.

"Hatake," she drawled, "You know what you've done, haven't you?"

"I haven't done anything," Kakashi replied.

Tsunade sighed. "Listen brat, it doesn't particularly bother me if you want to fuck other men. I know what sort of life you'd have and I'd be surprised if you weren't fucked up in some way. But it seems to bother everyone else, so you're on solo missions from now on. I can't do anything to help you out. My hands are tied."

"With all due respect Hokage-sama," Kakashi said, unable to stop his hands from tightening into fists, "Being gay does not make me 'fucked up.' And I've always been alone anyway, so it doesn't particularly bother me."

Tsunade shrugged. "Well, that's all I wanted to say. You can get out now." Mumbling, she added, "I'm just glad your team split up so you can't taint those children any more than you already have."

Kakashi sincerely hoped that the next mission would be difficult enough to kill him.


	2. Return

_To all of you who are reading Hound's Release: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble with it at the moment. I will finish it, but it will probably be a while before I do. Enjoy this different, slightly lighter angst instead?_

**o0o**

When he returned two weeks later bleeding and mildly delirious Kakashi had almost forgotten the fact that everyone hated him. That was until he stumbled into the mission room to hand over his report and everyone moved out of his way. He shrugged feverishly. They were giving him a clear route to the missions desk and if they hadn't he didn't think he'd make it.

"Here," he slurred, pushing his blood-soaked paper over the desk to the wide-eyed nin behind it.

He turned to leave but the desk ninja had finally found his voice. "Kakashi-san," he said, slightly panicky, "You need to go to hospital."

"No." He shook his head furiously, spraying blood over the desk. "No hospital. They don't like me."

"Can someone take him to the hospital?" the desk ninja pleaded. "Or at least to Tsunade?"

Everyone in the mission room looked away or pretended to be doing something else. "Fine, I'll do it myself," he grumbled, but Genma grabbed his arm.

"Iruka, don't touch him."

"What?" Iruka turned to stare at him in surprise. "Are you insane? He could die if he's not treated."

"But he's a fag," Genma spat venomously.

"A what?" Iruka asked, eyes narrowing.

"A fag. You know, he likes to fuck other men," Genma explained.

Iruka punched him in the gut, making him double over in pain. "I heard you the first time. I just didn't want to believe that you were so disgustingly shallow that you would refuse to help someone based on their sexual preference." He glared at the room. "That goes for all of you."

"But it's unnatural," Genma wheezed.

Iruka ignored him and stalked over to Kakashi who was leaning to one side slightly, on the verge of toppling, and staring at him with something akin to wonder in his expression. Iruka shuffled under Kakashi's arm and wrapped his own around the older man's waist, forcing him to lean on him. "Come on," he said gently, "Lets get you some help."

Once they'd gotten out of the mission room Kakashi said, slurred but clear enough that Iruka could just understand, "I really can't go to the hospital you know. They won't want to help me any more than those guys did."

Iruka gave a grim smile. "That's why I'm taking you to Tsunade."

"She doesn't really like me either." Kakashi gave a sad smile that Iruka couldn't see.

"Maybe not, but as one of her strongest shinobi she has to fix you up," Iruka conceded. "She needs you."

He didn't bother knocking on the door when he got there, instead pushing it open with the hand that wasn't holding up Kakashi and striding in. "Hokage-sama, could you please heal this shinobi? I have reason to believe if he goes to the hospital then the nurses will not help him."

Tsunade looked up in surprise. "Iruka-sensei? Are you his boyfriend?"

Iruka frowned. "Why would you assume that, Hokage-sama?" he asked coldly.

She shrugged. "You brought him in here clinging to you."

Iruka's face turned red, only he wasn't blushing. "You assume," he said, voice tight, "That because I was the only person decent enough to help a shinobi in need that I am gay? You just assume that the _only reason_ I could have for wanting to help him is because I want to get into his pants, because of course any self-respecting straight shinobi would just let him bleed to death on the mission room floor. If our leader thinks like that I'm not surprised no one wanted to help him."

"Calm down Iruka, I didn't mean it like that," Tsunade soothed. "But you're not gay, are you?"

Iruka carefully turned Kakashi around without another word to Tsunade. "C'mon, we're going. I'll try to fix you up myself."

"Wait, Iruka." Tsunade sighed heavily and walked over to them. "Sit him in that chair. I'll heal him. I just wanted to know because if you associate with Kakashi people are going to assume you're gay whether you are or not. I'm just warning you."

Tsunade called Shizune to get a towel and a bowl of water to clean up the mess on Kakashi's head while Iruka eased him down on the chair. "For the record," Iruka said in a flat voice, "I'm straight. But that doesn't mean I'm going to avoid Kakashi. His sexual preference has nothing to do with me. Just because you've suddenly found out that he likes males doesn't change who he is."

Kakashi grasped at his hand weakly. "Does that mean you'll be my friend?" he asked, his voice more hopeful than he ever wanted it to sound.

"Of course." Iruka smiled and squeezed his hand back. The smile squeezed his heart, something he should have noticed and put a stop to. But in his delirium he could only see how happy he was that Iruka was going to be his friend.

"Thank you," he mumbled, "Never had anyone try to protect me before."

It was the last thing he said before he passed out.

**o0o**

When Kakashi woke up he had no idea where he was. He was in a bed, but it wasn't his. He tried to sit up and a searing pain speared through his skull. "Shit." He gripped his head tightly.

Footsteps came running and suddenly Umino Iruka, of all people, was hovering over him wearing a uniform shirt and pants that were covered in flour and carrying a spatula. "Are you alright?" Iruka asked, his big brown eyes flashing worriedly. Strands of slightly curled brown hair were escaping in wisps from his ponytail and he looked terribly domestic. Kakashi decided he wouldn't mind waking like this every morning, minus the throbbing pain in his head, before he remembered what Iruka had said yesterday. Despite his delirious state his brain had managed to hang on to that line, which he was grateful for. Perhaps that would remind him not to be stupid enough to act on how he was feeling even if Iruka really seemed to like him. _For the record, I'm straight._

"Maa, I've been better," Kakashi said, crinkling his eye up into a smile he didn't really feel. He lay back and realized that this must be Iruka's bed. It definitely smelled like him. "You know you're going to get hell for letting me sleep in your house," he said seriously.

Iruka just shrugged and scratched at his nose, leaving a streak of flour on it. "They can say whatever they want. I wasn't about to leave you in the Hokage's office to become carrion for the rumour birds. You were pretty banged up."

He looked adorable. "Ne, thank you Iruka-sensei. I appreciate your help, but you probably shouldn't associate with me after today," Kakashi said casually. It would be much better for both of them if Iruka didn't want anything to do with him, he'd decided. Then there wouldn't be time for this little thing that was going to develop into more than a crush.

Iruka looked sad. "Kakashi-san, I'm not just doing this for you, although I do think it's unfair that you're being punished for your sexuality. I would like to be your friend." He blushed, and absentmindedly scraped the edge of the spatula he was holding over the scar across the bridge of his nose. "That is, if you'd want to be friends with a lowly chūnin like me."

_He's adorable and modest,_ Kakashi thought, then mentally slapped himself for it. He couldn't find it in him to lie to the chūnin and tell him that he didn't want to be his friend, because he definitely did want that. So he smiled and said, "Of course I do. What are you cooking, by the way?"

Iruka startled. "Oh no! My pancakes! Ah, if you feel good enough you can come out and have breakfast with us, otherwise I'll bring you some in here." He shot out of the room so fast Kakashi didn't have time to ask who the 'us' entailed.

He tried to sit up again and groaned. It would take a while, but he was going to get up and find out who his Iruka-sensei was breakfasting with no matter what. He groaned again, this time at his own stupid self rather than any physical pain. _My Iruka-sensei? Who am I kidding?_

He inched himself up slowly using his arms until he was leaning against the wall, panting slightly. The change in orientation had left him dizzy and his head was spinning. _Gotta get up,_ he told himself, and swung his legs over the side of the bed much too fast. Pain spliced through his brain and he almost toppled off the bed. _Too much. It's too much._

Kakashi gritted his teeth and steadied himself using Iruka's chest of drawers which was a helpful waist height. He counted each wobbly step as he took it, deciding each one was an achievement as it brought him closer to his goal. Aside from the loss of much too much blood he was also suffering from chakra depletion and fatigue, and it made walking much more difficult than it should have been.

It took him almost half an hour to reach Iruka's living room where he collapsed down on the settee, narrowly missing sitting on something that squeaked and backed away from him. His vision was starting to blur, but he thought he recognized the thing he'd nearly sat on as a ninja from the mission room. He laughed humourlessly, his words slurring slightly. "Sorry. Are you afraid I'll get my gay germs on you?"

Iruka appeared in his blurred view – he knew it was Iruka, he'd recognize those brown eyes anywhere – and his eyes were narrowed and his hands firmly on his hips. _That's not good,_ Kakashi thought obliquely.

"I said come out if you were feeling alright, baka. Not try to kill yourself walking from the bedroom to the living room."

A cup of strong black coffee was forced into his hand and he took a sip through his mask, mostly because he felt he would get in trouble if he didn't. Iruka sighed. "Your head's bleeding again. You shouldn't have pushed yourself so hard."

Kakashi took another sip of the coffee. It was making his limbs feel less drowsy and his vision was getting clearer. He didn't usually drink the stuff, and he now wondered why not. "I needed to see who you were having breakfast with," he said truthfully. Suddenly he felt ravenous, and his face fell. "Did you eat it all?"

Iruka laughed; he couldn't help it. Kakashi looked like a kid who'd been promised a pony then got the present to realize their parents had meant a plastic toy one and not a live one. "Of course not silly," he said, "I saved you some, see? I was just about to bring them to you."

Kakashi was handed a plate of pancakes covered in maple syrup. He stared at them for a little while, and then cut them up into perfect squares the exact width of the end of his fork. After a moments thought he pulled down his mask and began to eat, working his way around the outside before moving in to the middle squares.

He looked up when the heat of three people staring at him became too much. "What?"

Iruka blushed a violent red. _That's a pretty colour on him, _he thought absently. "I, uh, you took off your mask."

Kakashi smiled, perhaps a little bitterly. "Do you think I'm ugly?" he asked.

Iruka shook his head furiously, and all three of the ninja on the couch stared at him, amused. "You're v-very… handsome. Why?"

"Why what?" Kakashi picked up another square of pancake with the end of his fork and popped it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "Why am I handsome? Or why did I take the mask off? Or is it why do I wear the mask?" He cocked an eyebrow. The food was making his thoughts slightly more coherent and he was grateful for that.

"Why did you take it off?" Iruka asked, curiousity overriding his embarrassment.

"Well," Kakashi said, "The only reason I still wear a mask is out of habit. And the bet about what my face looks like is over, because anyone who does see it is obviously gay." He rolled his eye. "And I don't feel so great, I don't think I would have been able to eat at my usual speed without throwing everything back up afterwards."

"W-what are you going to do?" asked the little ninja he'd almost sat on.

He turned to look at him. The man looked like he'd been crying for some reason, the skin around his eyes puffy and red.

"Do about what?" he asked. He must have sounded harsher than he'd intended because the man shrunk back and the guy behind him wrapped his arms around him in a reassuring manner. _Interesting._ "You're gay," he said, light dawning.

The mousey looking man twisted around in his boyfriend's arms and buried his face in his shoulder. "I don't want people to hate me, Ko. But I don't want to lose you."

"Is that what you were crying about?" Kakashi asked, and too late realized how flat and uncaring his voice sounded. "It wouldn't be too bad for you really. You guys, uh, have each other." He smiled sadly down at his plate and shoved another forkful of pancake into his mouth before he could say anything else. _I'd like to have that._ He could feel Iruka watching him and forced himself not to look up. He didn't want to see the expression in the other man's eyes, because he was sure it was pity.

"They'd split us up," the other man said. He had an unruly mop of spikey black hair and a bandage over his nose. His partner clung to him tighter.

Kakashi finished his pancakes and put the plate down on the coffee table in front of him. "If you don't mind me asking, how do you stay together?"

Kotetsu shrugged, rubbing soothing circles on his partners back with one hand and playing with his hair with the other. "We've always been together, since we were what, five? We've been living together since we made chuunin. Dating for… how long, 'Zumo?"

Izumo wiggled a bit. "Almost three years."

"Best friends, huh?" Kakashi said quietly. He had to admit he was slightly jealous. He didn't even _have_ a best friend, let alone a best friend turned lover. Gai didn't really count, their friendship was strange at best. Thinking of Gai, Kakashi realized he hadn't seen the green beast since before Anko had stolen his book. _I wonder if he's the same as the rest of the village, hating me. It would be strange not having any more Youthful Challenges._ "Three years is a long time for nobody to know anything, especially in a village like this one."

Kotetsu smiled down at the top of Izumo's head. "Yes, we were lucky. _Are_ lucky. But Iruka always knew, probably before either of us did, actually."

Kakashi swiveled his head back to Iruka, who was smiling bashfully. "You guys used to stare at each other all the time when you thought the other one wasn't looking. Made me feel left out." He saw Kakashi watching him and added, "We were on the same genin team."

Kakashi thought of his own genin team - although it couldn't really be called that, as he'd been a jōnin and the other two chūnin – and felt a stronger pang of jealousy. Obito could have grown to like him, if he'd lived, but when he heard Kakashi was gay would he have turned his back on him too? Probably not, he decided. Obito was a lot like Iruka.

"Doesn't it freak you out, the idea of two guys having sex with each other? I'm sure most straight men find the idea disgusting." Kakashi asked Iruka. He told himself he was curious in purely a platonic kind of way.

"I know that Ko and 'Zumo love each other," Iruka said quietly. "And I don't see why they shouldn't be together. As shinobi we aren't expected to have a particularly long lifespan, and I know they would have both regretted it if they hadn't gotten together."

Kakashi smiled slightly. "That's not what I asked. You're talking about love, not sex. I've never loved anyone, but I have had sex with guys before. Does that disturb you?"

Iruka looked him in the eyes, open and honest and blushing slightly. "To be honest, I try not to think about it. I-I don't see how it could be pleasurable at all. But I don't find you disgusting because you like it."

_I could show you how pleasurable it can be,_ Kakashi thought, and mentally kicked himself. _Baka, you don't want to scare away the only person who will still talk to you._

"'Ruka's always been there for us," Izumo said, making an effort to pull away from Kotetsu and brushing the hair away from his eye. "But, what's going to happen now?"

Iruka looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, what's going to happen now? Nothing has changed in regards to you two, 'Zumo."

Izumo bowed his head and laced his fingers together awkwardly.

"Are you afraid people will think you're gay because you associate with me if I associate with Kakashi-san?"

Izumo blushed and flicked his hair back over his eye. "I'm sorry, Iruka. I just don't want to lose Ko."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Kakashi cut in, his mouth set in a grim line. "I'll go home today, and if Iruka-sensei is really adamant about being my friend then we can meet up away from private spaces, and speak only in public."

Iruka frowned at him. "That's ridiculous, you can't dictate a friendship like that. And you are not leaving this house today or any time soon, do you hear me? You almost blacked out just walking from the bedroom to the living room. You can't live by yourself."

Kakashi's eyes widened. No one had ever treated him like he needed to be looked after, even when he was small. "I usually summon Pakkun. If I pass out he'll call someone."

"Can he cook?"

"No, but he can collect take-out."

"You can't eat takeaways when you're as chakra depleted as you are now," Iruka said, horrified. "You need to eat food which will restore your health."

"I can, I have, and I will," Kakashi replied calmly. He couldn't understand why Iruka wanted him to stay so much. It wasn't like they'd even really been friends before this. He chalked it up to the chūnin just being insanely caring.

"Fine." Iruka scowled. "Summon Pakkun."

"What?"

"I can't actually force you to stay here, so I want to make sure you'll be in capable hands, or paws, whatever the case may be, when you leave."

Despite every cell in his body warning him that it was a terrible idea, Kakashi formed the customary seals and bit down on his thumb. A small pug appeared and when he saw Kakashi with his head swathed in bandages and keening slightly to one side he immediately rounded on him and started yelling. "Baka, why did you summon me when you have no chakra left? Do you want to die? And why the hell are you bleeding out of your head?"

Kakashi sighed and placed his palm firmly over his forehead, hoping it would stop the room from spinning. He gestured vaguely behind Pakkun. "He asked me to, kind of, and the last mission was worse than expected."

Pakkun turned around, his eyes widening when he saw Iruka sitting there looking sheepishly guilty. It was then he noticed they were not in a familiar place. He turned back around to face Kakashi. "What do you mean, _kind of_?"

Kakashi gave his famous shut-eye smile, but without his mask in place it looked painfully fake. "Haven't you heard, Pakkun? I'm gay. It's the talk of the village."

Pakkun scratched behind his ear with his back foot. "I already knew you liked men, Boss. I can smell them on you when you do it. How did they find out?"

"Anko stole my Icha Icha."

"Porn?" Iruka raised an eyebrow, and Kakashi looked at him guiltily. "I thought Jiraiya-sama was straight."

"He is." Kakashi was blushing, the bright flush of embarrassment stark against his pale skin. He wished that he'd pulled his mask back up when he'd finished eating. "It wasn't, er, actually Icha Icha."

Pakkun buried his face in his paws and groaned. Iruka stared at him, the gears in his mind clicking into place. "You cover the fact you read gay porn by pretending it's straight porn?" he said disbelievingly. "Couldn't you have picked a normal book to pretend to read?"

"Appearing to be reading porn tends to stop other people from approaching him," Pakkun said dryly. "He's an anti-social hermit, right Boss?"

Kakashi scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "They call me Hatake-sama like I'm some sort of god or something, the civilians especially. I'm not really all that special."

"You are famous in all the five hidden villages. Every shinobi who is at all decent at what he does knows who you are," Iruka pointed out. 'A little hero worship makes people feel safer."

"And soon every shinobi in all five hidden villages will know I have _unnatural desires_," Kakashi muttered. "And I'm not a hero. I kill and torture people."

Iruka sighed and realized he wasn't going to get any further on this topic. "Anyway. Pakkun, I wanted to know if you think it's alright for him," he gestured towards Kakashi, "To go home and stay by himself until he feels better."

Pakkun looked at Kakashi for a solid moment, then turned back to Iruka. "You probably can't tell, but he's struggling to stay in a sitting position right now. His vision is quite possibly blurry and even if he wanted to he couldn't stand up by himself. No, he shouldn't be left on his own but he'll do it anyway because he always does. Were you offering to keep him here?"

"Pakkun you're supposed to be on _my_ side," Kakashi hissed.

Iruka nodded to the dog's question and was about to speak when the sound of the phone ringing drifted out from his bedroom. He swore under his breath. "That'll be Naruto, and he'll want to talk for ages." He pointed at Kakashi. "Don't you dare go anywhere. If you're not here when I get back I will hunt you down and bring you back, okay?"

When Iruka was gone Pakkun jumped up onto Kakashi's lap, ignoring his grunt of protest and the other two men on the couch. "Why do you want to leave so much? I can tell you like him."

"_Shut up,_ Pakkun," Kakashi growled.

"You _really_ like him." Pakkun grinned a wolfish grin that seemed almost out of place on his puggy little face. "And he likes you."

Kakashi sighed, and wished he had the strength to push Pakkun off his knees. "He likes everyone," he said blandly, "And he's straight."

"Not necessarily," Izumo said quietly.

Kakashi stared at him. He'd forgotten those two were still there. That made things a whole lot worse. "Just so you know, I don't intend to jump Iruka-sensei. I know when someone is out of my league."

Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged a look that clearly questioned how he'd come to that conclusion when – before his unfortunate outing – he'd been the most eligible bachelor in the village. "Iruka isn't so close-minded," Kotetsu said slowly. "I'm sure it wouldn't take much to make him like you."

"See?" Pakkun shuffled around a bit in Kakashi's lap, trying to make himself confortable and safe in the knowledge that Kakashi was too drained to even think of pushing him off. "Even his friends think you'd be good for him."

Kakashi rubbed his eye tiredly. Either he was losing his mind or he'd already fallen asleep. "Correct me if I'm wrong because my brain's a bit fuzzed at the moment, but are you saying you _want_ me to date Iruka-sensei?"

Izumo nodded. "He's been alone for so long and he really deserves to be happy."

Kakashi leaned back into the corner of the couch. _Hey, that's much better. If I just close my eyes…_ Kakashi blinked quickly a few times. He couldn't fall asleep. This was an Important Conversation. "Why would you think I'm any better than any female he could date? I'm sure a lot of women would want him, he's perfect father material." A wistful look crossed his face. "He'd be good with a family."

Izumo and Kotetsu looked at each other again. "Because you're strong and can protect him," Izumo said.

"He needs someone to stop him from breaking after he spends all day stopping everyone else from breaking," Kotetsu added. "We try, but he needs someone for himself."

Kakashi struggled to keep his eyes open. "Thanks for the ego boost, guys, but what happens when I'm the one who breaks him?"

The two chūnin gaped at him.

"Look, I'm not in love with him or anything, I just think he's cute. I've spent most of my life alone and I've always assumed the rest of it's gonna be that way too, okay?" He tried to offer his closed-eye smile again but the muscles in his face wouldn't obey him. "Iruka-sensei's a nice guy who deserves to marry a beautiful girl who'll give him lots of babies and live to a ripe old age. He doesn't need to get into a relationship with a messed up jōnin forcing him to change his sexuality and making him an outcast in a village that used to love him. I'm not so stupid that I can't see he's better off without me."

Kakashi didn't hear the chūnins replies because his eye had drifted shut and he was blacking out again. He didn't see the point in this conversation. Even if he was looking for a relationship, which he wasn't, the warm-hearted sensei would never want to be with a killer like him.


	3. Rejuvenate

_For anyone who's interested, I've decided this is set somewhere in the two year gap. Naruto may come back for a visit later on, if you're keen._

**o0o**

When Kakashi woke again it was dark and Kotetsu and Izumo had left, which he was beyond thankful for. He was lying on the couch and someone had draped a blanket over him, removed his hitai ate and pulled his mask back up. Pakkun was snoring quietly on his stomach.

The lights had been dimmed but he could still see the silhouette of Iruka standing in the doorway talking to someone. Well, maybe talking wasn't the right word. It was more like a whispered argument.

"Iruka-nii, you can't let him stay here." Whoever he was talking to sounded desperate.

"Why not?" Despite speaking in a whisper, Iruka's voice was cold.

"Because then everyone will think you're like him, and you're not! You're a good person."

Iruka sighed and tugged at his ponytail in an irritated manner. "Kakashi-san is a good person. Everything he does is for the good of this village. I'm sure he's saved you personally more than once."

"But he's _gay,_" the other person whined. "If you let him stay here he'll take advantage of you."

Iruka snorted. "Why would he do that? I'm a chūnin, and not exactly the best-looking one either. I highly doubt he'd ever look at me in that way."

"It's not about love, it's about sex. I should know, I've had sex with guys I'm not attracted to before, just 'cause they're there. If you let him stay in this house he'll assume he can fuck you."

"Anko, _language,_" Iruka hissed. "And why are you assuming he's like you?"

Anko shrugged. "He's a guy. Guys have large sexual appetites, and you're the only one he has a chance with. Watch your back."

Kakashi scowled. This whole mess had started because of Anko, and what she was saying now would make it damn near impossible for him to even attempt a relationship with Iruka. Not that he wanted to, of course, but if he had wanted to now he didn't have a chance.

"Go away, Anko," Iruka sighed. "I'm not interested in him in that way but I'm not going to kick him out just because you have something against his lifestyle choices. He is injured and needs someone to take care of him. I'm doing it because no one else will."

"But Iruka-nii -"

"If I wasn't there for you when you returned from Orochimaru how would you have felt? You, of all people, should understand why Kakashi-san needs a friend. Think about it."

Iruka stepped back and closed the door swiftly in Anko's pale face, shaking his head. "Baka, can never get anything through her stupid head," he muttered, padding over to stand in front of Kakashi, looking down on him. "What am I going to do with you?"

Kakashi shifted a bit and opened one eye slowly, pretending to be waking up. Iruka smiled at him. "I know you were awake before, you don't have to pretend. I'm sorry about her."

Kakashi closed his eye again. "Thank you."

"For what?" Iruka seemed genuinely surprised.

"Sticking up for me."

Iruka sighed. "In a perfect world I wouldn't have to. I don't understand prejudices like this. Haven't you done enough for this village?"

Kakashi shrugged without opening his eyes. "I guess not."

Iruka looked like he wanted to rant some more but instead when he opened his mouth he said, "Are you hungry? I made soup, if you want it."

"Yes, please." Kakashi struggled to sit up, forcing Pakkun off his lap and onto the floor.

"Ow, Boss, what did you do that for?" the little pug complained, shaking himself off.

"Sorry," Kakashi said half-heartedly, and turned back to Iruka, pretending his head wasn't throbbing from the sudden change in position. "Can I give you anything, money or something? I don't feel right just lying around in your house taking up your bed and having you cook for me."

Iruka just shook his head and went off to heat up a bowl of soup. When he returned, he said, "I don't expect anything from you. This is what friends do for each other. We help out to the best of our abilities when a friend is sick or injured."

Kakashi stared at him quizzically before tugging down his mask and sniffing hesitantly at the soup. "And people do this without wanting anything in return? Weird."

"Well, it's not quite like that," Iruka explained. "It's more that if you're good friends you assume that the person who is injured would do the same for you if your roles were reversed. Not that I'd expect you to do this for me, Kakashi-san." His cheeks tinged pink and Kakashi gazed at him unabashedly. "I mean, I'm doing this for the village. They may be blinded by their own prejudice right now but they need you. Also to prove a point."

He paused, then seemed to realize that what he'd said could be taken the wrong way. "Not that I don't want to do this for you, it's just that I don't expect anything from you," he said hurriedly, then buried his face in his hands. "Kami, what the hell am I saying."

"I would do the same for you, if you ever wanted me to," Kakashi said slowly. "But I'm sure that you have many other people who would help you who'd be much better at it than I would."

Iruka looked up and smiled, his cheeks now a soft red. "Thank you, Kakashi-san. I appreciate that."

"Are you sure you don't want money, though? It'll cost you more to feed me and I am staying here rent-free," Kakashi pushed.

"Just eat the soup, Kakashi-san," Iruka said, throwing up his hands. "If you give me money everyone will begin to think I'm a prostitute."

Kakashi stuck his tongue experimentally into the bowl and decided that yes, the soup was good. He could get used to Iruka cooking for him. "Maa, but being a prostitute is better than being gay, dontcha think? And I'm pretty sure Anko would pay to tap that."

"Ah, but I'd be offering my body to _you_, right? And that'd make me a gay prostitute," Iruka shot back, mildly embarrassed but enjoying the banter nonetheless, "Which is possibly the worst thing anyone could ever be."

Kakashi slurped the soup and avoided looking at Iruka. "I kind of was that, for a while. Not really a whore, because I didn't get paid for it, but I was… what would you call it? A slut?"

Iruka looked down at his feet. "Oh, Kakashi," he said softly.

"Do you despise me yet?" Kakashi asked sharply. He had no idea why he was telling the chūnin this, whether it was a test or just a confession, but no matter what his reaction turned out to be it felt good getting it all out into the open.

"I couldn't despise you. Not when you weren't really given a choice." Iruka sunk down in the armchair across from Kakashi and stared down at his hands. "I can't imagine what it must have been like, having to keep something as important as that a secret. I mean, 'Tetsu and 'Zumo did, but they've always had each other. You…" Iruka trailed off. It seemed too painful to say _you never had anyone._

"It wasn't really as bad as you're making it out to be," Kakashi said quietly. "After Minato-sensei died I didn't have anyone for anything, so it was just another thing to keep to myself. The sex was just sex, I never had any intention to make spiritual connections with anyone. I've never been able to, actually. The closest thing I have to a friend is Gai."

He scrunched his eye up into a smile, forgetting that his mask was down and Iruka could see his downturned lips. Iruka fought to keep the pity out of his own face. "What has Gai-sensei said about all of this?" he asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "Don't know, haven't seen him. Which probably says more than anything else, really."

"He's probably just on a mission," Iruka said optimistically. In truth, he just couldn't imagine the spandex-wearing manly-tears-crying jōnin being anything other than accepting of people's differences. He was about as different as they come.

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed without thinking, and half placed half dropped his now empty bowl onto the table. His hands were starting to shake and he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep.

"Don't close your eyes," Iruka said quickly.

"Maa?" Kakashi stared at the chūnin. He couldn't be that desperate for conversation, could he?

"I only let you sleep there before because you blacked out and I didn't want to risk banging your head carrying you back into the bedroom," Iruka said crossly. "You need to sleep in a proper bed so that you will heal properly."

Kakashi blinked twice, slowly realizing that this meant Iruka wanted him to sleep in _his_ bed. That up until the night before had been occupied by a certain chūnin. So the sheets and blankets would smell like said chūnin. His mind drooled. But he still felt bad about kicking Iruka out of his own bed and offered up a feeble excuse. "I don't need to take your bed. This," he waved a careless hand towards his heavily bandaged head, "Is nothing. Head wounds just bleed a lot and look more serious than they actually are."

"Then how come you're sleeping all day and having trouble processing thoughts?" Iruka accused.

Kakashi shrugged. "I burnt out all my chakra using the sharingan too much. It happens."

Iruka sighed. "I don't care what your reasons are, but you're going to sleep in a proper bed even if I have to drag you there. I'm going to change the sheets and when I come back you're still going to be awake, okay?"

Kakashi leaped up faster than was advisable in his condition, and the room spun. "Don't bother changing the sheets, I want to sleep now."

Iruka smiled at him, amused. "Alright, but I'm not letting you walk there on your own. Lean on me."

Kakashi pitched forward, the motion of the room getting to him, and Iruka ended up with a faceful of silver fluff and the face of a gangly Copy-nin buried in his shoulder. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Floor tripped me." He couldn't get much more coherent than that as the blood was slowly siphoning out of his brain and Iruka smelt good. Really good.

"That's okay," Iruka said after getting over the shock of having 149 pounds of jōnin land on him. He looped an arm around the waist of the older man and straightened him up, taking a step forward. "But you really need to get to bed if you're that tired."

"Mmhm." Despite the fact his head was spinning Kakashi felt it would be perfectly fine by him to just stay where he was with Iruka holding him.

Iruka just shook his head in exasperation, a small smile playing on his lips. _Are all jōnin this stubborn? _he wondered as he awkwardly half-marched half-carried Kakashi down the hall to his bedroom. His smile slowly disappeared when he remembered that the only reason Kakashi was in his house in the first place was because the village was made up of disgusting bigots.

**o0o**

"Ah, the wonderful Iruka-sensei, beloved Youthful Teacher of the glorious next generation! I'm told you are spreading your Youthful Kindness and Beauty to my Eternal Rival! I have come for a Challenge of Youth!"

Iruka blinked stupidly. His mind had vacated in an attempt to save him from the horror of spandex stretched much too tightly over Maito Gai's man bulge.

Gai winked, his eye sparkling, and his teeth gleamed in the non-existent sunlight. "Where is he, Gracious Teacher?"

"Er." Iruka scratched at his nose awkwardly. He figured he'd be used to this by now, having taught Rock Lee after all, but something about Gai just made him want to run away as fast as he could and bury his head in the sand. "Kakashi-san is sleeping." His eyes darted towards the bedroom. "Well, he was. I'm not too sure he is now."

"Yosh!" Before Iruka could even guess at what had happened Gai had waltzed past him and thrown open the bedroom door with a loud cry of, "Dynamic Entry!"

"Um, Gai-san…" Iruka had no idea what the Green Beast knew of the circumstances around Kakashi but had the uncomfortable feeling he was about to find out.

"My Eternal Rival, you are so Nobly Injured! Maybe our Challenge can wait for another day."

Iruka peeked around the door fearfully. Kakashi had his head shoved under the pillow and was moaning incoherently. "Gai-san, maybe you should let him rest."

Gai was frowning ever so slightly when he turned back to Iruka, fluffy eyebrows pulling down in the middle. "I do not understand why my Eternal Rival is injured. I was informed by the Lovely Anko that Kakashi is most Youthfully Gay."

Iruka raised an eyebrow and Kakashi pulled his face out from under the pillow to stare at Gai. "What does being injured have to do with being gay?"

"Well, usually when one is gay in the Springtime of their Youth they are feeling well. It is hard to be gay when one is confined to one's bed."

Kakashi kept staring at Gai and spoke very slowly. "Anko didn't mean that I am _carefree_ or _happy._ She meant that I am attracted to other men."

Gai's mouth dropped open, and he glanced from Kakashi to Iruka then back again before breaking out into manly tears and striking a pose with his clenched fist held high. "My Eternal Rival has beaten me once again, in the race to find True Love! Honoured Sensei, I hope you treat my Eternal Rival with the same Love and Compassion you did my beautiful students. Ah, love in the Springtime of your Youth!"

Iruka's face turned a fiery red. Kakashi glared. "We're not dating, Gai."

"The Flames of Passion burn the Brightest on this Night!" Gai continued, oblivious to Kakashi's protests, tears streaming down his face. Iruka and Kakashi exchanged a glance. "I must inform the village of your Vows of Sweet Sweet Love!" Gai proclaimed.

Iruka's eyes widened, and he stepped out to block the doorway. A misinformed Gai on the loose would cause more trouble than it was worth. "Gai-san, we're not together," he said as soon as Gai stopped speaking to take a breath.

"I do not understand!" Gai said loudly, and Iruka wondered if anyone else could admit their own ignorance with such pride. "If you two are not in the Throes of Love then why is my Eternal Rival in your bed, Iruka-sensei?"

"He's recovering," Iruka said, the urge to throw the spandex-clad jōnin out on his green butt growing stronger. He felt a new wave of sympathy for Kakashi who had said he considered this man his only friend. "As you said before, he is 'nobly injured' and I was the only one who would look after him."

"How come?"

Iruka blinked. That was the shortest and least flowery sentence he'd ever heard come out of Gai's mouth. "Because I like men," Kakashi said sharply. "And I am a man. Konoha does not approve of this, you know that."

Gai stared seriously at his rival, the tears and silly grin gone. "But everyone deserves to be in love. It shouldn't matter who you fall for."

"I'm not in love, Gai," Kakashi said with a sigh. "It's just my general preference they're upset about."

"So you are not having relations with Iruka-sensei?" Gai said, head cocked to one side and blinking like a confused puppy.

Iruka's face, by this point, was a beautiful shade of cherry. "It's not anything like that," he blustered.

"Iruka-sensei is just a caring soul," Kakashi supplied in an irritated manner. He was frustrated because his brain was ever so helpfully supplying him with images of what could be if he was in a relationship with the good teacher. "He's a good _friend._ And I am tired, so I'd appreciate it if you would leave now."

"Of course, of course!" Gai bowed humbly and stepped backwards out of the room, causing Iruka to leap aside fearing for his life. "I will be back to see you when you are feeling better, my Eternal Rival. An hopefully by then you will be in the Springtime of your Love."

"Yeah, sure." Kakashi rolled over so he was facing the wall. If he hadn't had a headache already he figured Gai would have given one. Sometimes he couldn't remember why he bothered trying to be friends with the spandex-clad nutcase.

"He was only trying to be nice," Iruka offered pitifully after Konoha's Green Beast had left. "Are you feeling okay?"

"He hurts my head," Kakashi grumbled, not moving from his position. If he saw the chūnin looking at him in a pitying way he wouldn't be responsible for what happened next.

"But your sexual orientation doesn't bother him," Iruka pointed out helpfully. "He still wants to challenge you."

"I'm not completely sure he grasped the entire concept," Kakashi said. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow to see if he really understands."

Iruka shook his head. "How can you say that about him, if he's your only friend?"

"It's the truth," Kakashi said flatly. "He's not stupid, it's just that to fully comprehend any conversation subject or idea he has to train while thinking about it. Usually when we talk he does push ups."

"That's weird," Iruka said, leaning against the doorframe and studying the form of the man in his bed. "Why are you telling me the stuff so freely? You don't really even know me."

Kakashi rolled over to look at him. "I know that you are the only person in a village of ten thousand shinobi who was willing to stick up for me. The fact that we don't know each other particularly well just makes you all the more amazing."

Iruka scowled as he felt his cheeks heating up again. Why did Kakashi make him blush so much? "I always thought you were kind of an arrogant prick," he admitted. "But no one deserves to be treated the way they were treating you."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow lazily. "Where'd you get that idea from? Is it my perpetual laziness that gets to you?"

"It's your mission reports, actually." Iruka felt himself getting mad just thinking about it. "They're _scribble,_ pure junk. My eight-year-old pre-genins have better handwriting than you. You could at least put a little effort into it."

Kakashi felt his own face heating up and thanked Kami that he was still wearing his mask. Iruka didn't need to know that he was a fallible human in controlling his expression as well as what he was going to say next. "I don't actually do that on purpose," he muttered, barely loud enough for the chūnin to hear.

Iruka frowned. "What do you mean, you don't do it on purpose? There's a reason that you only fill out half the forms and some words are backwards, or missing letters? Your spelling is atrocious."

"I've never been good at writing," Kakashi mumbled, pulling the blanket closer around his face.

"You mean to say you write like that because you can't do any better?" Iruka said in disbelief. "That's not possible. You're a _genius._ You have to know how to spell."

"I'm a genius in combat," Kakashi said flatly. "I graduated from the academy at five. After that they taught me how to correctly hold kunai, cover my tracks and how best to kill a man. Minato-sensei taught me how to read, but writing – I have trouble with putting words down on the page, and he had pretty bad handwriting himself."

"You're saying no one ever taught you how to write," Iruka said slowly. "The reason Hatake Kakashi hands in ridiculously bad reports three days late is because he cannot do better."

Kakashi inclined his head in a careful nod. "I try to get them in on time, but it takes me that long to get the words sorted on the paper. With my team I got Sakura to write them, and when I was in ANBU I gave oral reports."

"Oh, Kakashi." Iruka felt his heart swell up with pity once again for this man. _What must it have felt like to not have a childhood, to kill before you know anything of love? How would that affect you as a person?_ "Would you like me to teach you?"

The grateful look in Kakashi's eyes made his heart do a little flop. "I would like that," the older man said with a smile. "But maybe later. I wasn't lying to Gai when I said I was tired."

"Oh, of course," Iruka said hurriedly. He remembered Naruto coming home from his first C-rank turned A-rank mission and boasting about how his awesome sensei had fought a missing nin then collapsed for a week. At the time he'd been a little jealous, thinking that Kakashi was replacing him as Naruto's favourite sensei. "Do you want anything to eat before you go back to sleep, help you get your strength up?"

Kakashi shook his head tiredly, his eyes drifting shut. "I'm fine thank you, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka smiled and tiptoed backwards out the door, pulling it closed behind him with a soft click. He knew the thank you was for far more than just the offer of soup.

Kakashi lay there for a while before he found sleep. He was tired but his brain didn't want to turn off. He'd just told Iruka his best kept secret (apart from his sexuality of course. That didn't count as much of a secret any more) and it was making him feel all jittery inside. He didn't know why he'd told him, when all his instincts made him want to keep up the pretense of being the most perfectly composed and well-rounded shinobi that everyone thought he was.

Perhaps because Iruka had already seen him when he was not at his best, because he had suspected that Iruka would not laugh at him or tell everyone. He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow, breathing in the scent of his new favourite chūnin. He'd never paid Iruka much attention before, and now he was starting to wonder why. Besides being intelligent, witty and kind-hearted the man was absolutely gorgeous when he smiled. It made Kakashi wonder why he didn't have a girlfriend. He was perfectly datable.

Kakashi shook his head fiercely. Perfectly datable, yes, if you were a _woman._ Completely off-limits to certain chūnin-loving jōnin's. He wondered if Iruka would take offense or get suspicious if he asked about his past relationships. Probably not, he decided, because the chūnin was open and trusting almost to the point of naivety. It made Iruka all the more adorable in his book, but being extremely trusting wasn't exactly a skill he'd want to see in a ninja he was working with.

He breathed in deeply, inhaling Iruka's scent from the pillow, and his thoughts took a different turn. He wondered if that tan went all the way around that supple body, and if Iruka really was hard and soft at the same time, the way he looked. He'd seen the chūnin shirtless the other night, when he'd come in to check on him. Iruka had stood over him for a couple of seconds, smiled gently and brushed the hair out of his face before leaving. It was all he could do not to just grab that hand and hold it to him, keep it just for the night.

_Iruka's probably had sex in this bed,_ he suddenly thought, and that brought images of a sweaty, naked and writhing Iruka, sending a tingling feeling down to his groin and making a notable change in his pants. _Oh gods._ Kakashi slipped his hand underneath the waistband of his pants and gripped himself tightly, imagining Iruka's small hands wrapping around him. _Hatake, you can't do this, not in his bed,_ his mind scolded, and he heartily agreed but his hand was moving on its own and _damn_ that felt good. He hadn't touched himself in a long time, and he hadn't gotten laid in even longer.

He increased his speed slightly, imagining Iruka with his hair undone and floating around his shoulders, how his lips would feel burning on his skin. The realistic images his mind supplied him with was one of his favourite sharingan effects. _Kakashi!_ His mind shouted. _You cannot come in his bed. He will know, and he will be disgusted in you._

Kakashi let go with a slight moan and settled for thrusting his hips into the mattress a couple of times before settling down into the silence. In that moment he hated his own common sense. Yes, Iruka would probably be disgusted in him and possibly throw him out if he found him jerking off in his bed. But damn he needed release, and if he couldn't have Iruka then his bed was the next best thing.


	4. Remember

**o0o**

It almost felt weird, being back in his own bed. Iruka rolled over for the fifth time in an hour, unable to sleep. Kakashi had finally left that morning and after living with him for a week and a half it was strange to have his house to himself again. He'd made too much lunch only to realize he was the only one there to eat it. It shocked him to realize that he _wanted_ Kakashi back. He hadn't realized how lonely his life had become until Kakashi had crash-landed right into the middle of it.

The older ninja was a welcome distraction from lesson planning and marking essays, and was surprisingly funny and sharp. Despite barely having the strength to stand up Iruka had come home most days to find that the jōnin had somehow managed to migrate from the bedroom to the couch and crash out in front of the television, which more often than not was only displaying snow. Kakashi, genius as he was at most tasks, somehow had no natural talent at all for understanding technology, a fact which amused Iruka no end.

His difficulty with the written word was slightly more troubling. Iruka had asked if he had trouble reading as well, because even though he appeared to be reading porn all the time most people who have difficulty writing also have a hard time reading. Kakashi explained that he used the explicit material as a kind of incentive to continue reading, because faltering in the middle of a steamy sex scene was frustrating and encouraged him to try harder. He added that he only needed to read a book once, because the sharingan gave perfect illustrations and recorded what he had read, making Iruka blush.

"_I'm predominantly a visual person," _he had said, _"Although I guess most people wouldn't realize that, because they don't see past the Icha Icha. Which is the purpose of it, really. To create a front people don't want to bother looking behind."_

Underneath it all, Kakashi was rather shy, Iruka realized. The porn, the perpetual lateness, the lazy attitude – it was all to give people a particular idea of him that they had no reason to challenge. A carefully crafted image to keep them satisfied without letting them know anything.

_So why is he showing himself to me?_ he wondered. _Is it really just because I helped him out when he needed it? He seems a particularly private person, but he confided in me without knowing a lot about me. It just seems strange._

Iruka flipped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling blankly. Hatake Kakashi remained a mystery to him.

**o0o**

Kakashi sat cross-legged at the foot of his bed, pretending to meditate. He was only pretending to do so because he couldn't concentrate. A certain chūnin kept strolling into his mind and doing _things_ that any self-respecting shinobi should just not do. At least in someone else's mind.

Part of him was glad that he'd left Iruka's. It was probably better for the younger man that he was out of the way. As his head had cleared he had started to become more perceptive and he had begun to notice little things which would cause his mind to wander. Little things like the fact Iruka had condoms and flavoured lube in the drawers beside his bed. He wasn't snooping or anything, he'd just been bored. And if you're stuck in bed all day you're going to look at the things closest to you, right? It had made him glad that he was in Iruka's bed, because it meant that Iruka wasn't sleeping with anyone else. Not that he'd be sleeping with him, of course, but it made him feel a little better anyway.

He had dreaded having showers. Using Iruka's body wash and standing in a place where Iruka stood naked practically every day – it shouldn't have turned him on as much as it did. He was worse than Sakura chasing after Sasuke, and the sad fact was that he had even less of a chance at winning Iruka's heart than the pinkette had with the renegade Uchiha.

Kakashi sighed and dropped his head into his hands. His little crush had somehow ballooned into a full-blown obsession and he could do nothing about it. He felt more useless now than he had when Sasuke had run off to Orochimaru and nearly killed Naruto.

**o0o**

Iruka was sitting at his desk marking papers to pass the time until his mission room shift when Hyūga Hiashi entered the classroom. He spoke without looking up. "Hyūga-san, what can I do for you?"

"I have heard that you are living with Hatake Kakashi, Iruka-san," Hiashi said in a gravelly voice.

Iruka stiffened slightly at the obvious question of his teaching prowess by the lack of the _sensei_ suffix. "I was, for a time," he said easily, betraying none of his irritation. "Why do you ask?"

"I do not want an abnormal man teaching my child," Hiashi said flatly. "I wish to remove Hanabi from your class."

Iruka looked up slowly, barely containing his temper. "If you really want the best for your daughter you will leave her where she is. It would be an unnecessary difficulty for her to be placed in a new class with new peers and a new teacher."

Hiashi scowled. "I do not want her to think it is okay to hold affections for the wrong sort of people."

Iruka bit back the retort that he didn't think Hiashi wanted his daughters to hold _any_ affection for anyone. "I am sorry if you think that, Hyūga-san, but I don't have _affections_ for Kakashi-san. I merely let him stay with me while he was recovering from his mission." He gave Hiashi a hard look. "Although I'd still stand by what I said even if I was attracted to men. It is not my students business or yours whom I hold relations with."

Hiashi's face darkened in anger and he spun on his heel, storming out of the room. As he left he called over his shoulder, "I _will_ get you fired."

Iruka sighed and rested his chin on his hands. He didn't think that the stuck up Hyūga would be able to get him fired, but it bothered him that Hiashi had come to him in the first place. He couldn't help but think about the fact that if this was the reaction he was getting then Kakashi must be getting a lot worse, and that didn't even bear thinking about. He frowned. How could people be so stupid? Kakashi had been serving the village for what, twenty-three years as a shinobi? And all it took was one little anomaly for people to disown him.

He snorted a disgusted laugh. Kakashi had always been pretty much a _walking_ anomaly. It was just this one particular thing they were hung up on. He felt sorry for the guy. He hadn't had a normal life by any means, and the one person he counted as a friend constantly wore spandex and spoke in streams of archaic prose. That would be enough to drive anybody nuts. And Kakashi – the real Kakashi, the one no one ever saw – was _nice._ He was funny and shy and sweet. But he was forced to hide that so he could be a proper, effective killing machine. It was truly depressing.

Iruka packed up his notes in a somber mood, for the first time in his life feeling revolted by his village. He would be an extra good friend to Kakashi, he vowed. Kami knew the Copy-nin needed a friend.

**o0o**

The mission room was fairly quiet when he got there, a fact for which he was glad. Iruka slid his bag off his shoulder and dumped it on the ground beside the desk. "Hey," he said tiredly to the shinobi in the seat beside him.

Kotetsu smiled at him sympathetically. "Rough day?"

Iruka sighed. "I just had Hyūga Hiashi tell me a gay man's not good enough to teach his daughter."

"But you're straight," Kotetsu said pointedly, mainly for the benefit of the few nin hanging around the room.

"I know." Iruka rubbed his temples wearily. "That's not the point though, is it? Even if I were gay I'd still be the same. It wouldn't change the way I teach. It's just… so close-minded and hurtful."

Anko barged in before Kotetsu could agree, slamming her mission report down on the bench and leaning heavily against it. "I heard that you finally kicked that faggot out, Iruka-nii. I hope I heard right."

Iruka scowled at her. "You shouldn't call him that, Anko. And I didn't kick him out, he left because he was feeling better and didn't want to cause me any more trouble." _And I miss having him around,_ his brain added, much to his surprise.

"Hmph. Well at least he's got one thing right." Anko snorted and shoved a piece of crumpled paper into his hand. "Call me, okay?" she said, and sauntered off.

Kotetsu and Iruka exchanged glances. "What does it say?" Kotetsu asked. "She didn't just give you her number, did she?" He shuddered.

Iruka shook his head as he uncurled the paper. "I already know her number." He read the note slowly, his eyes widening comically, then thrust it at Kotetsu. "Read it!"

Kotetsu stared at the note, squinting to make out letters in Anko's untidy scrawl. _I guess you're right in that he needs a friend, and I know I can't stop you from doing it. But at least be careful, okay? I still don't like the idea of men having sex with each other and I don't trust him._ He chuckled. "She has a really funny way of showing it."

Iruka shrugged. "She probably doesn't want anyone else to know she's so soft."

"Probably," Kotetsu agreed. "So what's Hatake-san actually like?"

Iruka smiled happily. "He's really nice, Ko. He could be my best friend."

"What about your old best friends?" Kotetsu asked, pouting and pretending to look put out.

"Oh, I still love you and 'Zumo!" Iruka hurriedly added, "But, you know, you guys always were best friends kinda without me. Like, you were so connected it wouldn't have even mattered if I'd gone. I always wanted to have a best friend the way you guys are best friends."

Kotetsu smirked to himself. _You want to be best friends with Hatake the way 'Zumo and I are best friends? Well, I'm sure he wouldn't mind fucking your brains out every night like I do for 'Zumo. _"Of course it would have mattered if you'd gone," he protested. "We all worked really well together as genin, remember? 'Zumo and I work together now, but back then the three of us were unstoppable."

Iruka took the mission report from the shinobi in front of him, thanked him for his hard work and then laughed. "Yeah, they called us the 'Terrible Triplets.' I always thought that was a stupid name."

"Nuh-uh." Kotetsu shook his head. "The Terrible Triplets _of Terror_ it was."

Iruka shook his head. "We were upgraded to that after we set the Yondaime's head on fire to try and make it look like he had a flaming beard, remember? On the Hokage Mountain."

Kotetsu laughed. "I remember that. Izumo was all like, 'no, we can't, we'll get caught,' the pussy. But I guess he was right."

"Yeah, Sandaime wasn't very happy about that as I recall. He was 'very disappointed' in me for a long time afterwards." Iruka smiled softly, remembering the old man who'd always had time for an unhappy, trouble-making orphan. He didn't think that the Sandaime would have belittled Kakashi the way Tsunade had.

"Hey there little chūnin," a familiar voice drawled, and Iruka looked up to see a certain senbon sucking jōnin staring at him predatorily.

"What can I do for you, Genma-san?" Iruka asked politely. He had the sinking feeling that the man wouldn't leave the room before he'd managed to make his day just a little bit worse.

"Oh I just wanna know how many times a day you take that faggot Hatake's cock in your ass," Genma said conversationally, flicking his senbon with his tongue.

Iruka blinked at him stupidly. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You know." Genma jerked his hips forward in a thrusting movement a couple of times. "Getting all hot and sweaty with the Copy-nin."

"I haven't," Iruka said flatly, unable to come up with anything witty or intelligent because his brain was still stuck on _hot and sweaty._ He couldn't think past it because as the words came out of Genma's mouth his only thought had been _I wouldn't mind seeing Kakashi naked._ He was trying desperately to find out where the thought had come from, or if it was a different thought and he'd just interpreted it wrong because he was so tired.

Because it wasn't supposed to be like that. He was A-Okay with gay people, it was just that _he wasn't one._ He didn't like men in that way. Especially not talented famous jōnin who had nice personalities. Definitely not.

"You let him stay at you house for over a week, Sensei," Genma accused. "_Something _must have happened."

Iruka shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "Yes, _something_ happened. He was injured, and he got better. That was all."

The special jōnin studied Iruka's face carefully but couldn't find a lie in the clear brown eyes. "So you're not gay," he said eventually.

"No," Iruka snapped. "I simply care about people. You should too, seeing as it's your job to protect them."

"I do." Genma grinned. "I care about all the pretty ladies with the big boobies."

"Of course you do," Raidou said, walking up behind him and punching him lightly in the back. "It's all you ever think about."

"Ah, you wound me Raidou." Genma pretended to pout. "I'm not just a pretty face and an airhead. I have talent too you know."

Raidou rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah? Then where's it all hiding?"

Genma scowled at him and stamped his foot petulantly. "It's hiding in a place where one day it'll come out and kick your ass!"

"Smooth, Genma, smooth," Raidou muttered as he handed over his mission report to Iruka. "Is he bothering you, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka smiled at the older man and stamped his report. "Not a lot more than usual, Raidou-san."

"Hey hey, hang on Rai," Genma put in, "You can't just talk to him like it's okay without checking first. He's a gay fraternizer."

Raidou stepped on his foot, hard, making him wince. "I've decided that even though I don't like it, Kakashi-san has the right to fuck whoever he wants. I don't want anything to do with him, but whatever he does in his own home is his business. And I don't believe that Iruka-sensei is gay. Are you?"

Iruka shook his head. "Thank you, Raidou-san."

Raidou smiled. "You're a nice guy, Iruka-sensei. Just don't let yourself be taken advantage of."

As soon as Genma and Raidou left the afternoon rush began, and Iruka didn't have time to indulge in his treacherous thoughts of Kakashi. Some shinobi avoided him purposefully, and joined Kotetsu's much longer line in an act of defiance, but he found it didn't matter. Old students of his still wanted to chat and cared about him, and he wondered for a fleeting moment if they'd still feel the same if he actually was gay. He shook the thought out of his head as fast as it had come. He _wasn't_ interested in men in that way.

But that didn't stop him from asking Kotetsu if he could find out where Kakashi lived when his shift started winding down. _I just want to make sure he's okay,_ he told himself. Kotetsu looked much too thrilled when he handed Iruka the address.

"I just need to make sure he's alright," Iruka defended.

Kotetsu just grinned.

**o0o**

Kakashi was surprised to hear someone knocking on his door. The only person who ever visited was Gai and Gai didn't knock, Gai 'Dynamic Entry'ed. He slung a towel round his shoulders and went to answer it, not caring if anyone saw his face.

He was even more surprised to see that the person standing there was Iruka, and not the angry mob he'd expected. "Wasn't I just at your place yesterday?" he asked, wondering if perhaps he'd left something behind.

"Ah, y-yeah."

Iruka was blushing and stuttering, and although he found it cute he wondered what caused such a reaction. "Did you want to come in?" he asked, holding the door open and stepping to the side.

Iruka stepped inside and toed off his shoes nervously, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. He didn't know why he felt so nervous, but he was definitely blaming Kakashi. Kami, he hadn't expected the man to open the door _shirtless._ Like anyone would be able to form a full sentence when faced with a perfectly toned pale chest dotted with shining beads of sweat.

Kakashi caught him staring. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, misinterpreting the gaze, "I was just practicing my kata. I'm a little out of shape after being laid up all week."

"Ah, it's alright," Iruka managed to say, unable to keep himself from staring as Kakashi slipped the towel from around his shoulders and rubbed it across his chest and over his abs. _Kami, what is wrong with me?_

Kakashi frowned at him. "Are you feeling okay, Iruka? You seem a little… out of it."

Iruka nodded much too fast and too hard, feeling like his head was going to fall off. "I'm fine."

Kakashi stared for a bit before flapping a hand at the couch and saying, "Sit down. Do you want anything? Tea or coffee, water, juice?"

Iruka sat down tentatively on the very edge of the couch cushion. "I'll have coffee, but only if you're having some," he said shakily. He felt incredibly out of place and awkward in Kakashi's apartment. There was something odd about it, and he put it down to the decorations not feeling very much like Kakashi. And then he wondered how he'd even know that.

"Here." Suddenly there was a pale chest blocking his vision and Kakashi was handing him a cup. Their hands brushed and Iruka jumped, spilling the coffee over the couch.

"Gods, I'm so sorry," Iruka said, mortified.

Kakashi just shrugged. "It's not mine, I bought this place fully furnished and I'll probably be living here until I die and by then it won't matter. Are you alright?"

Iruka nodded and Kakashi gently took the cup from him, slinging his towel onto the couch to soak up most of the coffee. "Would you like another one?"

"No, I'm fine, thank you." Iruka smiled shakily. _Don't give me another chance to make a fool out of myself._

"Okay." Kakashi stood awkwardly in front of him, unsure what to do. He only had the one piece of furniture, and he didn't feel comfortable sitting so close to Iruka. It had the potential to get quite embarrassing. "So, what did you come here for?" he asked eventually.

Iruka looked up, prepared to ask if Kakashi was doing alright. But obviously he was doing alright, a lot better than Iruka himself it appeared. "What's it like, being with another man?" he asked. It took a few seconds for him to realize what he'd just said and when it sunk in his hands flew to his mouth. _Oh god oh god oh god he must think I'm so weird._

Kakashi's eyebrows shot up. _Why would he ask me that?_ He thought back to what Kotetsu – or was it Izumo? He couldn't remember which chūnin was which – had said, that it wouldn't take much for Iruka to change his sexual orientation. Was that what this was? How on earth was he supposed to react to that question? "What exactly are you asking?"

Iruka's face went bright red. "I- I don't even know," he choked out. "I didn't mean to ask that it just came out."

Kakashi smiled. That was probably a good thing right, that he subconsciously thinking about it? "Would you like to think about what you're asking, or do you want me to just forget you ever said that?" he asked, feeling sorry for the incredibly embarrassed chūnin.

Iruka breathed a sigh of relief. He was being offered a way out. But suddenly he was curious about what Kakashi would actually answer. "If it's not too personal," he said slowly, scratching his nose uncomfortably, "I just… I don't know. I just can't see how it would be pleasurable."

"For the guy on the bottom, you mean?" Kakashi asked. If he played this right, maybe Iruka would want to try something.

"Yeah." Iruka stared at his feet. "Isn't it… painful?"

Kakashi nodded. "At first. It doesn't necessarily have to be, it depends how careful your partner is, but it's always a little uncomfortable to begin with."

Iruka stared at him, wide-eyed. "So you – you've been on the bottom before?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Do you find that hard to believe?"

"But," Iruka stumbled over his words, "Isn't being on the bottom like being the woman? You're too strong to be the woman in any relationship."

Kakashi shrugged. "It feels good. And the top – the seme – isn't always the one who's in control."

Iruka scrunched up his nose in a way that Kakashi found adorable. "I just can't see you taking it from anyone though," he said.

"You're imagining me having sex with someone?" Kakashi teased.

Iruka blushed. "N-no, I just… I don't know. I only came here to see if you were doing okay!"

"I'm fine," Kakashi smiled. Perhaps it would be best to let Iruka have some time to himself to figure out what he wanted. He faked a yawn. "I am quite tired, though."

"Oh, okay, I'll leave then," Iruka said, hurrying to stand up.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said, "I didn't mean to kick you out."

"It's alright, I think I need – it's alright," Iruka said, and backed out of the door. "Thank you for the coffee."

Kakashi padded slowly back to his bedroom where he resumed his kata sequence with a smile on his face. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope for him.


	5. Reason

**o0o**

Iruka wanted to kick himself in the face. He couldn't believe that he'd been so stupid. _Why_ had he asked that? Well, at least Kakashi had been nice about it, although it had seemed like the older man had just been humouring him. He had no idea what he was thinking anymore.

He stalked into his room, flopped down on the bed and screamed into his pillow. It made him feel a little better, but not much. What on earth had he been thinking? He tried to analyze it rationally. Kakashi would be thinking he was off his rocker, which he was starting to believe could be close to the truth. Since when did he initiate, or even contribute to, conversations about sex? Since never, that's when.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on his door, and quickly decided that it would be too much effort to get up and answer it. If it was Kotetsu or Izumo they'd let themselves in, and if it was anybody else they could go away. He wasn't in the mood for company. _What if it's Kakashi?_ his mind traitorously whispered, and he jammed a pillow over his head, moaning. Dammit he did _not _want to think about that silver-haired jōnin anymore.

And that was how Izumo found him. "Oi, 'Ruka," he said, shaking his shoulder gently. "What's up?"

Iruka slowly shifted the pillow off his head and rolled over to look up at his friend, groaning. "I don't even know," he said pitifully.

"You don't know what? What happened?" Izumo asked, starting to feel slightly panicked. He perched carefully on the edge of the bed, studying Iruka carefully.

"I went to see Kakashi," he said slowly, "And I meant to ask him if he was doing alright. But instead I asked – I asked what's it like to be with a man."

Izumo almost fell off the bed in surprise. Iruka looked at him mournfully with big puppy dog eyes. "I don't even know _why_ I said it."

"What did he say?" Izumo asked, curious as to how the Copy-nin had handled things.

"He was really nice about it." Iruka rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead, hiding his eyes. "He asked me if I really wanted an answer or if I wanted him to forget I'd asked."

"And?" Izumo prodded.

"And instead of backing out like any sane person would, I asked him for an answer!" Iruka rolled onto his side and pulled his knees up protectively so he was curled in a ball. "What is wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you," Izumo said soothingly, rubbing circles on his friend's back. "You're just a little curious, that's all."

"I don't _want_ to be curious," Iruka said fiercely, biting his lip.

Izumo sighed. "I know what you mean," he said quietly. "When I realized that I wanted more from Kotetsu I was afraid, and disgusted in myself. I was so scared that my feelings would ruin our friendship." He smiled. "But in the end, it brought us closer together and made our friendship stronger."

Iruka stared at him unhappily. "You think that I want to be like that with Kakashi?"

Izumo shrugged. "What do you think about him?"

"Well, he's nice," Iruka said, "And intelligent, and shy, and funny and handsome."

Izumo raised an eyebrow. "Handsome?"

Iruka blushed lightly. "Well – you saw his face! Don't you think so?"

"Yeah, I guess." Izumo shrugged. "He's got nothing on Ko, though."

"He's so much better than Ko!" Iruka argued. "He has the cutest little pink nipples -"

_Cutest nipples,_ Izumo mouthed wordlessly. Iruka turned a violent shade of red. "Oh gods, am I really crushing on him?"

"I'm afraid so," Izumo agreed, still partly in shock. _Cutest nipples? How does he even know what Kakashi's nipples look like? I don't think I want to know._

Iruka clutched at his hair madly. "'Zumo, what do I do? I've never liked a guy before, and he's the freaking Copy-nin."

"Well, maybe you should talk to him," Izumo suggested.

"Talk to him? I can't talk to him!" Iruka said, eyes wild. "I wouldn't know what to say! And I don't even want to think about whatever two guys do in the bedroom together. It sounds painful!"

"Iruka, you've been talking to him for the last week and a half. Why would it suddenly be different now?" Izumo said. "And just stop thinking about sex at all. If it happens, deal with it then. Kakashi's not exactly going to drag you into bed straight away, baka."

"Kakashi's not going to drag me anywhere except perhaps away from him," Iruka said morosely. "I'm sure he thinks I'm an idiot."

Izumo sighed. "He's a genius, 'Ruka. I'm sure he knows better than to judge you from one outburst. Particularly because you didn't judge him when everyone else did."

Iruka sat up and wrapped his arms around his friend's neck. "I'm sorry, 'Zumo. You're probably right. I just – need more time to think about this."

Izumo hugged him back gently. "Take all the time that you need. It's not really any of my business, it's between you and Kakashi. I should probably go home anyway, Ko's cooking and I don't want him to burn the whole complex down."

Iruka gave a weak laugh. "Well, make sure you wake me up before you run out of the building screaming. I don't really want to die with all these unresolved problems."

Izumo smiled and gave him a little squeeze before letting go. "It'll all work out in the end, you'll see."

**o0o**

_A hot, biting mouth worked its way down his neck, over his chest and around his stomach, stopping to rest at his crotch. He wrapped his hand in chocolate brown strands as the man ghosted warm breath over his cock before sucking it all in to that tight, wet heat. He arched his back off the mattress, moaning a name he knew he had no right to call._

Kakashi woke up flushed, naked, hard and upset. "You should stop thinking about that, because it's not going to happen," he muttered to himself crossly. "And even if it could happen would you really want to put him in the same position as you, with everybody scorning his name?"

_Yes,_ the selfish part of his mind answered. _Gods yes. I want that little chūnin no matter what._

"Shut up," he replied, not caring that he was talking to himself. "He deserves better than you."

_Ah, but don't you deserve something better than what this village is offering you? You have been loyal all your life, you know._

"And I will continue to be so."

_Why, because you don't know anything else? That's sad, Kashi-kun. You don't owe them anything._

"Stop it," he mumbled, rolling over and accidentally brushing his erection against the mattress, sending a jolt of electricity shooting through him. "I'm not going to defect, and I'm not going to force Iruka to have sex with me."

_Are you going to think about him while you take care of your little problem down there, though? You know you want to. That smooth tanned skin and those big trusting eyes. He's gorgeous._

Kakashi nodded in agreement and his hand slipped down to circle his member without thinking. Gods, it would feel so good to be inside of Iruka.

When he was finished he lay in his own mess feeling sickened by himself. He was truly a disgusting person, using Iruka's image like that. He wished, not for the first time, that he could take back what he had just done. But the evidence was there, cooling and stiffening on his stomach. Kakashi dropped his hands to his sides and closed his eyes in defeat.

**o0o**

Iruka hadn't slept very well. He'd had bizarre dreams in which he was chasing Kakashi, and Kakashi chased him, but neither of them ever caught up to the other. It caused a strange feeling of unhappiness in the pit of his stomach. Frustrated and tired he pulled himself out of bed to get ready for school. He went through the motions zombie-like, without thought, and almost forgot his satchel, having to run back and get it. _If this is as bad as the day starts it's only going to get worse,_ he thought pessimistically.

As he ran out the door for the second time he collided with a sleepy Kotetsu taking out the trash. Kotetsu's face lit up when he saw him. "Hey 'Ruka, did it go well last night?"

Iruka brushed past him, calling over his shoulder, "Talk to 'Zumo, I'm late!"

Kotetsu shook his head and wandered back into his apartment, which was conveniently located across the hall from Iruka's in the chūnin accommodation building. "Hey 'Zumo!" he yelled as soon as he was in the door.

"Shush Ko, I'm sleeping!" came the shouted reply.

Kotetsu shook his head, padding softly into the bedroom and staring at his naked boyfriend all twisted up in the sheets. "'Zumo, how do you even do that? I only got up ten minutes ago."

"Shh." Izumo held a finger to his lips, eyes closed. "Sleeping."

"You are not." Kotetsu bent down and yanked the sheet away.

Izumo whined and curled up in a ball. "Give that back, meanie. It's cold."

"Then put some damn clothes on. You need to get up anyway, we have gate duty in a couple of hours."

Izumo rolled over so his back was facing his partner. "Give it back," he huffed. "Don't wanna work with blanket-stealers."

"I made you breakfast," Kotetsu wheedled.

Izumo half turned, opening one eye a crack. "What breakfast?" he asked suspiciously.

"Blueberry pancakes?"

One second Kotetsu was standing, the next he was on the floor with an excited Izumo straddling him. "Did you really make me blueberry pancakes?" the long-haired chūnin asked. "'Cause if you didn't you're sleeping on the couch for the next week."

Kotetsu laughed and ruffled Izumo's hair. "Do I ever lie to you?"

"Well, you told me I looked good in that shirt and then I wore it to my mum's birthday and she told me it was disgusting and I had to go change," Izumo accused.

"But you do look good in that shirt," Kotetsu said defensively. "It shows off all your sexy muscles and your belly button ring. She didn't like it because she didn't know you had the piercing and she didn't want all her friends to know you were gay. Which is probably a good thing."

"I know, Ko, but you could have told me that before I left."

"Heh, sorry." Kotetsu chuckled nervously. "I was too busy checking out your ass."

"Whatever." Izumo shrugged. "That was last year anyway. I want my pancakes."

"Ah, but you have to tell me what you talked to Iruka about last night first," Kotetsu said.

Izumo snickered. "He went to see Kakashi and asked him what it was like to have sex with a guy. He's definitely got a crush, but he's not 100% sure about it yet."

Kotetsu stared at him. "Why couldn't he have asked you or me that? It's not really a question you ask someone you want to date. Although, I'd give anything to see Kakashi's face after hearing that."

"I don't think he planned on saying it at all, it just came out. And apparently Kakashi was a real gentleman about it."

"That's good." Kotetsu wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him closer. "He could be really good for 'Ruka, you know," he added, nibbling on Izumo's ear.

Izumo sighed and pulled away, saving his earlobe from Kotetsu's questing tongue. "I hope so. But what will happen to 'Ruka if they do get together? People will hate him too."

"I'm sure Iruka could single-handedly change the village's opinion on gay relationships. He just has a way with people," Kotetsu said reassuringly while attempting to catch his partner's ear again.

"True," Izumo said, twisting his head away from Kotetsu. "Anything we could do to help them? Iruka thinks that Kakashi's too famous for him and Kakashi – I don't know what Kakashi thinks, but I'd reason he's pretty insecure right now."

"Hmm." Kotetsu tried his best to look thoughtful for a while then gave up. "I got nothing."

"Do you remember that time that we got Iruka drunk and he-" Kotetsu successfully managed to get Izumo's earlobe between his teeth and pulled. "Stop that, Ko! Damn you, I'm going to get my pancakes."

Izumo stood up and walked off with as much dignity as a just-fucked naked man can manage. Kotetsu looked after him forlornly. "Uh, Zu-zu?"

Izumo turned and glared at him. "What?"

Kotetsu stared very interestedly at a spot on the floor and mumbled, "I, uh, didn't actually make any pancakes."

Izumo stared at him incredulously, and the force of his roar could be felt through the entire chūnin complex. "Ko-tet-_suuu!"_

**o0o**

Kakashi cast a critical eye over himself in the mirror. He was naked, and his hair was still damp from his shower. His body was lean, with virtually no fat, and his skin stretched taut over hard muscle decorated with white ridged scars. As he moved, his skin rippled. He wasn't ugly, he decided. That was a good thing.

He leaned in closer to study his face carefully. His skin was extremely pale, but he had a nice bone structure. A narrow, slightly pointy nose and a delicate, almost feminine jaw. What had Iruka called him? Handsome? That was good enough for him. Turning away from the mirror he started tugging on his clothes. He needed to go on a mission, if only to give his mind something to focus on that didn't revolve around a certain good-looking sensei. He also needed to go outside, let the people know he wasn't afraid of them. He'd almost gone cabin crazy locked up at Iruka's, but now that he had the chance he wasn't keen to see what people thought of him.

_Oh well. Head held high, Hatake. You didn't need their support before, and you don't need it now. _Kakashi pulled up his mask and straightened his hitai-ate, brushing down the hem of his jacket. He took a deep breath. He was as ready as he'd ever be.

Walking down the street without being called to was a new experience, one he kind of enjoyed. He didn't dare pull out his Icha Icha, but he still carried it with him inside his flak jacket, just for comfort. The stares he was used to as well, but the feeling behind them was different. They used to be admiring, and fearfully proud. Now people were looking at him with distaste and mistrust. _This must be how my father felt,_ he thought with a shock. _He was loved and respected too, originally. And then he was spat at… just for being who he was, and following his heart._

Kakashi felt a clenching in his chest. It hurt to admit it, but this was the closest he'd felt to his father since – the closest he'd ever felt to his father, actually. _He was going through this ostracism and he had nobody… not even me. How would I feel if I didn't have Iruka-sensei on my side?_

He continued walking, lost in his own mind, only to be broken out of it by the cold accusing glare of Genma, who was sitting behind the mission room desk chewing furiously on his senbon. "Looking for a mission, Hatake?" Genma said, smirking.

Kakashi didn't bother speaking, merely dipping his head in an affirmative response.

"Well, I have a mission for you." Genma paused for dramatic effect, then snarled, "Stay the fuck away from Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi didn't flinch. "I think that Iruka is old enough to pick his own friends."

"Iruka is stupidly nice," Genma growled. "Just because he trusts you doesn't mean I have to."

"Maa, Genma, I don't particularly care if you trust me or not." Kakashi scrunched his right eye up into a smile he didn't feel.

"You're not going to get into my pants," Genma said flatly. "I'd like to have you exiled for your dirty habits."

Kakashi barely restrained from rolling his eyes. "Why would you even begin to think there's a chance I'd be attracted to you? You're a disgusting, smarmy bastard with possibly hundreds of unknown diseases. I'm practically abstinent in comparison to your 'dirty habits'."

Genma wasn't sure whether to be glad Kakashi wasn't attracted to him or offended that his looks were found lacking. He settled on growling, "You just better not lay one finger on Iruka-sensei, faggot."

"Just give me a mission, Genma. I didn't come here just for your company, pleasant though it is." Kakashi added another eye smile, as it seemed to get Genma riled up, and held out his hand palm up. Genma slapped a mission scroll into it without checking what it was.

"Get out of here."

Kakashi shrugged. "Fine." He sauntered off, appearing unperturbed as always, but Genma's words had struck a chord with him. _Even if Iruka is attracted to me, do I really want him to have to go through all this? It would affect him a lot more than it does me, because he actually has a life and friends. I didn't lose much because I didn't have much to begin with._

He unsealed the scroll Genma had given him. C-rank. Showing some kid where to find some herbs and then walking him home to some nearby town. It wasn't exactly the perfect mission to distract his mind, but he could count himself lucky. If Genma had actually been thinking properly he'd have either given him D-rank swamp cleaning, or a ridiculous A-rank in the hopes that he'd get killed on the job. For the first time he was almost glad of the special jōnin's stupidity.

**o0o**

His students were acting weird, more so than normal. They kept _staring_ at him. Iruka checked his pants for the hundredth time to see if he'd sat in something, then surreptitiously sniffed at his armpits. His pants were clean, and by his opinion he didn't smell that bad. So what on earth was wrong with him? He felt his cheeks colouring, and cursed his telltale face. _Can they somehow tell what I've been thinking about Kakashi? Has it really changed me that much?_

He didn't _want_ to think about Kakashi, but it appeared that his brain didn't want to give him that choice. It seemed to enjoy thinking about Kakashi's bare chest, and the way his training pants hung low on his hips. It was also straining to imagine what lay underneath the pants, a thought which made him equal parts nervous and excited. That evolved into another thought, _what if he shows me his thingy and it's bigger than mine? Do gay guys worry about that? Will he laugh at me?_ He paused in thought. _Do I even want to see his thingy?_

"Iruka-sensei, I need to go to the bathroom." Iruka was startled out of his contemplative state by a child's whine. _Shit._ He'd been thinking about Kakashi's… privates while teaching? Something was seriously wrong with him.

"Sure, Moegi, take the pass," he said, handing her a wooden tag absently. The little girl grabbed it and streaked out the door. _She must have been trying to grab my attention for a while, _he thought guiltily. _Well, I guess I can try make up for it now._ Iruka stepped out from behind his desk and leaned against the front of it. "Who wants to learn about some really cool famous shinobi?" he asked.

Konohamaru's hand shot up into the air.

"Yes, Konohamaru?"

"I _know_ a famous shinobi!" the little boy crowed.

"And who would that be?" Iruka asked, smiling.

"Naruto! Naruto is the bestest and most famousest ninja ever!"

Iruka grinned and refrained from telling him that as a genin Naruto was far from being the best or famous, though he didn't doubt the boy could make it one day. "Yes, there is Naruto. But higher than him are a lot of other famous ninja. Have any of you heard of the legendary sannin?" A few kids nodded. "Can anyone give me their names?"

History was Iruka's favourite subject to teach. The kids got so excited when learning about powerful ninjas and bloodline limits, and unlike weapons training (which they also got excited about) teaching history had very few physical dangers. The kids all imagined themselves in the future to be just like these powerful ninja, and the spark in their eyes made him happy. The only one he didn't like teaching about was the White Fang. He usually avoided the subject altogether, but every so often he was forced to teach it. When he couldn't avoid it he made sure to tell his classes that while Hatake Sakumo had done wrong as a shinobi he had done right as a person. It involved a lot of explaining and the kids never quite got it, but he felt it was worth it. In his opinion a shinobi who didn't understand the importance and worth of a human life was a poor shinobi indeed.

**o0o**

"How can you see with that thingy over your eye? Are you a real life ninja? Do you kill people? Why is your hair all grey, are you old? My dad's a builder, can you build things?"

The kid turned out to be younger than he had expected, and his incessant chatter was giving Kakashi a headache. "Have you finished picking all the herbs yet?" he asked tersely.

"No, not yet," the kid replied cheerfully. "What's your family like? I have a mum and a dad and two sisters - I hate them, they're mean – two brothers and a dog and a goat. I'm the youngest and everyone picks on me but they're all real nice like when I'm sick and stuff and help me."

"I don't have any family," Kakashi said, wishing the kid would hurry up.

The little boy looked at him with so much pity in his eyes Kakashi wanted to smack him. "Oh, that's sad," he said morosely. "Do you really not have anyone?"

Kakashi thought about Iruka, and how even if he wanted to he would never have a family of his own. And he really didn't want to be reminded of his father. "No, I don't," Kakashi said with false cheer, crinkling his eye shut. "But I do have eight dogs."

"Wow." The little boy's eyes went round and large. "That's so cool."

"Uhuh. How much more do you need to pick? I can help you." _Anything to get you home as soon as possible._

"Um, this many more." The boy held out both hands with fingers outstretched, the thumb and pinky of one hand folded down. Then he frowned. "I'm not actually sure. I was just supposed to get as much as possible, because Mummy's not feeling well."

Kakashi studied the plants the child had collected. _Burdock root and dandelions. _"Why doesn't you mother see a doctor?"

"Because she says she's done it all before and doesn't need help. She's giving me a new little brother or sister, you know. Then I won't be the youngest!"

_Pregnant, huh? Who wants six kids?_ Kakashi thought about his own childhood and thought wryly that if his father had had six geniuses like him running around he would have killed himself sooner. "You probably have enough, then. The plants you're collecting aren't to cure sickness, they're just to promote health."

"Okay!" The little boy smiled up at him trustingly. Nobody had ever looked at him like that before, and he wondered how Iruka handled it. The pure innocence and naivety radiating from the child was enough to set his hair on end. "You're gonna walk me home now? Papa said I have to get back as fast as possible."

Kakashi looked at the kid, and knowing that he'd never have his own child to look at him with such trust made him inexplicably sad. He didn't even _like_ kids, but something in him twinged knowing that he was the last of his clan. "If you tell me where to go I'll run you there like a real ninja," he offered.

"Really?" The boy's eyes lit up when Kakashi nodded. "Wow. My brothers are going to be so jealous."

He took the kid through the treetops, not as fast as he could run but fast enough that the boy was whooping and cheering as the wind whistled past his ears. The noise set all his nerves on edge, the lessons drilled into him as a child making him edgy at giving away his position so easily, but fortunately the boy didn't live too far away.

"That was awesome," the kid breathed as he was placed gently onto the ground. "It's like flying."

"It's how I usually get around," Kakashi said, looking around for an adult he could give the kid to so he could get out of there.

The little boy grabbed his hand. "C'mon, you have to meet my mum."

Kakashi let himself be led, mostly out of shock. Nobody had ever held his hand before. His father had said it was for the weak, and showed dependency.

"Look, look!" The boy had dragged him into a small house and was now pointing at a very ill looking woman lying on a thin mattress. "Mama, I made a ninja friend."

Kakashi thought of the huge Hatake compound he'd lived in with his father that contained a house much too large for only two people. _This place is much too small for seven people. _

"It is nice to meet you, Shinobi-san," the woman said weakly. "I am sorry I cannot offer you better hospitality."

Kakashi frowned. Her sickness wasn't just pregnancy. He lifted his hitai-ate slightly and studied her chakra patterns. Being a civilian her chakra wasn't strong, but it was there. And it was twisting weirdly around her stomach, not following the normal lines of pregnancy. He stepped forward and watched as the woman shrank back from him slightly. "Ma'am, you need to see a medic-nin."

"I'm fine," the boy's mother said, struggling to sit up. "I've had children before."

"Your chakra circulatory system is messed up," Kakashi said flatly. "If you let me I could probably fix it for you, otherwise I will alert Tsunade-sama to do something about it. It could kill you, and then you'd be leaving your children to fend for themselves." _Like I had to._

The woman looked afraid. "I am sorry, Shinobi-san, but I cannot afford any treatment even if I wanted to." She gestured at the dirty room. "This is all we have."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "And how much did you pay to have me escort your child home after collecting herbs that aren't going to help you as much as you think they are? Oh, that's right." He pulled the mission scroll out of his pocket. "If I get paid this much, then you would have paid… hmm."

He pulled his wallet out of his weapons pouch and pulled out a few bills. "I'll pay you this much if you let me heal you. I'm not trained specifically as a medic-nin, so you'd have to trust me. That's what the money's for."

The woman looked at the money and gasped. "That's more than what I paid for your assistance, Shinobi-san. I cannot take that."

Kakashi shrugged. "I'm leaving it here anyway, I have no need for it. But I'd feel neglectful if I left without healing you." He eyed her solemnly. "My father was unable to handle raising one child by himself. How would you feel knowing you were leaving your husband to deal with five?"

The woman cast her eyes down. "If you can help me, Shinobi-san, I would be in your debt."

Kakashi smiled, rolled his sleeves up and pulled off his gloves. "Maa, there's no need for that. I just think it's healthier for children to have both parents alive."

**o0o**

Kakashi felt terribly subdued as he made his way back to the village. He'd never known poverty like that, but he'd also never known family like that. When the mother had gotten out of the bed and claimed she felt much better all of the children had cheered and the father had looked at him with tears glistening in his eyes. "Bless you, son," he'd said, even though Kakashi was sure he wasn't all that much younger than the man.

He was ready for a nice long chat with Obito, he realized. He hadn't been outside at all while at Iruka's, and he had a lot to tell the energetic Uchiha. Perhaps it was also time to have a chat with his father.

He slowed down as he neared the memorial stone, sensing someone else's presence. He bit the inside of his cheek in frustration. There was no way he could visit the stone with someone else there, and he remembered the last time he'd gone somewhere else to chat with Obito. That was what had started this whole mess. _Damn Anko._

Well, he needed to be here. Screw the other person. If they felt intimidated or disgusted by him they could leave. He had as much right as anyone else to be here. Kakashi slipped silently off the branch and stalked over to stand right behind the other person, in their personal space. It bothered him to do it because he didn't like being this close to anyone, but he really wanted them to leave.

"Thank you, Kaa-san, Tou-san," the other person said softly after a few minutes of silence, and then turned to leave. Only, Kakashi was in his way. The man turned red instantly, and looked everywhere but Kakashi's face. "Kakashi-san? Why were you behind me?"

Kakashi stared. _Iruka?_ He looked… beautiful was the word Kakashi chose. He was frowning slightly, blushing fiercely, and determinedly looking away.

And then the beautiful Iruka had grabbed the front of his flak jacket and was shaking him slightly. "Oh, I've had it with this! _Why_ does everyone keep staring at me? Is there dirt on my face or something?"

"No," Kakashi said, startled, and without thinking reached forward to brush a stray lock of brown hair behind Iruka's ear. Iruka froze and his heart beat faster. "You didn't tie your hair up," Kakashi said softly. "That's probably why people were staring at you." _Because you look beautiful with it down._

Iruka's body snapped back into motion, looking for a hair tie. "Dammit, how could I forget that," he muttered.

Kakashi grabbed his wrist and he looked up in surprise. "Don't," Kakashi said quietly. "It looks nice."

There it was again, his traitorous erratic heartbeat. He was sure Kakashi could hear it, because he could no longer hear anything else.

"T-thank you," he stuttered, unsure what to do or what he wanted.

"Maa," Kakashi was scratching the back of his head and looking sheepish, "I just came back from a mission. Could you help me with the report?"

It was strange. After seeing Iruka there he had no longer felt the pressing need to talk to Obito. He'd still like to talk to his father, but he'd probably go to the old Hatake compound for that. The name Hatake Sakumo wasn't written on the stone.

"Yes, of course." Iruka smiled brightly. "My place or yours?"

"Are you propositioning me, Sensei?" Kakashi said in a low, seductive voice, then mentally kicked himself for it. What a way to scare him off.

Iruka just blushed and looked away, not giving an answer.

_Cute._ "Your place," Kakashi said to ease his embarrassment. "People might think I'm abducting you if I take you to mine."

Iruka nodded in silent agreement, and Kakashi started walking off, assuming the chūnin would follow. He did. When they reached the door to the chūnin building Iruka asked, "Have you ever been in a relationship before, Kakashi?"

Kakashi stopped walking and gave him a crinkled eye smile, which by the look on Iruka's face he didn't believe was genuine. "I'm pretty sure you can guess the answer to that one." He started walking again before adding, "If it makes it any easier to guess, today was the first day I've ever held anybody's hand." He smiled wryly to himself. For some odd reason it felt good to admit it. "And it was a seven-year-old kid's hand."

Iruka pulled out his keys and jammed one into the door, disarming his wards with the other hand. He stepped inside and looked at Kakashi calculatingly for a moment before grabbing his hand and pulling him inside too, kicking the door shut behind him. "Did you like holding his hand?" he asked.

Kakashi stared down at their joint hands. He'd expected Iruka to let go, but he hadn't. And now his hand felt all warm and tingly. "It felt different than this. It made me feel powerful, needed and trusted."

"And how," Iruka gulped lightly, "Do you feel holding _my_ hand?"

Kakashi thought about it. It was hard to put a name to what exactly he was feeling. "Happy," he said eventually.

Iruka let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, then stared at the floor in embarrassment. He had no idea where to take things from here.

"Iruka?" Iruka looked up. Kakashi was gazing at him quizzically. "_Why_ are you holding my hand?"

Iruka pulled his hand back like he'd been burned. "I-I'm sorry!" He could feel his face flaming again.

Kakashi was still staring at him. "I didn't say I didn't like it." He kind of missed the warmth of the chūnin's hand against his own. It was comforting, in a weird way. "I just asked why."

"I don't know why," Iruka muttered. "I just wanted to."

Kakashi tugged down his mask and smiled. Iruka stared, transfixed. He'd gotten used to seeing Kakashi's face when the man was in his house, but the actual motion of pulling off the mask added the mysteriousness back on for some absurd reason. _He has dimples,_ he thought. _It's adorable._

"Iruka," Kakashi whispered, "Don't hate me for this."

Suddenly his entire vision was filled with Kakashi and there was a warm gentle pressure on his lips. _Kakashi is… kissing me?_ His eyes fluttered closed and he hesitantly returned the pressure. Kakashi's lips were surprisingly soft and warm against his, and when he parted them slightly Kakashi slipped his tongue inside his mouth, flicking it against his tentatively.

Suddenly the pressure was gone and Kakashi was standing five feet away from him. Iruka blinked a couple of times, his face flushed and very confused.

Two seconds later, Kotetsu and Izumo broke through his door. "Hey, 'Ruka," Kotetsu called, but stopped short when he saw Kakashi. He swiveled his head back and forth between the two. "Did we just walk in on something?"

Iruka shook his head furiously, gaze firmly on the floor. Kakashi just stared at them.

"Well, we should be going now," Izumo said slowly, dragging Kotetsu back out the door.

"Make sure to use protection," Kotetsu added before Izumo hit him.

The door slammed shut, and an awkward silence ensued. Iruka glanced up from beneath his lashes to look at Kakashi, who was fiddling with his sleeve and staring at a spot on the floor with apparent interest. And he was _blushing._ It looked like it was up to him to save the situation. Iruka cleared his throat. "I," he started, then faltered. "I'd like to try that again, please?"

Kakashi met his gaze and held it for a few seconds, then looked away. "That's probably not a good idea," he said, the words ripping themselves out of his throat, his breathing slightly too fast.

Iruka stared at him, his heart in his eyes and his mouth downturned. "Why not?" he said angrily. "_You_ kissed _me._"

Kakashi laced his fingers together to stop them from shaking. He couldn't remember ever being this nervous. "If we go any further than this, people will find out. They will hate you. You could lose your job."

Iruka stayed silent, speechless in the face of Kakashi's apparent selflessness.

"I realized this morning that how I feel now is how my father felt, the feeling that killed him. I don't want you to go through that," Kakashi said quietly. "I didn't really have anything to lose. You stand to lose a lot."

"What if I think I want this?" Iruka asked, meeting Kakashi's eyes defiantly. "Are you choosing for me?"

Kakashi shook his head and rubbed at his temples tiredly. "Do you _know_ that you want this? Because if you're acting on a whim you're throwing away a lot for nothing, and barely two weeks ago you were adamant that you were straight. What changed?"

"I met you," Iruka said softly. "I met you and I couldn't goddamn stop thinking about you. I even told Izumo that you had cute nipples, for Kami's sake. Cute nipples? I've never thought anything like that before in my life. But somehow, yours _are._ I don't understand and I feel like I'm going freaking crazy but I have more damn butterflies in my stomach talking to you than I've had for all the girls I've ever dated put together."

Kakashi smiled softly. "Do I make you nervous, then?"

"Yes. I've never done this before and I'm extremely scared right now. But if this works, it could be the greatest turning point of my life. I didn't realize how lonely I had been until you left and everything was exactly the same as it was before you came but I felt like I was missing something. Because you were gone."

Kakashi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Iruka, squeezing tightly. "I need to be sure you want this," he whispered. "_You_ need to be sure you want this. Because it _will_ change your life, and possibly not in the way you imagine."

Iruka returned the hug, gripping as if to a lifeline. "I don't just want this. I think I _need_ it."


	6. Reassurance

_Warning for limey activity._

_Sorry if the title change confused any of you, but it was driving me crazy._

_D__ō__seiaisha literally just means same-sex-loving person, I thought it was more suitable in tone to the story overall._

**o0o**

"So what do we do now?" Kakashi asked, in all seriousness, reluctantly letting up his grip on Iruka.

Iruka grimaced. "What exactly are you referring to? What we do right now? Or what we're going to tell everyone? Or… just what?"

"Well," Kakashi scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "We've already established that I have absolutely zero experience in dating. And I'm assuming you don't want to skip directly to the sex part, which is what I do know how to do."

_He says that so casually,_ Iruka thought, blushing so hard he thought his face would catch on fire. "I-I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

Kakashi nodded in acceptance. He hadn't really expected any other answer. To tell the truth just Iruka kissing him back had had his heart beating super fast, despite the fact there wasn't really even any tongue involved. "So what do we do now, you know, in the meantime?"

"In the meantime?" Iruka repeated, puzzling over the weird choice of words for a bit before his brain clicked. "You mean, _in the meantime,_ as in while we're waiting for me to be okay with sex?"

Kakashi nodded happily. That sounded about right. At least Iruka was getting him.

Iruka was stuck halfway between feeling hurt and feeling amused at Kakashi's lack of tact, finally swinging slightly more towards the hurt side of things. "So you just want to hang around until I decide you can fuck me, you do it, and then what? You leave?"

Kakashi frowned. Perhaps Iruka wasn't getting him, after all. Something in Iruka's voice told him that he was treading a fine line, but he couldn't understand _why._ It was just a question. "No, hopefully once we do it you decide you like it and then we get to do it lots more times."

Iruka spun on his heel to face away from the jōnin-sized idiot in his living room and folded his arms over his chest protectively. Kakashi's words hurt a lot more than he'd expected them to.

"Hey…" Kakashi reached out to try and touch him and Iruka flinched. Kakashi quickly drew his hand back. "Did I say something wrong?"

The tears were threatening to come and Iruka blinked them back, hating himself for it. "No, it probably wasn't wrong to you," he said quietly.

"Then why was it so wrong for you?" Kakashi asked, confused. He moved around the chūnin so they were facing each other and was shocked to realize that Iruka was on the verge of crying. "What I said wasn't that bad, was it? You don't have to do anything with me if you don't want to."

Iruka scrubbed at his eyes furiously with the back of his hand. "You just want me for sex," he said bitterly. "Anko said that you did, but I – I didn't believe her. But you _do._"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Well yeah I want to sleep with you, but it's not everything. I like just being with you. I want to try this relationship thing out, which is why I asked you what we're supposed to do."

"So you don't intend to just wait around until I want to sleep with you and then pounce on me?" Iruka asked carefully.

"No." Kakashi was even more confused. _What is that even supposed to mean? _"I want to do what couples do, with you. But in Icha Icha they always jump into bed first and don't get out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I just like being around you," he admitted. "So if you tell me, I can do it?"

Iruka smiled behind his tears, feeling rather foolish. "That's because Jiraiya wrote them," he said. "And spending time together is pretty much the foundation of a relationship. You don't _have _to do anything."

"Oh." Kakashi looked thoughtful. "Then what do you want to do?"

Iruka was stumped. He hadn't actually thought this far. All he knew was that for some weird reason his body ached to be near Kakashi, and he liked being close to the jōnin. "I, well, the kissing thing was nice," he said lamely. He still had the taste of Kakashi on his tongue, and his mind had shyly been pushing him to ask for more.

Kakashi sunk down on the couch and patted his knees, smiling. "Come here, then."

Iruka looked at his face, then down at his knees, and back at his face. "You want me to sit on you?" he asked, incredulously. "Like a _girl?_"

"No, not like a girl. I've never had a girl sit on me before." Kakashi was laughing at him, he could tell. "Just come here, it's more comfortable than you're thinking."

Iruka looked at him dubiously, but climbed onto his lap anyway, a leg either side of Kakashi's waist, facing him. It was weird, he was nervous, and he could feel his face heating up. And Kakashi was _staring _at him.

"Is it really that bad?" Kakashi asked. He sounded almost disappointed.

Iruka thought about it. If he stopped thinking about the fact that he felt like a little girl sitting on her boyfriend's big strong lap then it did feel kinda good. He could feel the warmth of Kakashi's legs through his pants, and it was giving him shivers being this close to the Copy-nin. Kakashi was staring at him intently, uncontrolled desire burning in his eye, and instead of making him feel more nervous it sent little tingles of heat down to his groin, making him shaky all over.

Instead of answering Iruka leaned forward and captured Kakashi's lips with his own, scared about taking the initiative on something that was new to him but also excited. Kakashi's response was immediate and almost startling, one hand reaching up to tangle in his unbound hair and the other curling around his waist, pulling him closer. Iruka found he didn't mind, in fact he quite liked it.

He'd expected Kakashi to dominate the kiss, believing that in this relationship he'd be the one required to fill the role of submissive female, but the jōnin simply went with the pace that he set and allowed him to do whatever he wanted to. Gaining courage because of Kakashi's passive acceptance, Iruka started to explore.

Up until this point the kiss had been predominantly close mouthed, gentle. Feeling daring Iruka slipped his tongue inside Kakashi's mouth, tracing the line of the older man's tongue with his own and without actively thinking about it reached out a hand to clutch at Kakashi's shirt, attempting to drag him closer. It was a lot different kissing a man than a woman, he found. Kakashi's skin was soft from practically never being exposed to the sun, but slightly rough at the same time where stubble was attempting to grow. His lips were thinner than the average woman's, his mouth wider. Something about the knowledge of how powerful Kakashi was made Iruka feel heady and lightheaded kissing him, knowing that the jōnin could kill him in an instant but chose not to.

Kakashi was the one who broke the kiss, his hand curling tighter around Iruka's waist, his mouth dotting small kisses across Iruka's cheek and down his neck, following the line of his collarbone. The kisses turned into licks and small bites, hard enough to be arousing but not hard enough to leave a mark.

Iruka threw back his head and arched his back involuntarily, letting out an almost inaudible but highly sensual moan. Kakashi grinned against his skin, continuing to lick and bite while slipping the hand around Iruka's waist up underneath his shirt, reveling in the feel of the soft skin against his fingers. Iruka didn't even notice.

Kakashi chuckled. "Your body is incredibly responsive," he purred.

Iruka snapped forward and scratched the bridge of his nose, embarrassed, only just now noticing how he'd grasped and twisted a handful of Kakashi's shirt. "I'm sorry about your shirt," he said quickly, smoothing it down the best he could. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Of course you didn't." Kakashi smiled, his eye twinkling. "That's what's so good about it."

Iruka dropped his hands to his knees and looked down, afraid he'd start blushing if he looked at Kakashi's face.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed about it." Kakashi stroked his hair gently. "It makes me feel good, knowing I can make you lose your composure. Up until a little while ago I didn't think I even stood a chance with you."

"Were you nervous, when you kissed me?" Iruka asked softly.

Kakashi bowed his head, leaning into Iruka's shoulder. "Extremely," he admitted. "If I'd read things wrong and you didn't want it, you'd probably have kicked me out and I'd have lost my only friend."

"But you decided to do it anyway? You thought it was worth the risk?"

"Maa, there wasn't a lot of thinking or deciding going on to be honest. I just did it because I couldn't stop myself."

"Couldn't stop yourself?" Iruka repeated, not even realizing he'd said it out loud.

"Well, you were staring at me like you couldn't see anything else, your cheeks were all pink, and you had the most adorable confused expression on your face. It's enough to make anyone's brain mush."

Iruka promptly blushed and screwed up his nose. "I am not adorable."

Kakashi grinned. "Ah, but _that_ is adorable," he said, tapping Iruka's nose which made him back away and stick his bottom lip out huffily.

Iruka folded his arms across his chest defensively. "Little girls are adorable. I'm not a little girl, I'm a man. I'm _masculine._"

Kakashi smirked. "Prove it."

"Fine then, I will," Iruka said, scowling. He unzipped his flak jacket and tossed it over his shoulder, then pulled his long sleeved shirt up and over his head, sending it flying to follow the jacket. "See? Man."

Kakashi didn't reply. He was still getting over the shock of Iruka undressing in front of him and wondered if the younger man would notice if he uncovered his sharingan to record it.

"Kakashi," Iruka said, jabbing him in the arm with a finger, "What do you think now? Still adorable?"

"No. Now you're sexy," Kakashi said, not lifting his eye from Iruka's toned chest. He was itching to touch it, to see what that smooth skin would feel like under his fingers, but he wisely kept his hands to himself, instead staring hard in the hopes that somehow his natural eye would record the sight for him. "Ne, Iruka, do you always go this far on the first date?"

He regretted the joke almost instantly as Iruka seemed to realize his position for the first time and tried to cover as much of himself with his hands as possible, blushing madly. "You did that on purpose," he accused.

"I didn't expect you to strip for me," Kakashi said, smiling. "But I'm not complaining. What are you trying to hide? It's not like you have breasts or anything, and I'm a man too you know. Anything you've got I've got too."

Iruka buried his head in his hands and growled in frustration. "That's the problem! You're a _man._ This is so, so wrong."

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow. _He said he was sure, but really he has no idea what he wants. I just hope it's the same thing I want._ "Weren't you telling Tsunade that there is nothing wrong with gays?"

"Yeah, it's fine for gays. Not for me," Iruka said adamantly.

"So you'd be offended if I called you gay," Kakashi said flatly.

"Yes," Iruka said, then shook his head, his hair flying out in all directions. "No. I don't know!"

Kakashi sighed. "So do you like me, or not?"

"I don't know." Iruka stared at him miserably. "I really like being with you and I think about you all the time whenever you're gone. And I like kissing you. But you have a _penis_."

"I do." Kakashi couldn't help smiling even though he really didn't want to. "Stop thinking about that. It's none of your concern until you want it to be. Think of me as just a person instead of as another man."

"But I kind of like it," Iruka whispered. "And I feel like I shouldn't."

"Kind of like what, my penis?" Kakashi said, surprised. "But you haven't seen it."

"No, the idea of it." Iruka was clutching his shirt again, knuckles white. "The idea of you – you fucking me. I can't picture it properly, but it gets me excited. And I – I'm scared at the same time."

"You like the idea of being with me, and you're just blocking out the mechanics of it because you're scared of how it works?"

Iruka nodded slowly. "I think that's it. And don't tell me to just forget about it. I can't stop thinking about it."

Kakashi grinned. "Then do you just want to do it now and get it over with?"

"No!" Iruka jumped backwards, almost falling onto the floor, grabbing Kakashi's flak jacket to keep his balance. "You can't just say that like it's nothing. And it's not something I'd want to do just to 'get it over with.'"

"I was just kidding," Kakashi said, holding his hands up palms forward in surrender. He debated telling Iruka that the idea of him thinking about sex all the time was an incredible turn on, but figured it would just scare the poor guy further. He was more than thankful for the body control training he'd been given as a teenager that enabled him to control every muscle in his body even under duress. An erection right now might send Iruka running out the door. "Have you had sex before? With a woman, I mean."

Iruka nodded, mildly embarrassed at sharing this with Kakashi. "I've slept with a few women."

"You could top me, if you wanted. It might make you feel a little bit better about it. I can prepare myself and lie face down and you can pretend I'm a woman, apparently it's not that much different," Kakashi offered.

Iruka looked horrified. "No – I – that's horrible."

"It's not a big deal." Kakashi shrugged. "People have done it to me before. It's not so bad."

"Oh, Kakashi." Iruka wrapped his arms around his neck and Kakashi wished he'd had the foresight to remove his flak jacket. What he wouldn't give to have Iruka's bare chest against his own. "You shouldn't have to be a placeholder for somebody else. And why would anyone want to imagine you being a woman when you look good as a man?"

Kakashi gaped at him, and Iruka let go of him to scratch his nose awkwardly. "Well, why did you think I'm uncomfortable with my shirt off? I remembered that your body is so much nicer than mine. I should probably train more, I'm getting a little pudgy." He made a face. "I just never have time for it."

Kakashi hugged him to his chest. "No, you're perfect as you are."

Iruka flushed, and looked down. "Uh," he started and then stopped.

Kakashi prodded him in the shoulder. "Uh, what?"

"Uh, you know how girls are always going on about, uh, dick size?"

Kakashi stared at him.

Iruka twisted his hands together nervously. He might as well say it now. "I was just wondering, does that, uh, matter? To gay guys, I mean. Because, like, you have something to compare it to."

"Are you worried that you're too small?" Kakashi asked. He almost wished Iruka would stop talking about dicks and sex and body image while they were sitting so close together. It was extremely distracting and starting to make him curious. "You wanna show me, so I can tell you?"

Iruka inched backwards again, scratching his nose and looking incredibly uncomfortable. "No! I mean, I just don't know how it works. I don't want you to think I'm really small, or anything. It's just weird, you know?"

Kakashi smiled. "Don't get defensive, or I'll get curious. I was just kidding, by the way. I don't really care what size your penis is. But I want to see it now you're making such a big deal out of it."

Iruka's hands shot down to cover his crotch, as if Kakashi could see through the fabric. Kakashi sighed. "Look, Iruka, if you're so uncomfortable you can get off and put your shirt back on. I'm not going to stop you, and I'm not going to judge you for it."

"No, I'm fine." Iruka brought his hands back up hesitantly, waving them around for a while, unsure of where to put them, before resting them on his knees. "Just a little nervous."

"There's no reason for you to be nervous," Kakashi said, dragging a knuckle softly around Iruka's cheek. "I don't expect anything from you. You don't have to do anything."

"I guess," Iruka said, not really feeling any better about it. "Could you… if you take your shirt off too, then it might not make me so nervous."

Kakashi couldn't see how removing more clothes would make Iruka feel safer but he sure as hell wasn't going to complain about it. He inched the zipper of his jacket down and slipped his arms out of it, letting it fall behind him. Grabbing the hem of his long sleeved shirt he hesitated. "Are you sure about this?"

Iruka nodded. "If I'm shirtless and you're shirtless then we're equals, right? When I have less clothes on than you then it's like, I don't know, you have more power over me." He paused, his cheeks pinkening. "Not that I'm really equal to you, or anything. I don't mean it like that. I know you're like, way stronger than me and smarter and stuff."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, letting go of his shirt. "Are you putting yourself down?"

"Well," Iruka scratched his nose, "I'm just a chūnin, you know. You're like, well, you were in ANBU, right? Oh, wait you're not allowed to tell me that. Never mind."

Kakashi smiled, and finally tugged his shirt up and over his head, twisting his body so Iruka could see the tattoo on his left shoulder. "You would have found out eventually anyway."

Wide-eyed, Iruka reached out and stroked the inked spiral with the tips of his fingers. "That's so cool," he breathed, and then seemed to realize what he was doing, and snatched his fingers back. "Sorry."

Kakashi shrugged and Iruka got caught up in watching the way the movement made the muscles on his chest ripple. "I don't mind if you touch me. Just don't see yourself as beneath me because you're a chūnin. You are stronger than me in other ways."

_I want to see you beneath me, if you know what I mean,_ his mind whispered as soon as he said it, and he shook his head slightly to clear the thought. It didn't really matter, because he had the feeling Iruka hadn't even heard him. The chūnin was staring at his nipples, of all things. It was cold without his shirt on and they'd hardened into little pink nubs, but he still didn't think they were worthy of that kind of scrutiny. _Kink? _his brain supplied happily. _Iruka is kinky._

Then Iruka leaned forward and _licked_ one. Kakashi yelped; the contrast of the cool air and the warmth of Iruka's mouth was shocking. Iruka pulled back and looked almost as surprised as he felt. "I don't know why I did that," he confessed, embarrassed. "I just felt like I had to. I've never really felt like that before."

Kakashi, still trying to get over his shock, said, "Did you like it?" _Gods, I want your mouth on other parts of me._

Iruka smiled shyly and cast his eyes down. "Yeah. You taste kinda sweet."

_Do it again. Put your hot wet little mouth against my skin. Suck on me._ "Have you always been obsessed with nipples?" _Smooth, Kakashi. Way to keep him comfortable._

Kakashi scowled inwardly at the voice in his head. _Shut up. It's not like you're helping me focus, goddammit he's sitting on me and playing with my fucking nipples. _You_ try and be eloquent when faced with that._

"I'm not _obsessed,_" Iruka protested, bringing his hand up to the one he hadn't licked and flicking it with a finger. "Hey, you have a scar on here."

"I used to have it pierced," Kakashi replied. "Back when I was young and drunk and stupid."

Iruka scrunched his face up in concentration, like he was trying to picture it. "I bet it suited you."

Kakashi shrugged. "Maybe, but piercings aren't exactly designed for people who do a lot of fieldwork. It itches against ANBU armour, and stings like hell if you get it caught on something. It ripped out and I didn't bother repiercing it."

"Oh."

Iruka was sitting back loosely, chest bare and smooth, and Kakashi could help himself no longer. He _had_ to feel some of that, and there was no way the chūnin didn't know how tempting he was just sitting there. If Iruka could touch him, then he could touch Iruka, right?

Kakashi stretched out a hand slowly, fingers trembling, and placed it gently on Iruka's shoulder. The chūnin twitched slightly, but didn't say anything. His skin was as warm and alive as Kakashi had imagined. He gently slid his palm down Iruka's chest and around to rest on his hip, just above the waistline of his pants. Iruka's breath hitched, his lips parted, but he didn't say a word, his large brown eyes holding Kakashi's gaze. Ever so slowly Kakashi moved forward, not breaking eye contact, and latched on to a dusky brown nipple.

He would have been thinking, _I'm just giving him a taste of his own medicine, see how he likes being teased,_ but coherent thought had deserted him and he was running purely on instinct. The chūnin's gasp as he flicked the hardened nub with his tongue and then sucked it into his mouth sent heat spiraling down to his groin. Carefully he grazed his teeth over the sensitized wet flesh but stopped when he felt Iruka wiggle uncomfortably on his lap.

"Did that hurt?" he asked, staring into the chūnin's eyes in search of any sign of pain worriedly.

Iruka's cheeks were dusted a light pink and he was pointedly looking everywhere but at Kakashi. "No, I'm fine," he forced out.

"Do you want me to stop?" Kakashi asked, unsure of exactly what was happening.

Iruka looked like he was having a rather intense internal struggle about the answer to that question. Kakashi flicked his gaze away from the chūnin's face, trying to find the source of the problem, and very quickly the puzzle pieces slotted in to place. Iruka was uncomfortable because a certain part of his anatomy had apparently liked Kakashi's administrations and was making its appreciation known. And Iruka's nervous shifting was making it very hard for Kakashi to ignore his own growing problem.

_What do I say that won't make him more embarrassed or run away?_ he pleaded with the voice in his head, which for once chose to remain silent. _Why am I even asking you anyway? You're never of any help._

"It's not a bad thing, to be turned on by that," Kakashi said quietly.

Iruka stared at him, mortified. Now that he thought about it, the idea that he would be able to hide his arousal from the Copy-nin had been a ridiculous notion to begin with.

"Look, if you want I can help you get rid of it. Or you could do it yourself, or wait for it to go away. If you want, I'll leave."

"Don't leave," Iruka choked out, unable to look him in the eye. Usually just the embarrassment in itself would be enough to make his hard-on wilt but gods, Kakashi's legs were still in between his thighs and he didn't even have to try for the feeling of the older man sucking on his chest to come back.

Kakashi smiled. _Please, please let me touch you. I really, desperately want to feel you in my hands, in my mouth._ "Do you want me to make you cum?"

Iruka met his gaze, wide-eyed and gasping. He didn't say anything in return, so Kakashi reached over and brushed the back of his hand gently against the bulge in Iruka's trousers. Iruka leaned into the touch instinctively, so Kakashi pressed harder, stroking him through the material of his pants.

Iruka bit down on his lip to stop himself from making any more embarrassing noises. His mind was in turmoil; Like Kakashi had said, this probably was what counted as a first date. And he _never_ did this on a first date. The problem was, he really really wanted to. Just being this close to Kakashi did something to him, turning his brain into mush and his body into jelly. He didn't have the concentration to even think about the fact that he shouldn't be doing this because Kakashi was male, his hands just felt too sinfully good.

And then Kakashi was lifting him, placing him gently on the couch beside him and kneeling between his knees. The jōnin tugged his pants down, and Iruka couldn't even find it in himself to be embarrassed or worried about how his cock measured up against Kakashi's. All he could think about was his imminent release.

Then Kakashi hands were circling him, warm and strong against his throbbing member, stroking him with swift, sure movements. Iruka closed his eyes and tilted his head back, savouring the feeling, all other thought disappearing. It had been quite a while since anyone had touched him and Kakashi definitely knew what he was doing.

He startled as he felt something wet against his chest, and gasped when Kakashi's mouth found a nipple and pulled on it with his teeth. Kakashi didn't stay there for long, his kisses trailing lower and lower, making Iruka's whole body tingle in nervous anticipation. _He isn't. He is? Oh hell, it shouldn't feel that good._

Kakashi's tongue was lapping at the head of his cock, his hand firmly gripping the base. He flicked his tongue over and around the head, making Iruka moan and unconsciously push upwards into his mouth. Taking the hint Kakashi opened wider, swallowing down and taking as much of Iruka into his mouth as he could. He tended to tease a lot more when he usually gave blow jobs, only using the slightest pressure of his lips and his tongue until the man before him was writhing and begging him for more. He didn't do this with Iruka mainly because he wanted to have Iruka in his mouth for the longest time possible, so he could fully appreciate the taste of his chūnin.

Besides that, Iruka was already responding favourably to him, making sweet little gasps and moans and wiggling to get as close as he could to Kakashi, thrusting into his mouth wildly. Kakashi took it all in his stride, tilting his head slightly to avoid contact with his tonsils and humming quietly. Even just an hour ago he could never had guessed that he'd be doing this tonight, and he took it as a fluky treat rather than as something he'd earned. He wished he could uncover his sharingan but he didn't want to make Iruka uncomfortable, because he had a niggling feeling that once the chūnin came down from his orgasm he'd be even more nervous and awkward than before.

When Iruka came he gripped Kakashi's hair tightly, his whole body quivering and his mouth open in a silent scream. Kakashi didn't look up, instead running his tongue lightly around the head of Iruka's cock to make sure he'd gotten the last of the sweet white seed.

When he did look up he smiled. Iruka was flopped bonelessly against the armrest, eyes closed and chest still heaving. The chūnin was gorgeous with his hair undone, shirt off and his pants around his knees. Kakashi had to fight even harder not to shift up his hitai-ate so he could record the sight. If Iruka caught him he'd have a lot of trouble explaining it, and it might just ruin his chances at anything further than this.

"Oh, I didn't do anything for you." Iruka had half-opened his eyes and was gazing at his crotch. "Do you want me to?" He looked away, blushing.

"No," Kakashi answered, although Kami knew that the truthful answer was _hell yes._ "Don't worry about it, I can handle myself."

"Okay." Iruka blushed and scratched at his nose, suddenly nervous. Hurriedly he pulled his pants back up, avoiding eye contact. "You were, um, really good at that," he said tentatively.

"I'm glad you liked it." Kakashi smiled. "I've had a lot of practice, though, I should be good at it by now."

"Yeah." Iruka drew his knees close and started twisting his fingers together, unsure what to do. His heart was still beating madly and he was extremely confused. On the one hand he really liked Kakashi, and that had been one of the best blowjobs he'd ever received. On the other hand, Kakashi was a man. A man who had somehow gotten him to take off all his clothes on the first date.

Kakashi watched him carefully, and realized with a sinking feeling that his night had just gone downhill, fast. "Do you want me to leave now?"

Iruka stared at him with large shiny eyes from behind the barrier of his knees and nodded, almost imperceptibly. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "It's all a bit much."

"It's okay," Kakashi said, smiling and pretending it didn't hurt. It was to be expected, after all. Perhaps he'd pushed too hard, too fast. He stood up and slipped his shirt back on, pulling his jacket on overtop without bothering to zip it up. He could feel Iruka's eyes on him, and turned to smile at him, his eye curving closed even without his mask on. "Don't feel too bad. I know you need time to think about it."

Iruka smiled shakily, and unfolded from his position on the couch to follow him to the door. "Thank you, Kakashi. I feel horrible letting you go like this, but I feel… I need a little bit of space for now. Hopefully I'll make it up to you later."

"Maa, don't sweat it." Kakashi pulled up his mask and kissed Iruka on the forehead fondly. "Goodnight."

Iruka smiled softly. "Goodnight, Kakashi."

And then Kakashi was gone, and he was alone in his house once more. He sunk down against the door slowly, head in his hands. _What have I gotten myself into?_


	7. Reevaluation

_ I wrote a one-shot about how Izumo and Kotetsu got together in this universe. It's called Dirt and Doritos, so check it out if you're interested._

**o0o**

Kakashi slipped like a shadow across the rooftops of Konoha, heading in the opposite direction to his apartment. He couldn't blame Iruka for kicking him out, and truthfully he'd never expected to get that far in one night. Actually, before today he hadn't expected to get anything out of Iruka at all.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, miscalculating his jump and almost falling off the roof. He couldn't blame Iruka, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt_._ He'd never had a partner – he refused to call them lovers, because there was never any love involved – look at him the way Iruka had tonight. Not lustfully, he'd had damn well enough of that, but with infinite trust and (dare he call it love? No, that was not a good path to tread) something else _happy_ in his eyes. Like he was worth something. It had been a long time since he'd felt valued simply as a person and not as a weapon.

Kakashi slid off the roof, landing in a crouch in a slightly wild, untended garden. He looked around, noting how much the hedges had gotten out of hand since he'd last been here. It had been nearly twenty years, after all. Silently he moved around the building, trampling any plants that had snuck out onto the path, and headed in a direction his feet remembered all too well. He didn't feel up to entering the house just yet.

He crouched down beside a small koi pond, swirling the water gently with a stick. He was surprised to notice the flash of a fish under the water; he'd expected them all to be gone by now. Looking up at the sky, he smiled softly. "Hey Dad."

Kakashi and his father had often trained on the small patch of grass between the house and the pond, training being the only thing a young Sakumo knew how to do to bond with his child. When Kakashi was beaten to the point of collapsing they'd sit side by side watching the patches of orange and white in the water spin as the koi swum lazily. His father had never praised him with words, but the glowing glances he managed to catch had made Kakashi swell with pride as a child. There was nothing he wanted more than to make his father proud of him.

Of course, now the patch of grass was a tangle of brambles and the koi pond was choked up with weeds. "I'm sure you'd be disappointed if you saw how bad I've let this go. But you should know why I was reluctant to come back here," Kakashi said, gazing contemplatively into the water. "Would you be disappointed in me for being like I am? Or would you be disappointed that I kept it a secret for so long? I guess more the second one. You never could stand weakness."

He shook his head. "You'd like Iruka, I think. Maybe not for being with me, but for himself. He stands up for what he believes in." Kakashi gave a self-depreciating laugh, the lonely sound echoing in the still night air. "He stood up for me, when I hadn't even bothered trying to stand up for myself. And he did it without expecting anything in return."

He stirred the water again absentmindedly, provoking the fish. "I hope what I gave him tonight was good enough. He enjoyed it at least, I think, but he didn't know what to think about the fact he did enjoy it afterwards. I just need to give him some space to think things through."

Kakashi stood up and kicked away the brambles from where he was sitting, creating a large cleared space. He lay down on his back with his arms behind his head and stared at the stars.

"I'm not just worried about this because he's a man and so am I," he said quietly. "I think about you and Mother, and how much you cared for her. And how broken you were when she died. I don't ever want Iruka to go through that, although in a sense I think his spirit's stronger than yours. But he loves without boundaries, with abandon, and he would be hurt deeply if we were to get into a relationship and something was to happen to me. Which it will, one day. I'm human too, though no one really seems to believe that."

His eyes tracked a shooting star across the sky, force of habit making him follow the movement. "You'd be impressed by him, I think. Even though he's never made more than chūnin. Despite losing both his parents to the kyuubi he still cares for Naturo, even when no one else did. When Minato died all I wanted to do was kill the brat." He laughed, bitterly this time. "And the only reason I didn't was because orders came first. I would never disobey my Hokage. I even think that you'd be more proud of him as a son than me. I know I would. What was I, a child who followed rules blindly with no emotion who turned into a lazy, porn-reading, _gay_ adult? I don't deserve him."

Kakashi closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "You don't mind if I stay here for tonight, do you? I don't particularly want to go home to my empty apartment to sleep in my cold and lonely bed."

The child in him waited for an answer even though he knew none would be forthcoming, finally giving up when his mind began shutting down. _No one's really there to listen to you,_ the voice in his head said matter-of-factly just as he was on the verge of sleep, _You don't have anyone and so you talk to the dead. It's a sad life, really._

**o0o**

Iruka stood up slowly, and wandered over to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. As he watched the kettle boil he thought about what had happened that evening. _I'm sorry, Kakashi._ Thinking back on it what he'd done made him feel incredibly guilty. He'd been unnecessarily harsh. Had Kakashi been a girl he would never have kicked him out straight after receiving such an amazing blowjob. In fact, if he had been female Iruka wouldn't have hesitated to let him stay the night, with more than a slight possibility of sex.

But therein lay the problem. Kakashi _wasn't_ female. He was male, incredibly powerful, and yet he'd calmly accepted being chucked out on his ass by someone whose cock he'd been sucking moments before. Why? Why on earth had he just accepted it as if he deserved to be thrown out? _He's giving me space, _Iruka realized. _He thinks what I need is time to think, and he's not going to push me because he's a nice guy. I hope he's not too mad._

Without paying attention he made his tea and headed toward the bedroom, pausing mid-step as a horrible thought struck him. _It's not just that. He's probably been treated like this before. If he lets guys fuck him pretending he's a woman then they obviously don't care about him. I bet those same men wouldn't hesitate to throw him out as soon as they'd had their fill of him._

He suddenly felt sick. _Hatake Kakashi should not be treated like that. No one should. He's much too powerful to be played like that, by civilians no less. It's demeaning and wrong._

Iruka entered his bedroom and placed the tea on his windowsill, no longer feeling like drinking it. He sunk onto his bed and lay down on top of the covers, staring blankly at the ceiling. He had made it a point of habit not to lie to himself his entire life, and he wasn't going to start now. He could admit that he was undeniably attracted to the silver haired jōnin, and just seeing him made his whole body tense up with nerves and excitement. The fact that the jōnin seemed to like him back was exhilarating, exciting and terrifying at the same time.

He wasn't worried about what people would think. If he was in a relationship it was his own business, whether the person he was involved with was male or female, short or tall, fat or skinny, and he believed this with all his heart. What people did behind closed doors was their own business, unless it was impacting badly on another person as in cases of child abuse or rape. For the most part, people should have the right to be left alone.

Anko's relationship with Ibiki – now if that got out people would be talking about it as much as they were about Kakashi. Anko had spilled the beans – too many of them, in fact, he didn't need _that_ many details – to him over drinks one night and he hadn't told anyone, not even Kotetsu and Izumo. He considered telling Kakashi but dismissed it as irrelevant. He didn't seem to like Anko very much, and it wasn't hard to guess why.

Iruka sighed, and twirled a lock of hair around his finger. Kakashi was funny, smart, strong, and damn good-looking, not to mention gentle and caring. Porn, mask and lateness aside, he was the perfect man. So what did that make Iruka himself? Either a not-so-perfect man, or a woman. Iruka snorted to himself, annoyed that he was undermining his own values. Kakashi would tell him off for it, that's for sure. Didn't he tell his classes that there was no such thing as perfection, and everyone's special in their own little way?

_Yeah, and your special talent is looking after kids. That's a woman's job,_ a voice in his head sneered, and he stomped it out. Caring for Kakashi didn't make him a woman. Caring for the children didn't make him a woman, either. But maybe he should cut his hair anyway, try looking a little more masculine.

Iruka rolled over, burying his face in his pillow, muffling a groan and running his fingers through his hair. He didn't _want_ to cut his hair. Sure it was annoying around his face when loose, but it was a comfortable weight and familiar. Iruka wasn't a big fan of change, and besides, Kakashi seemed to like it.

Iruka huffed into his pillow. He really was screwed if he was making decisions based on what Kakashi thought. He had been slightly apprehensive about kissing the Copy-nin, and hadn't expected it to spiral downward so fast to the point where his pants were around his knees, his heart in his mouth and his brain exploding. Did he have no shame?

The sad truth was no, he didn't. Kakashi had made him lose his mind to the point where he couldn't think any more, only feel. And what he'd felt he'd wanted more of. Kakashi could have had him begging easily if he'd wanted, and that embarrassed him. He hoped that just because he'd let him go down on him (and oh Kami, what a blow job that had been) Kakashi wouldn't expect him to go further quickly.

His mind was a mess, and he was starting to wonder if it would have been better if he'd just turned a blind eye that day Kakashi had stumbled into the mission room looking half dead. If he had, he wouldn't now be thinking about having a relationship with the man.

Iruka sighed. It didn't matter how much he contemplated, if something like that happened again he'd do exactly the same thing even knowing the consequences. He couldn't help it, it was just who he was.

He tried to push all thought out of him mind but his brain kept returning to Kakashi's lips, imagining them on different parts of his body, and it was starting to turn him on. Although still apprehensive about it he knew the time would come when he would go further physically with the Copy-nin, probably quite soon if his traitorous body had anything to do with it.

"Go to sleep, Umino," he muttered, grinding his knuckles into his forehead. _Stop thinking about him, the amazing things he can do with his tongue, and how goddamn delicious he tastes. You have to teach in the morning._

**o0o**

Iruka was late to class for the very first time in his teaching career. He'd woken up horny and hard – something that hadn't happened to him in a long, long time – and instead of ignoring it like he usually did he decided to rub one out in his morning shower. Which meant that he'd showered for a lot longer than usual and _still_ had images of a shirtless, smiling Kakashi flashing through his mind. It was extremely distracting.

"In your seats!" he yelled, his class not having noticed he'd entered the room and still cavorting about wildly. All of them froze, and shot straight to their seats, backs straight and eyes attentively forward. "Shinobi cannot behave childishly just because the higher ranking member of their team is not looking. That could get them hurt, or compromise the mission," Iruka scolded.

He would be glad when Konohamaru finally became a genin. The kid stirred up the rest of the class without even trying. He'd thought teaching Naruto was bad, but teaching a kid who wanted to be Naruto was worse. It was like two irritating personalities rolled into one sent to make his life absolutely miserable. Still, he did hold a certain fondness for the boy, like with all his students.

A short, spiky haired kid marked with the red tattoos of the Inuzuka stood up and waved his hand in the air.

"Yes, Shikon?" Iruka said tiredly. "I'll answer your question, but that's the only question I'll answer before class starts."

"My mum says that you're a sod-o-mite, and she thinks that you're the bitch. Does that mean you're a woman?"

Iruka fought very hard to stop his fists from clenching. _Damn Inuzuka's talk too loud and don't even think about the innocent ears of children. _He clenched his teeth together and forced his lips up into a smile, counting to ten before speaking. "That's not a nice word to use, Shikon-kun. Your mother should know better than to compare people to dogs, and no I am not a woman."

Another small hand waved in the air.

"Yes, Daichi-kun?"

"What's a sodomite, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka sighed and pressed his palms against his forehead. He did _not_ have the patience to deal with this. It didn't help that he still hadn't quite sorted out his own feelings just yet. "It's a word used to describe a man who is in love with another man," he said carefully. "And it suggests that a relationship between two men is disgusting and unlawful."

Indignant voices rose all around the classroom.

"But it is disgusting!"

"You're not one of those, are you Iruka-sensei?"

"That's so gross."

"Ew, boys are yucky."

"Be quiet!" Iruka bellowed. "If you do not stop talking you will all be writing essays for the next three hours on how to correctly hold a kunai."

A hand was raised timidly near the back.

"And I said I would answer only one question, which was Shikon's. Enough, all of you. You're supposed to be training to be ninja."

The hand was snatched back to the owner's chest immediately. Iruka felt slightly bad. After all, they didn't know what they were asking and their intolerance was their parents doing. He didn't ever set out to intimidate his kids, after all. He dredged up a smile. "Look, from now on we'll only be talking proper shinobi stuff, alright? If you behave well then after lunch maybe we can go out for some weapons training."

There were small smiles around the class but any exclamations of happiness were kept inside, the children still slightly afraid Iruka would yell at them again.

After that it was relatively easy to keep the kids in line and it would have been a good day had Iruka's mind not kept wandering to think about a certain silver-haired jōnin and his talented tongue. It had proved a dangerous distraction as he had taken the class out for weapons practice as promised, and almost gotten himself skewered by stray kunai more than once due to his preoccupation.

When the day ended and his class had been dismissed Iruka dragged himself halfway home before remembering he had a shift on the mission desk. He groaned and changed directions. All he wanted was a hot bath, perhaps with some nice smelling salts and calming music. Didn't he deserve it? With all the trouble lately he ought to be catching a break soon, at least.

Apparently not. It seemed that Kotetsu and Izumo were off doing some other crappy job for Tsunade and Iruka was going to be stuck for the next three hours with the Shinobi from Hell. Said shinobi grinned wickedly at him and flicked his senbon. "Yo, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka dumped his bag on the ground and dropped heavily into the chair beside his current least favourite person in the world. "Hi, Genma-san."

Genma propped his elbows on the desk and leaned forward into Iruka's personal space, clicking his senbon between his teeth loudly in the chūnin's ear. "I know Raidou believes you, but I don't. A sweet little chūnin like you is easy prey for someone like Hatake. I bet he's already seduced you, and I'm going to watch you very closely."

Iruka clenched his fists under the desk. "Kakashi is _not_ trying to seduce me."

Genma shrugged, smiling in a way that made Iruka feel trapped. "First name terms, hmm? You get quite close to him in the time you've been together?"

"No matter what his orientation Kakashi is by far a better person than you'll ever be, Genma-san," Iruka hissed, his patience breaking surprisingly fast. He was sick to death of being judged for something that was nobody's business but his own.

"Bit protective of your boyfriend there, hmm Sensei?" Genma said, grinning.

_Calm down, Umino,_ Iruka growled to himself. _He's just trying to get you riled up and you're falling right into his trap._ He was saved by answering as a piece of paper was slapped down on the desk in front of him, and a cold voice said, "Watch what you insinuate, Genma-_chan, _or you might end up unexpectedly mauled by wild dogs on the next mission you go on."

Genma scowled. "And these 'wild dogs' would have leaf hitai-ate on, wouldn't they Hatake?"

"Of course." Kakashi gave a shut-eye smile that was practically glacial in temperature.

"You could be exiled for threatening another shinobi, Hatake. Be very careful with what _you_ say, because I'd like nothing more than to see you leave this village," Genma said coldly.

Kakashi leaned over the desk, towering over Genma, his eye narrowed. "Why would you want me to leave? I haven't done anything to you, Shiranui. _Yet_. Go ahead and get me exiled. There's nothing to stop me from taking your head once I'm a missing nin."

Genma was starting to lose a little bit of his cool, but he was doing well in hiding it. Because even if Hatake Kakashi was gay he was still _Hatake Kakashi,_ and it was a scary thing to be personally threatened by one of the most powerful ninja in the village.

"Can you both stop?" Iruka said quietly. Both men stopped glaring at each other and shifted their gazes to the tanned chūnin. "Kakashi, you know you shouldn't threaten citizens of Konoha, even if they are loudmouth jerks. And Genma-san, Kakashi's lifestyle choices do not affect you in any way and as such are none of your concern."

"I knew you were a fag," Genma grumbled. "He's turned you gay, hasn't he?"

"_My_ lifestyle choices are none of your concern either," Iruka said, eyes narrowed.

Gemna stared at him, all the heat gone from his gaze and an expression of shock sliding on to his face. "Oh my god. He actually has turned you gay."

Iruka didn't deny it. Genma smirked. "Well there you go, I have a perfectly legitimate reason not to like Hatake-faggot there. Because people who come into close contact with him become like him, apparently. I only hope there's a chance you can be saved from this."

"Saved?" Iruka scoffed angrily. "Why would I need to be _saved?"_ If he were a less devoted shinobi he would have left right then, but his sense of duty was too ingrained to let him.

Genma stood up, hands in fists on the desk, yelling, "Because faggots are disgusting. I bet you never looked at another man's ass before you took that homo into your house."

Iruka stood abruptly to stay on an equal level with him, almost knocking over his chair in the process. "Maybe that's because his ass is better looking than yours," he snarled back.

"Can you explain why you like him?" Genma sneered. "The ugly prick probably used his sharingan to manipulate you into thinking you like him."

Kakashi watched as Iruka froze for a second before answering. "He wouldn't do that to me. Kakashi is a good person." _He considered it. He thought I might do that to him, even if it was only for a second. _It hurt more than he would have liked it to.

"Maybe he just programmed you to think that."

"What in Kami's name is going on here?"

All three of them turned to see Tsunade stalking angrily into the room. "This is a mission room, not a bar. Keep your fights until after work, people want to hand in reports but are too scared to come in the door."

"Tsunade-sama." Genma bowed in respect. "We were just discussing how Kakashi-san misused the sharingan to manipulate Iruka-sensei into a relationship with him."

Tsunade glared at all of them, finally sighing in defeat. "Brat, you cause way too much trouble. You two, come with me. Genma, since I'm assuming you started the fight, you can man the desk on your own for the evening."

"But Tsunade-sama-"

"I am your Hokage and you will do as I say. Understood?" Tsunade emphasized this with flashing eyes.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama."

"Good." She turned on her heel, expecting Iruka and Kakashi to follow without further instruction.

Once safely in her office she turned to Iruka, casting a critical eye up and down his form. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable. "Iruka-sensei, is it true that you're intending to pursue a relationship with the brat?"

Iruka stood his ground, eyes slightly narrowed and focused defiantly on his leader's face. "I am, Hokage-sama. Not that it's anyone's business but my own."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes in return. "Actually, it _is_ my business. I need to know of all the relationships going on in this village for safety purposes, particularly," she pursed her lips and tapped them with a finger, trying to locate the right word, "Unique ones like this one."

Iruka had the distinct feeling she had no idea about Kotetsu and Izumo even though they worked directly beneath her. Hell, she probably didn't even know their names, the callous bitch. He wished, not for the first time, that the Sandaime was still alive.

"Hatake, do you swear you haven't done anything to this man?" she said sharply, turning to Kakashi.

"Maa?" Kakashi cocked his head to one side and blinked his eye. _She can't be asking about our physical relationship, can she?_ One look at Iruka's red face told him that that was exactly what the chūnin was thinking.

Tsunade scowled at him. "What Genma said, about the sharingan. I know it is a great genjutsu tool, and it is a perfectly viable option to believe that you have brainwashed poor Iruka-sensei here. It was less than two weeks ago that he was standing here assuring me he was straight, after all."

Iruka stared at her, horror plainly written across his face. _This man would not be able to handle being tortured,_ Kakashi mused. _He's so easily read._ The fact that his integrity was being questioned hurt more than he'd ever let on. "So you don't believe that he could have just fallen for my dashing good looks and charm?" he said lightly, pairing it with a shut-eye smile.

"Brat, you don't have the social skills to be charming," Tsunade shot at him, before turning to Iruka with a serious expression on her face. "Iruka, we're going to have Ibiki question you and a Hyūga will check to see if Kakashi has done anything to your brain." At Iruka's shocked look she added in a softer tone, "It won't be an interrogation, just a few questions. It can be done in your own home, if you like."

Iruka hung his head. "Yes, Hokage-sama." He felt bad mostly because when Genma had first said it he'd doubted Kakashi, Kakashi who had never done anything to hurt him and had had a lifetime of suffering. Then he'd realized he'd never even seen the sharingan uncovered, and felt even guiltier.

"Until then, I don't want either of you to have contact with each other. I know how you like to break rules, Kakashi, so I'm giving you a mission to make sure you keep away. Do not disobey me on this."

Kakashi took the scroll handed to him, noting that Iruka was looking at him unhappily from under his lashes. It still hurt that the Hokage thought he would manipulate another Konoha shinobi in such a terrible way, but at least Iruka seemed to believe in him. That gave him hope. He smiled at the chūnin and squeezed his shoulder lightly. "I'll be back, ne?" he said quietly.

Iruka nodded almost imperceptivity, and Kakashi leaped out the window, the warmth of his hand remaining for a few seconds on his slumped shoulder.

"Don't worry about this, Iruka-sensei," Tsunade said kindly. "You're not the one who's in question here, and if all goes well things can get back to normal."

"It won't all go back to normal though, will it?" Iruka said softly. "I want a relationship with him. And you don't want that."

Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temples, feeling every bit her age. "Iruka-sensei, I want for all my shinobi to be happy, and that includes you and Kakashi. But you are both men, and on top of that you are a chūnin and he is a jōnin. You could be captured easily to be used against him. It is a dangerous relationship."

Iruka stared at her, his anger second only to his disbelief. "You have no intention of letting us stay together, do you? This 'test' is not important at all, it's just a way to find an excuse of why we shouldn't be together."

Tsunade's eyes were sad as she spoke, voice heavy. "I do not need excuses to keep you two apart. The fact that you are chūnin is enough, and the elders would be on my case about reputation and getting Kakashi to continue the Hatake bloodline. It's a wonder they haven't come to me already. The test is serious; we need to know if the brat actually has messed with your brain."

Iruka shook his head. "You really don't trust him? After all the years he's been loyal to this village?"

"I have to be careful, it is my job," Tsunade said finally, and waved a hand at him. "Dismissed."

When he didn't move, she said it again and he slowly wobbled out, feeling like he'd taken a sledgehammer to the head. _What has happened to this village? There is no Will of Fire if people don't stick together._

Tsunade watched him go with a heavy heart. She was fond of Iruka, and it hurt to know she was the one causing him pain. But it was because of this fondness that she was adamant about testing him for signs of Kakashi's interference. And Kami knew Kakashi himself deserved a little bit of happiness. If only he'd found it in a more feminine form. She sighed and poured herself a teacup of sake. It was times like this that she really hated being Hokage.


	8. Reconsider

_Oh My God! A new chapter!_

_I don't think Rin is given a surname in the anime/manga, so I've given her the same name as her voice actor. If I'm wrong, don't be shy to hit me up about it._

**o0o**

The mission was fairly easy – a simple scroll delivery – but would take a few days just in travel. _Smart of the Old Hag,_ Kakashi thought. _Give me something to remove me from the scene for long enough without it being something I could get killed on._ No matter how she felt about his sexuality, he was a good shinobi, one she wouldn't want to lose.

And so was Iruka. He'd been surprised when Iruka had stood up for him (again) and not denied being in a relationship. It had given him a warm and floaty feeling in his chest at being accepted, even though it was really stupid of the chūnin to put it out there like that. He shouldn't have expected less of Iruka though, not with his history of stating exactly what he thought no matter what the stakes were. He was a hot-blooded little minx, that's what he was.

Despite the fact that admitting it meant Iruka would be targeted, being acknowledged more than made up for being kicked out. It meant that Iruka had made up his mind. And he would do everything in his power to protect Iruka from the stigma of being labeled as Hatake Kakashi's Boyfriend. He shivered at the word. _Boyfriend._ He'd never had one of those before. And he was going to make damn sure he'd get to keep this one.

**o0o**

Iruka's anger level was ever so slowly increasing as he paced around his living room. He clenched his fists and kicked at the book that oh-so-inconveniently had decided to place itself right in front of his foot so he'd trip on it. Served the damn thing right.

He sighed, picked up the book, straightened its pages and placed it back on the shelf carefully. It wasn't the book's fault he was mad, it was all about Tsunade-_sama._ His mind's voice spat the suffix like a curse. It was also Genma, of course, but he shouldn't have expected any less from the silver-tongued senbon-sucking tokubetsu. The Hokage, however, had failed to meet his expectations in an exceptional way.

Kakashi was the most loyal ninja he knew, and he'd thought that even before he'd gotten to know the jōnin better. Iruka had personally handed him many tedious or difficult missions over the past few years and had never heard him complain once. He had heard Genma ask, one time that Kakashi had come in asking for a new mission while sporting bandages around his forehead and his left eye instead of a hitai ate, why he didn't take a break between missions.

Kakashi had shrugged and said, _"It is my duty to protect my village the best way I can,"_ and held out his hand for a mission scroll. Looking back on it now Iruka wondered whether Kakashi had been taking missions back to back simply because he couldn't stand coming home to an empty apartment in a village where people saw him as some kind of novelty hero rather than an actual person.

How could Tsunade question Kakashi's integrity? The man was, well, just plain _nice. _Granted, most people didn't get to see that side of him, but still. It wasn't his fault he'd been treated like a weapon since he was born.

A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts so he indulged himself in his anger by storming over and yanking it open. Ibiki looked mildly surprised, and Iruka drew up a chalkboard in his mind. _Iruka: 1, Homophobes: 0._ He'd never seen Ibiki show any type of emotion before.

Before the interrogations expert could say anything a blur of purple and black brushed past him and latched onto Iruka's shoulders, shaking him until he thought his head was going to fall off. "Oh, Iruka-nii, tell me it's not true! That nasty stinking Copy-nin better watch his damn back because I-" A large scarred hand sealed itself over Anko's mouth and Ibiki lifted her bodily away from Iruka.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei," he said in his rough voice, "But she insisted on coming." He closed his eyes briefly, clenching his jaw, and Iruka took that to mean 'and I don't know how to deny my sweet little Anko anything'. It would have been amusing if he were standing in Iruka's living room for any other reason than Kakashi's suspected treason. "And she is only going to watch and not get in the way, right, Anko?" he said in a slightly threatening way.

Anko smiled sweetly at him and fluttered her eyelashes. "Anything you say, Ki-kun."

Ibiki clenched his teeth again and Iruka figured it was the tokubetsu's version of his own blushes, the older man just being too good at his job to let that much of his embarrassment shine through. "Anyway," Ibiki said through gritted teeth, "I just need to ask you some questions, Iruka-sensei, if you don't mind."

"Of course not." Iruka smiled, but his eyes remained hard. "Feel free to tell me that I'm too stupid to understand when a genjutsu has been placed on me."

"You're not stupid, Iruka-nii," Anko burst out, and Ibiki shushed her with a wave of his hand.

"We have to be cautious with anything to do with the sharingan, you understand," he said. "The Uchiha were terribly close-mouthed when it came to explaining exactly what they can do with it so we're not sure of the possibilities."

Iruka opened his mouth to protest that Kakashi would never do that but Ibiki put up a hand to stop him as well. "I'm not finished. I want you to know that I have worked with Kakashi before and I am well aware of how loyal he is to this village. I do not, however, know anything about his personal life or what lengths he would go to to get the person he desires. Do you understand?"

Iruka felt well and truly chastened, even though he hadn't actually done anything. He shouldn't be directing his anger at Ibiki; the man was just doing his job. "I guess I can understand that."

"Good." Ibiki nodded. "Neji-san, could you look and see if all his chakra pathways are running normally?"

Iruka hadn't even realized the boy was there; he'd been so quiet. "Yes, Ibiki-san," Neji said, and turned his pale eyes to Iruka.

Iruka had never been subjected to the gaze of the byakugan before and it made him feel as if he was being stripped naked. It wasn't a physical feeling, per say, more just his mind baulking at the knowledge that the Hyūga was able to see inside him. It didn't matter that he was only looking at pathways, it still felt invasive.

The veins around Neji's eyes gradually melted back into his skin and he turned back to Ibiki. "There are no disruptions of chakra. It all seems normal."

"Thank you, Neji-san. You may go now," Ibiki said, still looking at Iruka. Neji nodded stiffly and gave Iruka a small, apologetic smile as he left. "You might want to sit down," Ibiki added to Iruka. "I'm only going to ask you a few questions but it would be better if you're comfortable."

Iruka sat down obediently. Anko immediately jumped to his side, pressing against him and taking his hand in hers. He didn't know quite how to take it. "It's alright," she said soothingly, patting his hand, "Ki-kun is really nice and he'll be able to figure out how to fix whatever it is that Hatake-bastard has done to you."

Iruka pushed her away, fuming. "Can't you understand that he _hasn't_ done anything to me? Is it really so hard to believe that I might just _like_ him?"

"But 'Ruka-nii, he's lazy and perverted and submits messy reports. There's nothing about him that you'd like," Anko protested.

Iruka tugged at the end of his ponytail agitatedly. "How can you not understand that the laziness is an act? The man barely takes time off between missions, for Kami's sake. He's spent his whole life fighting for Konoha without breaks in between and everyone thinks he's lazy simply because he slouches and shows up to functions late. I don't understand it."

"He reads porn -"

"Of course he reads porn! He assumed it would never be possible for him to have any semblance of a normal relationship in this village, and by the way you're reacting he was damn right about that," Iruka growled.

"- In public," Anko finished.

"Would you try to approach someone who was reading adult material?" Iruka asked pointedly. "Well, you might, but most people won't. He just doesn't want to talk to people."

"What about his mission reports then, huh?" Akno said with a shark-like grin.

Iruka's anger froze, and he looked down at his hands. "He has reasons," he said quietly.

Anko's grin got bigger. "You don't have an answer for that one, do you?"

Iruka looked up and glared at her, his voice cold as ice. "I have an answer but I will not tell you because it is not my secret to tell and it is none of your business."

"He must have brainwashed you," Anko cried, "Because you're supposed to be my brother and tell me everything."

"Anko," Iruka said slowly, "Wouldyou like it if I told people that you're dating Ibiki-san, or that you're partially colourblind?"

"But that's different," Anko grumped. "You're only telling me, not everyone."

Iruka sighed almost fondly. "Anko-chan, telling you is the same as telling everyone. I love you but you really don't know how to keep a secret."

"Are you really colourblind?" Ibiki asked. Iruka wondered why he had been letting Anko question him about irrelevant things and then realized that maybe they weren't so irrelevant at all. He must have been watching and cataloguing little details about how he was reacting to things the whole time. It made him feel almost like a specimen in a zoo, ogled at and unable to hide anything.

"I may have a little difficulty distinguishing between red and green," Anko admitted, but hurried to add, "It's not a problem though, because only an idiot ninja would wear red." She paused. "Well, I had to work with the Kyūbi kid once, and that was kind of difficult."

Iruka made a low threatening noise in the back of his throat and Anko threw up her hands in defense. "I mean Naruto, Naruto! I wasn't trying to offend you or anything."

Iruka pulled at his hair again and rubbed his temples. "Can you just ask me the questions you need to ask and then leave, please? I want to get this over with."

"Fair enough." Ibiki shot a look at Anko, warning her to be quiet. She stuck her tongue out at him. "Have you had any unexplained headaches or anything similar in the past few days?"

"No," Iruka answered, "I feel fine, except for the fact that everyone suddenly thinks it's okay to shove their nose in my business."

Ibiki ignored the comment and moved on. "Have you had trouble sleeping at all?"

"Yes," Iruka admitted, and beside him Anko drew in her breath, though thankfully not saying anything. "Why wouldn't I? It's not exactly every day that you wake up to discover you're attracted to someone of the same gender. It's new to me and I found it kind of hard to accept in the beginning."

"You found it hard to accept but you did it anyway?" Ibiki asked.

Iruka sighed. "Don't take that like I felt _compelled_ to accept it or anything. I had trouble accepting the fact that I cared about Naruto to start with as well. I was torn up over the fact that he housed the beast that killed my parents but eventually I realized that although the Kyūbi is undeniably a part of Naruto he is more than that, and it's the rest of him I cared about. In the same way, Kakashi is more than just his gender."

"What is it that you like about him, then?"

"He's… it's hard to explain. I honestly don't know how. Anko, what is it you like about Ibiki-san?"

Anko chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Scars are sexy, and he has lots of fun ropes and handcuffs and things. But it's not really that, there's something else deeper to it, I don't really know how to put words to it. It's just that he's _Ibiki_, you know?"

Ibiki looked torn between being mad at what Anko had said and being deliriously happy.

"See?" Iruka said. "Kakashi is attractive, sweet, considerate and witty, but though I like all of that it's something deeper that makes me want him."

"You don't think there's a chance that Kakashi managed to create that want in you somehow?" Ibiki asked.

Iruka shook his head, exasperated. "You're basing this all around the sharingan, aren't you? Does it help if I tell you I've never seen it before?"

"You've never seen it?"

"No. Having it uncovered gives _him_ headaches. And from what Naruto has told me about Sasuke you have to look into his eyes for him to cast a genjutsu or whatever on you. Kakashi always keeps his sharingan hidden."

"Have you seen his face, though?" Anko asked eagerly.

"Yes," Iruka said. "But he hasn't shown me his eye and I'm not going to ask him to."

"What does he look like?" Anko asked, almost bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Anko," Iruka said severely, "You are the last person I'd tell any of Kakashi's secrets. It's your fault he's so upset in the first place."

"He didn't look upset to me," Anko protested.

"Do you think that _anyone_ could handle the village they've served loyally all their life turning against them for something they can't change about themselves without being hurt in some way? Think before you speak," Iruka said irritably.

"I guess if you haven't seen the sharingan then we can probably assume you're telling the truth," Ibiki said. "Although he could just be making you think you haven't seen it. Maybe we should get Inoichi to have a little look inside your head."

Iruka sighed. "Is that really necessary? Kakashi isn't hurting anyone, you know. And I want to be with him."

"I guess not," Ibiki admitted. "Iruka-sensei, you do realize that starting a relationship with Kakashi will make things difficult for you, don't you? You might lose your job."

Iruka scowled. "Being friends with Naruto wasn't exactly easy because of other people's opinions of him. I never gave him up so why should I give up Kakashi? Most of the people who have issues with this are shinobi; shouldn't they know better than most that life is precious, and you need to be true to yourself and your friends because there's a good chance that they just might not be there tomorrow? You're wasting your life if you're going to spend it being hung up on other people's personal choices."

"To be honest I'm more surprised about the fact that Kakashi wants a relationship at all than the fact that he's interested in men," Ibiki said. "That kid has always been alone."

"And it didn't occur to you that maybe he's sick of being alone? He's probably been hating it for a long time, he just never had anyone to confide in," Iruka said coldly.

Ibiki shrugged. "Kakashi has always been good at hiding how he feels. I always thought he was just afraid to get close to people because everyone he has cared about in the past is dead."

"Isn't that all the more reason to encourage him into a relationship? He deserves a little bit of happiness, doesn't he?"

"The emotions required to create and sustain a romantic relationship would reduce greatly his effectiveness as a shinobi," Ibiki said flatly.

Iruka barely managed to restrain himself from jumping on the arrogant son-of-a-bitch and punching his lights out, despite the fact he knew he would never be able to overpower the tokubetsu jōnin. As it was he couldn't stop his muscles from violently quivering in anger.

If he thought rationally he would realize that everything Ibiki said was carefully calculated to provoke a reaction the T&I specialist could analyse, but Iruka was way past rational thought. "I don't understand," he said, voice low and deadly, "What makes Kakashi so _special_ that he's not allowed to be human? Every other ninja is allowed to fall in love, to have a family. Out of all people he deserves to have someone care about him but the lovely citizens of Konoha refuse to let it happen. Kakashi is not a weapon, he is a human being. And if you can't see that then I want you out of my house, now."

"Iruka-nii -"

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "You too, Anko. _Out."_

**o0o**

"He seems to genuinely care for him. He's as loyal to Kakashi now as he is to Naruto, and you know how close those two are."

Tsunade sighed and stared down at the papers spread across her desk. "Thank you, Ibiki. I figured it might come to this."

"It's not my place to ask, but what exactly are you going to do from here?" Ibiki asked. "You know that allowing them to be together will cause a lot of trouble, but it could actually be best if you just leave them alone in the long run."

Tsunade raised a fine blonde eyebrow. "It's not like you to care about those you're investigating, Ibiki."

"It's nothing like that," Ibiki said calmly, "I just want you to know that even if Iruka is only vaguely interested in pursuing a relationship with Kakashi at this point forbidding him to do so will increase his desire tenfold. He'll see it as a challenge."

Tsunade smirked. "So it has nothing to do with your own relationship with a certain purple-haired kunoichi who only wants her Iruka-niisan to be happy?"

Ibiki ground his teeth together. "Anko does not approve of Kakashi either. I am simply offering my opinion from what I have seen. If that is all, I will take my leave now." He bowed stiffly and left the room without waiting for a reply.

Tsunade frowned at his retreating back. _Only Iruka-sensei has the power to make Ibiki grow a conscience. _She tapped a finger to her lips and smiled as just the people she needed wandered past the open doorway. "Izumi! Koushuu!"

Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged an exasperated glance but obediently trudged into the room to see what she wanted.

"I expect that Kakashi-san will be arriving back from his mission sometime in the next twenty-four hours," she said earnestly. "I want at least one of you manning the missions desk for that period of time, and when he gets in you'll tell him he needs to come and see me. Understand?"

Both Kotetsu and Izumo nodded, slightly apprehensive.

"Good. Once you've done that I want you to run and get Iruka-sensei and tell him to come see me as well, got it?"

"Understood, Hokage-sama," Izumo said, biting his tongue to keep himself from saying something out of line. Kotetsu, however, had no such qualms.

"Tsunade-sama, is there something going on between Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-san?"

Tsunade smiled grimly. "Not after tomorrow there won't be."

**o0o**

Iruka was surprised to be called back to the Hokage's office so quickly, and slightly wary. Kotetsu, the one charged with the uncomfortable job of telling him he was needed, looked extremely uneasy. Of course, his expression got even more frightened and unhappy when Iruka happily informed him that he needed to take over his class while he was seeing what the Hokage wanted. The big smile that accompanied the _If I come back and find any of my students harmed in any way I will personally murder you, 'Tetsu _only served to make the detestable task that much more terrifying.

He couldn't stop the smile that broke out across his face upon seeing Kakashi alive and seemingly uninjured and the frown on the Hokage's face told him his blatant idiocy hadn't gone unnoticed by her, though he wasn't too sure about Kakashi himself. Kakashi was watching their leader with blank eyes, his body in a practiced slouch, and when Iruka realized he was staring he directed his eyes there as well.

When she was sure she had both of their attentions Tsunade started reading from the sheet in front of her in a flat, emotionless voice. "At the age of thirteen Hatake Kakashi was promoted to jōnin after completing a specially formulated test involving prolonged resistance of capture from a three-man ANBU squad. He not only avoided being captured but also managed to seriously wound one of the seasoned ANBU chasing him.

"Shortly after his promotion Hatake was sent on a mission to destroy the Kannabi Bridge, along with teammates Uchiha Obito, Terada Rin and team leader Namikazi Minato. Hatake was placed in charge of his teammates when Namikazi was called away and failed to protect them, losing his left eye and causing the death of teammate Uchiha Obito. At this point Terada Rin transplanted the Uchiha's newly acquired sharingan eye into Hatake, to replace the one he had lost."

Iruka glanced at Kakashi. The jōnin was still slouched, appearing nonchalant, but his face was a little paler than usual and the lumps on his thighs indicated that his hands were clenched in his pockets. "Tsunade-sama, why are you telling me this?"

"At fifteen," Tsunade continued, ignoring him, "Hatake was accepted into ANBU. This was during the time of the Kyūbi attack, shortly after the end of the Third Shinobi World War, and many ninja were being promoted earlier than they otherwise would have been. It is noted, however, that Hatake was a true prodigy and deserving of his status. Within two years he became a widely feared ANBU Captain known as Inu."

Iruka had been fourteen at the time, and wrapped up in his status as a genin trying desperately to become good enough to pass the chūnin exams. But even he hadn't missed the whispers that circulated about the new ANBU in the dog mask who was fast, silent and deadly, who could and would kill anyone asked of him. He couldn't claim to know Kakashi very well, and he knew even less of the fabled Inu, but it didn't completely surprise him that they were one and the same. What did surprise him was that Tsunade was telling him this. It was puzzling, to say the least, and he could not fathom why.

"He was not just feared by civilians and lower level shinobi, but also by the other ANBU. He was a master assassin, specializing in taking lives. He had no qualms about killing anyone, be it man, woman or child, be they shinobi or civilian. He took all the missions no one else would take and completed them emotionlessly."

"Tsunade-sama," Iruka said sharply, again, "_Why_ are you telling me this?"

Tsunade stared at him, her eyes giving nothing away. "I thought there were things you might want to know about Kakashi that he wouldn't tell you himself."

"It is illegal for him to tell me his ANBU codename," Iruka pointed out. "Of course he wouldn't tell me."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed slightly. "It is better to know some things before you get into a relationship."

Iruka scowled, beginning to understand. "You told me all of this just to point out how much stronger he is than me?"

"No," Kakashi said quietly, and Iruka jerked around to look at him, not having expected him to speak. "She told you all of this so you can see how much of a monster I am. Right, Tsunade-sama?"

He stared at her, his carefully blank one-eyed gaze boring into her very soul, it seemed, and she shivered, unable to help herself. In this moment she could easily see him as the unemotional killer she'd painted him as and she couldn't bring herself to deny what he'd said. He was right, of course, as he usually was.

She hated doing it but she'd hoped that Iruka might give up on Kakashi if he was informed of the jōnin's record, particularly the fact that Kakashi had murdered children, some still in their infancy. Obviously she'd misjudged him again. Iruka looked like he was just short of self-combusting. "He is not a monster. He is not just a weapon, and he is not just a shinobi."

Tsunade had never heard the well-loved teacher use _that_ voice before, and she never wanted to again. The frostiness as Iruka bit off every word cut right through to the bone and made her feel cold all over. Kakashi, who'd been about to walk out, was staring at his would-be lover with wide eyes.

"Sandaime-sama looked after me like a son after my parents died and I loved him like a father, but if you're tossing blame around this is squarely on his shoulders." Iruka's own shoulders were shaking. "Blame him, because he's the one who was sending a fifteen-year-old out to kill in the first place."

Tsunade could only watch, open-mouthed, as the chūnin slipped his hand into Kakashi's, pulling the unresisting jōnin out the door. She stayed that way for a very long time before a grim smile tugged the corners of her lips upwards. _If anyone can extricate the prejudices from this village,_ she thought, _It's that man. And there's nothing I can do to stop him from trying._


	9. Rebound

_He's not a monster. _Kakashi's eye trained itself on the area where his hand disappeared underneath Iruka's. He let his feet stumble after the irate chūnin without thinking about where he was being taken. _He's not a monster._ Iruka had said it, yes, but did he really believe it? It had sounded like he did, but if Kakashi himself believed he was a monster how could anyone else believe otherwise?

Iruka was mumbling to himself as he walked – well, stomped – his way out of the Hokage Tower and down the street. "Stupid, stupid woman. Can't leave anything alone."

People were staring. They were used to seeing Iruka angry and dragging children back to their parents, but this was the Copy-nin, debatably the strongest jōnin in Konoha! And perhaps strangest of all, the silver-haired genius was just _letting_ it happen! _He must have gotten sick of those shoddy reports Hatake-san always hands in,_ one shinobi spectator said knowingly, only to be shushed by another. _No, no, didn't you hear? The rumour's been going around for days that Hatake-san bats for the other team. He probably tried to hit on the good Sensei._

_I heard it, I just didn't think it would be true. That's disgusting._

Iruka didn't hear anyone else over the sound of his own thoughts, which was probably a good thing. Konoha didn't look too kindly on shinobi who murdered their comrades, no matter how justifiable the reason.

"Flaming Hokages, think they can do whatever they want." Iruka attempted to open his front door by kicking it viciously, and swore colourfully when it didn't work. "Needs to get her head examined." He twisted his key a little too forcefully in the lock and waited impatiently for his wards to recognize his chakra before dragging Kakashi inside and slamming the door behind him.

"Iruka," Kakashi said hesitantly, but the wild-eyed chūnin either ignored him or didn't hear him.

"I'll show her," he muttered, yanking down Kakashi's mask and replacing it with his lips, kissing him angrily and stopping just short of biting. Kakashi merely let him, up until the point he felt desperate fingers on his abdomen, tugging on the waistband of his pants.

Swiftly he brought his hands up in front of his chest and pushed Iruka away, holding him at arms length. The brunet's eyes flashed, and he let out a low growl. Kakashi ignored it. "Iruka-sensei, I will not let you have sex with me just to get back at the Hokage."

"She said dirty things to make me hate you," Iruka snarled. "She needs to be shown that doing that only makes me want you more."

Kakashi swallowed heavily. Despite the reasons behind it, this Iruka would probably be quite entertaining in bed. Hell, this Iruka probably wouldn't even get _to_ the bed. The man was gorgeous with his hair breaking out of its usual tight tail in wispy, curling tendrils, his eyes flashing angrily and so alive, and a deep, furious flush marking his tanned cheeks and highlighting his distinctive scar. "Everything she said was true, you know," he forced himself to say, his throat tightening around the words. _If I touch him now he'll regret it when he comes back to himself. He wouldn't want his first time to be in anger._

"And so was everything _I_ said," Iruka spat, slamming his fist into the wall beside Kakashi's head before visibly deflating, pressing his face into the curve of the jōnin's neck, his hand sliding down the wall to clutch at the shoulder of Kakashi's flak jacket. "You're _not_ a monster. Why can't anyone understand that you're just a normal person?"

Kakashi stretched his arms around the chūnin and started tentatively rubbing soothing circles on his lower back. Iruka shuddered against him and let out a shaky laugh, seeming to collect himself. "Well, you're not _just_ a normal person, you're a prodigy. But it still doesn't mean that people should treat you like a weapon."

He pulled out of the jōnin's loose embrace and scratched at his scar, his eyes on the floor at his feet. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I just," he clenched his fists before unfurling his fingers again, hands hanging slack at his sides, "I don't understand how you can handle people seeing you that way."

"Maa, I probably bring most of it on myself." Kakashi ran his finger across the soft material of the mask pooled around his neck. "The mask, the porn, the slouch and the laziness – it makes for an icon, not a relatable person. I do it on purpose, or at least I did to start with."

Iruka gazed at him, his puzzlement obvious in his clear brown eyes, the furrow of his brow, the slight downturn of his lips. "Why would you -" He paused, analyzing everything he'd heard during the meeting, letting his brain catch up with his mouth. "You believed you were a monster and you wanted to keep other people away," he theorized slowly, getting his answer in the way Kakashi swept his eye to the roof and kept it there, refusing to look him in the eye. "Kakashi, do you still think you're a monster?"

Kakashi made a non-committal noise in his throat.

"Kakashi…" Iruka refused to let any pity he might have for the man slip into his voice, knowing Kakashi would flinch from it.

Kakashi held out his hands in front of him, staring at his trembling palms. "I try to forget, you know," he said softly. "To pretend that I was never like that, that I'm not still a disgusting person. But they can't. They can never forget what I've done, the families, friends, lovers of the people I murdered. These hands…"

Iruka closed his own hands around Kakashi's shaking ones. "Sandaime -"

"No," Kakashi said violently, "I know how close you were to him. Don't taint your memory of him because of me, please."

"But he should have know better than to -" Iruka started, but Kakashi cut him off.

"He was the leader of a Hidden Village during a time of war and incredible suffering, and he had to make use of every possible shinobi he could. I wasn't the only one who lost innocence far too young." Kakashi took a deep breath, letting it out slowly in a failing attempt to calm himself down. "And after the Kyūbi attack I wanted the missions. I _asked_ for them."

"That doesn't mean he should have given them to you."

"You were there, Iruka." Kakashi ran his finger through his hair agitatedly. "Konoha was struggling from the loss of the Yondaime, Sandaime-sama was forced back into power and the entire village was being rebuilt. You know that. He gave me missions and I completed them; he didn't have the time to notice every child who was drowning. If what I did makes me a monster then so be it, but you can't place all the blame on the old man. He was doing the best he could for the village."

"I -" Iruka stopped. "Can we have this conversation somewhere more comfortable?"

Kakashi didn't reply, instead untangling his hands from Iruka's and stepping out of the entranceway to perch at one end of Iruka's couch. Iruka sat at the other end, folding his legs up underneath him and leaning against the armrest. "I'm curious," he said, "As to why you're so eager to absolve him from blame. I doubt it's just because of me."

"I _am_ a monster, Iruka," Kakashi said, eye dark and heavy. "Tsunade-sama was probably right to tell you that. When Minato-sensei died I didn't have any more 'precious people'. I didn't have anything to live for so I lived for my job. I was a weapon, and I was a weapon by choice. It got to the point where I lost myself and I was simply taking lives without feeling anything… the Sandaime made me quit ANBU and take on a genin team then."

"Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi shook his head. "No, I was assigned teams for six years before those brats. I failed them all, not necessarily because they weren't ready, but because I wasn't."

Iruka tried to sort it all out in his head. "So you don't blame the Sandaime for getting you into assassinations because he also got you out of it?"

Kakashi nodded. "I'm sorry I never told you any of that before I made you get involved with me."

"Baka!" A sharp pain tingled up his jaw and it took a few seconds for him to realize that Iruka had hit him. The stubborn chūnin was kneeling beside him on the couch, eyes flashing dangerously. "It's not important. I don't mean to belittle everything that happened in your life, but I'm not worried about who you were before I met you, I care about who you are _now._ And don't you dare tell me that you made me get involved with you. I did it because I wanted to."

"Iruka…"

"You are no more of a monster than Naruto is!" Iruka felt tears prick at his eyes and brushed them away angrily. "When I had to hand him over to a jōnin sensei I was scared that they would fail him just because of the Kyūbi, and then when I found out you'd never passed a team I was even more worried. But you didn't fail him and you treated him just like your other students, like a normal person. You cannot call yourself a monster when you were one of the few who saw the good in him and gave him a chance."

Kakashi laughed, a short, sharp, humourless bark. "I promised his father I would look after him, that's all. And after a while the brat kind of grows on you."

Iruka blinked. "You knew his father?" Kakashi nodded. "And you haven't told him who he is?"

"He'd be even more insufferable with his Hokage claims if he found out his father was the Yondaime. Besides, it would probably be painful for him to realise that his own father was the one to seal the beast inside him," Kakashi explained. "It would feel like a betrayal because he doesn't know Minato and wouldn't understand the reasoning behind it."

"Naruto," Iruka said softly, and then bit his tongue, even though there were a lot of things he wanted to ask. "I don't want to talk about Naruto, I want to talk about you."

"What is there to talk about?" Kakashi shrugged. "Tsunade-sama already told you everything."

Iruka shook his head but didn't protest, almost shyly reaching out to stroke the material of Kakashi's slanted hitai ate with his fingertips. "Tell me about the eye."

"She already told you," Kakashi snapped, his voice coming out sharper than intended. To Iruka's credit, he didn't flinch.

"I want to hear it from you," he said simply.

"I was still mad at my father," Kakashi said softly, relenting, breathing in deeply. "For leaving me, and for not following the rules. So I put the mission ahead of my teammates safety when Rin got captured, and was going to leave her. Obito refused to keep going without her, and something he said made me follow him. I'd just become the youngest jōnin ever and I was cocky. Because I believed I was invincible I lost my eye."

Kakashi pressed the palm of his hand against the part of his hitai ate covering his left eye. "We got trapped in a cave and the enemy nin collapsed the roof on us. Obito – Obito pushed me out of the way. He got crushed, he _died_ for me, and yet he still found it in him to offer me his eye because he hadn't got me a present for becoming jōnin. He didn't even like me, and I know if I was in his place I wouldn't have given him anything."

"Obito-san." Iruka smiled warmly, his eyes liquid chocolate as he gazed at Kakashi. "I guess I have him to thank for you still being here then, huh?"

Kakashi gave him a half-hearted smile in return. "I doubt he's ever been called Obito-san before. He was a bit of a black sheep to the Uchiha. I wasn't the only one who had no respect for him. He was a lot like you, actually."

Iruka raised an eyebrow skeptically, but he was grinning. "You have no respect for me?"

"Quite the contrary, Iruka-sensei. I was impressed when you stood up to me at the kids' chūnin exam, and when you stood up for me when I came in from that last mission I think I fell in love." Kakashi's visible eye widened and he fought valiantly to not cover his mouth in a useless attempt to keep the words in after they'd already escaped.

Iruka just smiled at him sweetly and he couldn't help leaning forward to make that mouth his. The younger man yielded easily, opening to him completely and practically climbing into his lap. When he pulled back Iruka gave him a bright smile and said, slightly breathless, "Monsters don't kiss like that."

Taking advantage of the chūnin's accepting mood Kakashi slipped his fingers under the tie holding his hair up and snapped it, sinking his trembling fingers into the soft brown strands while he was sure he could get away with it. "Not that I'm complaining," he said slowly, "But are you still doing this just to prove a point?"

"No." Iruka tugged on the zipper of Kakashi's flak jacket, pushing it off his shoulders and onto the floor. "Not _just_ to prove a point."

Kakashi returned the favour, stealing the opportunity to run his fingertips across Iruka's chest. "No?"

"No," Iruka repeated. "I want this for myself, and I want this for you. But I'm not going to deny the fact that being told I'm not allowed you makes me want you more."

"If Tsunade-sama gave you an ultimatum, me or the village, which would you choose?"

Iruka backed away slightly, his eyes wide. Kakashi laughed. "Don't give me that look, I'm just curious. I won't get upset if you don't pick me. You do know that it might come down to that though, right?"

"If I pick you it's treason," Iruka said softly. "I'd be killed. So would you. Is it not a bit too cliché to die for love?"

He didn't ask Kakashi for his answer, because he could feel it in the way the older man looked at him and he didn't want to hear it voiced. If Kakashi's feelings for him had managed to surpass his loyalty to the village – which was entirely possible, seeing the way the village was treating him – then he was committing a crime just by feeling that way.

"Kakashi, do you want to stay the night?" He didn't want to think about it, anything was better than thinking about it.

"People will notice." Kakashi's mouth was right beside his ear, warm and wet and purring. "But that's what you want, isn't it? You're being purposefully disobedient and using me as a big 'fuck you' to Tsunade-sama."

Iruka shivered involuntarily. "I'm not using you, I think you've been used too many times already. Yes, people will notice. It's not that I _want_ them to notice, I just don't care if they do or not. I'm asking you because I want you to be with me tonight."

"I get to sleep in your bed?" Kakashi sounded so hopeful it was almost pathetic. Iruka nodded. "And you'll be in it as well?" He nodded again. "And you won't kick me out?"

Iruka felt guilt twist in his gut. He didn't want to be reminded about how badly he'd reacted the last time the Copy-nin had come on to him, but Kakashi had every right to be wary. "No, I won't kick you out," he said quietly.

Kakashi studied his face carefully, and seemed pleased with what he saw. "Can we go to bed now?"

"Now?" Iruka could still feel the adrenalin – or maybe it was just nerves – racing through him from his argument with Tsunade. He couldn't believe he'd stood up to her and was at the same time both proud and annoyed at himself for doing it. He hadn't thought at all, he'd just opened his big mouth and words had come spewing out. He needed a way to expend his energy, and Kakashi was offering. "Yeah sure, why not?" he said recklessly.

He had to laugh at the expression Kakashi toted at that. The poor man was wearing a charming mix of open hope and disbelief on his face. Apparently he hadn't expected a 'yes'.

"Are you waiting for something?" Iruka teased, standing up and holding out his hand.

"No." Kakashi took the hand offered to him and allowed himself to be pulled up, a dazed look in his eyes as he followed the chūnin into the bedroom.

"Er." Iruka let go of the jōnin's hand and scratched his scar. "What now?"

"You want me to lead?" Kakashi asked. He was almost disappointed. Assertive, forward Iruka was damn hot, but apparently that persona didn't cross over into bedroom territory. He grinned mentally. _At least not yet._

"You pleasured me last time without me doing anything for you. I want to know what you want me to do to make you feel good," Iruka said awkwardly, locking his gaze onto the floor.

Kakashi jerked his chin up so he had no choice but to stare into the older man's eyes. "I'm going to touch you and if you don't like it then you're going to tell me to stop. What happened before is in the past. Don't guilt trip yourself about it."

Iruka lowered his gaze. "May I touch you too, though?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Whatever you're comfortable with."

Iruka replied by slipping his hands under the hem of Kakashi's shirt and lifting it off and over his head. When the jōnin showed no signs of moving he stepped forward and kissed his neck, just below the right side of his jaw. Kakashi shivered slightly so Iruka continued sliding his lips down to the pale man's clavicle, nipping the bone gently with his teeth.

He ran his fingers over the scar-ridged chest in front of him carefully, mapping out muscle and scar by touch. He was a little surprised to come to the realization that he honestly wasn't bothered by Kakashi's lack of breasts, and that the powerful, flat torso held as much interest to him as its female counterpart. There was something heady and thrilling about being able to touch someone so strong in such a way without retribution. Kakashi's sleek hardness was nothing like the soft curves of a woman, but that in itself excited something within him.

Kakashi was laughing in his ear, something he would have found offensive if the low sound hadn't turned him on so much. "You really are obsessed, aren't you?" the older man purred, and Iruka looked down to realize his hands had found their own way to stroking the jōnin's nipples.

He pinched one, hard, and Kakashi yelped. "What was that for?"

"Don't tease me."

"Mm." Kakashi threaded his hands through the chūnin's hair and used it to pull him into a wet kiss. "Do it again."

Iruka tweaked the other obligingly and Kakashi shuddered into his hands. He considered asking the jōnin whether they should take it to the bed but decided against it, figuring he'd just get laughed at for acting like a nervous virgin. Instead he herded the older man backwards slowly, pushing with his tongue and his lips and his chest until Kakashi fell backwards onto his bed. The total look of surprise that graced his face was well worth any uneasiness Iruka had felt guiding him.

"I'm impressed." Kakashi smiled, grabbing Iruka's shirt and pulling the younger man down on top of him. "You know how to use your body well."

Iruka laughed, his breath coming short as he realized he could feel every inch of Kakashi pressed up against him. Kakashi was almost unbearably hot, and hard_ everywhere_. There was no mistaking what the length of flesh rubbing against his inner thigh was, and he was unsure how he felt about that. All he knew was that the sensation was sending shivers all along his spine and making him just as hot as Kakashi.

"Changed your mind?" Kakashi asked softly, smiling. "It's okay if you don't want to."

He couldn't back out now, even if Kakashi's offer was genuine. He had to do it, had to prove to himself and to Kakashi that this was what he wanted. Iruka threaded his fingers through that irresistible silver hair – it was softer than he'd expected – and sucked the jōnin's bottom lip into his mouth.

Kakashi responded immediately, sliding his hands over Iruka's back and pushing his shirt up to bunch up under his arms, swiping his tongue gently across the chūnin's top lip. Iruka gasped at the skin-on-skin contact, heat searing everywhere they touched. He could feel Kakashi's heartbeat thundering against his chest, rivaling the furious pace of his own.

"Off?" Kakashi whispered breathlessly, tugging at his shirt. Iruka obediently stretched his arms above his head to allow the jōnin to slip the offending material off his shoulders. He was hyperaware of every small movement the older man made, each touch sending excited tingles racing to his brain, and all thought froze when the jōnin pushed his lower body off the mattress, the curve of his hip creating tantalizing friction against Iruka's aching cock. He mewled in surprise and automatically pushed back, his desperate thrust meeting with something that was definitely not a hipbone.

Kakashi hands slid like water down his back and underneath the waistband of his pants, palms hot and heavy against the soft roundness of his ass, holding him in place as the jōnin rubbed their groins together. His senses heightened as they were it was altogether too much, but at the same time not enough. He had no way of putting into words what he wanted and it was all he could do to narrow down the feeling to a profound desire to be closer to Kakashi, to have all of him and give all of himself in return.

"You're shivering," Kakashi said quietly, sweeping his hands back up between Iruka's shoulder blades. "Want to stop?"

Iruka growled and bit down on his ear, smirking as the jōnin squeaked in surprise. "Stop saying things like that. It makes me feel like _you_ don't want this."

Kakashi closed his eyes and gripped Iruka back tighter. "I want this, so much. I just don't want to accidentally push you so far you end up not wanting to do it again."

"Oh." Iruka ran his fingers through the silvery strands of Kakashi's hair and brushed his lips lightly over the older man's jaw. "If I want to stop I'll tell you. Don't worry about that."

"Are you sure?" Kakashi's slate gray eye searched his face keenly for any sign of uncertainty.

Iruka sat back decisively, relocating his hands to Kakashi's waist and rubbing his thumbs down the dips created by his prominent hipbones, following them down just below the top of his pants. Kakashi's eye was wide and his breathing fast as he flickered between watching Iruka's hands and his face.

Taking a deep breath Iruka tugged downwards on the jōnin's pants, Kakashi arcing his hips off the bed to allow the material to slide down easily until it caught on the bandages wrapped around his lower legs. Iruka glared at them. He was nervous enough already; he didn't need anything else messing things up for him.

Kakashi sat up and kissed his forehead, gently peeling Iruka's hands away to unwrap the bindings himself. Iruka steadfastly looked everywhere but at the obvious bulge in the jōnin's underwear, his eyes darting around the room until he felt questing hands on his lower leg. "May I take yours off?"

Iruka nodded and slid his legs out in front of him, resting his calves on Kakashi's bare thighs. The jōnin's hands shook slightly as he unwound the tight fabric, his fingers tracing the line of Iruka's calf muscle down to the bone of his ankle before slowly moving his hands to the chūnin's hips, fingers wrapped around the waistband of his pants. "Can I?" he whispered.

Iruka resisted the sudden teacherly urge to retort, "Of course you _can_ do it_,_ but that doesn't mean you _may_ do it," and instead simply nodded. The words would have stuck in his throat anyway, for he was starting to find it quite difficult to breathe.

Kakashi pulled the material down torturously slowly, and only when he was done did Iruka notice he'd taken his underwear as well. "That's no fair," he grumbled. Trying to hide his uneasiness at his nudity he grabbed for the jōnin and stripped him of his underwear as well. "Now we're even," he started proudly but trailed off when his mind clicked to what he had done, unable to stop his gaze from drifting down to Kakashi's exposed groin. Kakashi did nothing to cover himself, simply watching the chūnin's reaction.

Iruka flushed a vibrant red. "I – you –"

Kakashi grinned. "You're so cute, Iruka." He looped his hand around his own erection and stroked slowly. Iruka found he couldn't tear his eyes away. "Here." When the jōnin reached for his hand he numbly let him take it, unable to comprehend anything except for the fact that Hatake Kakashi was in his bed, naked. _In front of him._

He jerked back when his fingers touched something warm and smooth – _Kakashi _– but the jōnin still had control of his hand and wouldn't let him get very far. He could only watch as his fingers were manipulated to replace the older man's around his reddened, twitching cock. To his own surprise when Kakashi let go of him he didn't retreat, instead shuffling closer. It felt… nice. He stroked up and down experimentally a couple of times, then slid his thumb gently over the head.

_Kakashi sucked me off, _he remembered. _I really should do it for him in return. I don't know if I want to put that in my mouth though… I don't know if it would _fit. _It feels good in my hand… he's so warm. I wonder what it would be like to have this inside of me?_

Kakashi pulled him forward so he was effectively straddling the older man, unknowingly solving his dilemma for him. _I can't put my mouth on him from this position._ Seconds later everything he had been thinking flew out the window anyway as Kakashi wrapped his hand around both of their members and pulled. Iruka bent forward and grabbed onto the jōnin's shoulders simply so he wouldn't fall backwards, his face buried in Kakashi's neck and his breathing hard and irregular.

Kakashi twisted his wrist, effectively grinding their erections together, making Iruka moan into his neck. Not stopping the movement of his hand he sucked the chūnin's earlobe into his mouth. Iruka pressed forward, making a low whining sound in the back of his throat, closing the gap between their chests and making Kakashi chuckle. "Do you want to cum like this?" he asked huskily, "Or do you want to go further?"

"Further?" _What would it be like to be inside of Kakashi, would it feel different than a girl? And what would it be like to have Kakashi inside of me? _Iruka shivered. That last thought made his groin tingle with anticipation.

"We-ell," Kakashi said slowly, kissing his way down a smooth tanned neck, "You can top me or bottom for me, or if you really don't want penetrative sex you can slide your cock in between my thighs. It's supposed to feel pretty good."

Iruka screwed up his nose. "That doesn't sound like it'd be very good for you."

Kakashi shrugged and tugged Iruka's head gently off his shoulder to kiss the corner of his lips. "To be honest I never expected to even get to kiss you. Anything further than that is an unbelievable bonus."

"A bonus?" Iruka pushed up into Kakashi's hand, enjoying the feeling of the other man's cock sliding against his own, the nimble fingers tightening at all the right times. "If you are given the choice, do you prefer to top or bottom?"

"Top." Kakashi's free hand snaked around and settled in the curve of Iruka's back. "But I'm happy with whatever you want to try. It's not like my ass is a virgin."

"Oh, Kakashi."

He'd obviously said the wrong thing again because Iruka was looking at him with _those_ eyes, the ones that said he felt sorry for him and wanted to make everything better. It made him slightly uncomfortable. He'd gotten used to the fact that he was basically just a body to be used in any way his partners desired a long time ago – he'd had to, he didn't have anything else – but Iruka wasn't used to it and probably never would be.

He was steeling himself for the chūnin to get up and leave so he was surprised when Iruka said, "Will you take me, then?"

Kakashi blinked. "What?"

Iruka turned pink and looked away. "Top me, whatever you want to call it. Just… be gentle."

Kakashi slid his hand down a few inches to settle on Iruka's backside, his fingers dipping down into the centre crevice. "You want me… in here?" he asked, a note of disbelief creeping into his voice.

Iruka scowled at him, flush darkening. "Don't make me say it again."

"Okay, okay. I was just making sure." Kakashi fought to keep his voice steady. He couldn't fully believe this was happening. "You have lube, right?"

He _knew_ Iruka had lube, he'd seen it last time he'd slept in this bed, but he wasn't about to admit to his snooping. Shinobi, as a rule, valued their privacy (though exploiting the privacy of others was fair game if the gossip was deemed juicy enough).

"Mmm." Iruka slipped off the bed and opened one of his drawers, shyly handing Kakashi the bottle the jōnin had previously spied, and then after a moments thought a condom. He seemed almost reluctant to get back on the bed, so Kakashi patted the space beside him invitingly and gave what he hoped was an enticing smile.

"Come here. Lie down."

Iruka took the hand offered to him and allowed Kakashi to pull him up and lay him on his back, fighting the urge to cover up his privates. Kakashi stole his hands away anyway, lacing their fingers together and pushing them up beside his head. "Don't you dare hide from me," the older man whispered, ghosting kisses along his jaw, "You're too beautiful for that."

"I'm not –"

"You are," Kakashi insisted. "You're irresistible. Just let me touch you."

He slipped his hands out of Iruka's, tracing his fingers down his well-defined, tanned chest, stroking along the inner curve of his thigh, making him shiver. Kneeling over the younger man Kakashi sucked a dusky nipple into his mouth, touching Iruka with only his lips and the tips of his hair, his fingers straying achingly close to the chūnin's weeping member but not quite touching it.

Iruka mewled and thrust his hips up in an attempt to get some sort of contact but Kakashi seemed to anticipate his movements and kept his hands out of the way, allowing him only the most maddeningly feather light of touches.

"Kakashi," he moaned, "Stop _playing._ I need more."

Kakashi removed his hands and sat back, barely managing to bite back the _are you sure?_ sitting on his tongue. He'd never had sex with a virgin before, and he really didn't want to mess it up. He couldn't allow Iruka to become a one-night-stand simply because he hurt or didn't satisfy the chūnin, not when he was so very close to obtaining a real relationship.

"Kakashi." Iruka was wiggling urgently; his hair splayed out on the pillow and his eyes half closed, warm brown irises peeking out from under heavy lids. He looked perfect. "You're making me nervous."

"Sorry." Kakashi kissed the chūnin's navel, making him squirm even more. "I was just thinking about how _pretty_ you are."

Iruka opened his mouth to retort but all that came out was a loud moan as Kakashi picked that time to swallow him whole. Iruka buried his hands in the snowy hair and yanked, but the jōnin obstinately stayed where he was. "You – manipulative – bastard," Iruka growled, ending on a higher note than he'd intended because Kakashi's tongue felt better than he'd ever admit.

Kakashi scraped his teeth lightly against the underside of Iruka's cock. "Be careful what you call me while your dick is in my mouth, ne?" he said, grinning, after releasing him. "I wouldn't want to accidentally, I don't know, bite you or anything."

Iruka crossed his ankles around Kakashi's back and yanked him down so his face was back in his groin. "I don't even care how you do it now," he moaned, "But please just finish me off _somehow_."

"Okay, seeing as you asked so nicely," Kakashi purred, the hitch in his voice barely noticable. It took him a couple of times to pop the cap off the bottle of lube, his hands were trembling so badly. He liked to pretend he was in control but in truth Iruka just saying his name had him unraveling. He'd never been called Kakashi before during sex, always having to give a false name and remember to respond to it. The fact that Iruka wanted him as himself was almost unbelievable.

"This might be a little uncomfortable." Very carefully he glided his slicked up fingers over Iruka's entrance, watching his face for any sign of discomfit. Iruka simply stared back, lips parted slightly and brown eyes curious. "Relax," Kakashi breathed, half to himself, and wriggled one finger inside. Iruka trembled, but otherwise didn't react. Ever so slowly Kakashi pulled out and pushed in again, imaging the tight heat that clutched at his finger surrounding his cock.

Remembering he should be giving Iruka something to focus on other than the new and not altogether pleasant feeling of something entering his ass for the first time, Kakashi dropped his head and licked at the tip of his chūnin's cock, holding it with his left hand while his right worked on stretching.

Iruka gasped as two fingers breached him, his hands clutching Kakashi's hair tightly, although the jōnin wasn't sure whether it was to drag him closer or push him away. He lapped at the chūnin's cock anyway, scissoring his fingers carefully.

"Kakashi?" Iruka's voice sounded a little strained. "Can you come up here and kiss me?"

Kakashi slithered up the chūnin's body, purposefully rubbing their groins together as he did so and neglecting to remove his fingers, instead wiggling them in a bit further. Kami, how he wanted that feeling around his cock.

Iruka reached for him first, his fingers still tangled deep in Kakashi's silver mane, tugging him forward into an impatient, open-mouthed kiss, eyes closed and cheeks flushed deliciously crimson. Kakashi chuckled against his lips, and pressed upwards with his fingers. Iruka arched up into him, his eyes flying open, letting out the most sensual moan Kakashi had ever heard.

"Kami, what was _that?_" Iruka whispered, panting hard.

Kakashi smiled and repeated the motion, grinning when Iruka jumped. "That?"

"Oh yes, _that." _Iruka pulled him into another wet kiss and Kakashi used the opportunity to slip in a third finger. As much as he enjoyed teasing the chūnin and playing his body he desperately wanted to slide between those perfect cheeks and be swallowed by Iruka's tight virgin heat.

"That's your prostate," he whispered against the chūnin's lips, rubbing said bundle of nerves and making Iruka cry out noiselessly, "Doesn't it feel good?"

Iruka, it seemed, was beyond words, reduced to panting and moaning and making delightful little mewling sounds. Withdrawing his fingers, Kakashi was assaulted with a disappointed growl that he quickly cut off using his lips. "Just wait," he ordered, sitting back to roll the condom over his neglected member before smearing it with lube. He was shaking, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this excited to have sex.

Pushing into Iruka felt like pure bliss, so much so that he forgot he was supposed to be taking it slowly and simply thrust in until his balls were pressed hard against the chūnin's ass, mindless of just how tight the muscles constraining him were.

Iruka cried out, covering his face with his arms, reminding Kakashi that he had to be careful and he'd just made an almost irreversible mistake. "Shit, I'm sorry." He tugged Iruka's arms away from his face and brushed hurried kisses over his forehead. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just keep still, it'll adjust soon."

The chūnin flashed him a tight, pained smile. "Is it always like this?"

"Shit, no. Sorry." Kakashi smoothed his palms down Iruka's sides, sweeping over his softening cock in an attempt to bring it back to hardness. "I just stopped thinking for a moment. I should have taken it slower."

Iruka kissed him softly, attempting to reassure his trembling lover. It didn't feel particularly good but aside from a slight stinging it didn't feel particularly bad either, and Kakashi looked like he was on the brink of totally freaking out. "It's okay. It doesn't hurt that much, you just surprised me. I feel… full. It's kind of an odd feeling."

"It doesn't hurt?" Kakashi sounded hopeful.

"Nope." It did, a bit, but it was quickly getting less painful as his muscles relaxed and adapted to fit around Kakashi. And there was something decidedly terrifying about seeing the usually self-assured Copy-nin so flustered. Iruka shifted his hips back a little, making Kakashi gasp as his cock rubbed against the smooth walls of the chūnin's passage. Iruka shivered. _That actually – that actually felt kind of good. _"I think it would be easier if you controlled the movement," he said, smiling up at his partner and wrapping his legs around his pale back.

Kakashi took the hint and pulled out slowly, pushing back in at the same pace, his lips dancing over Iruka's neck and shoulder. It felt so damn good to finally be inside of Iruka – his _boyfriend – _and he wanted more than anything to make it pleasurable for the younger man. _I want to be able to do this over and over again with the same person, for once. With _this_ person._

Iruka shuddered and lifted his hips to meet him, his eyes closed and his head tossed back carelessly. "Kakashi," he whispered, the name slipping from his lips easily, like melted butter. "Kakashi, Kakashi."

It took a lot to make Hatake Kakashi lose his composure, but hearing his name said like that with the delicious sight of a naked Iruka in front of him was enough to push him even further off the edge. As Iruka's legs tightened around him he thrust harder and faster, blood rushing through his ears, his vision narrowing down to long lashes on a scarred, flushed face, a cute button nose and full, parted lips.

"Kakashi, I – " Iruka's muscles clamped down on his cock as he came, nails digging trenches in the jōnin's back as he shuddered his way through his orgasm. Kakashi thought he'd never seen anything more beautiful in his life and, biting down on Iruka's shoulder, he released his own seed and collapsed on top of his partner.

Iruka hiccupped. Kakashi pulled out carefully and rolled off him, taking it to mean that the younger man couldn't breathe properly. He stared up at the ceiling blankly, almost afraid to look at the chūnin. "Sorry."

Iruka lazily slapped his chest with the back of his hand, unable to muster the energy to move. "What are you apologizing for now?"

"I was too rough. It was supposed to be nice and perfect and beautiful," Kakashi said grumpily.

Iruka smiled. "Are you trying to be romantic, Kakashi? That's sweet." He glanced over in time to see the man beside him stick out his bottom lip sullenly, making him appear suddenly much younger. _Cute._ He rubbed the bridge of his nose, flushing slightly. "It's okay that it wasn't perfect, though. I didn't really expect it to be. It was still very good."

Kakashi rolled onto his side to look at him earnestly. "You enjoyed it?"

Iruka nodded, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. "Yeah, it was… really intense."

"I'm glad." Kakashi smiled happily, running his eye along Iruka's body, trying to capture everything perfectly in his memory before he woke up from what must be a dream. "Oh, you should clean that up. It'll get nasty and itchy if you leave it overnight." He drew his finger through the cum pooled on Iruka's stomach, making him jump.

"I know." Iruka yawned. "I would, but I can't be bothered moving." He was almost tempted to draw his knees up to shield his privates from view, and scolded himself for his childish embarrassment. After what they'd done, what did it matter if Kakashi stared at him?

He closed his eyes and listened to the deceptively domestic sounds of Kakashi padding out of the room and into the bathroom, flushing the toilet and running the tap before returning and placing a wet cloth on his middle.

"It's warm," he said, keeping his eyes shut and concentrating on the feeling of Kakashi's fingers running through the short, curly air that led to his navel.

"It is." Kakashi removed the cloth and patted him dry with something else – possibly a shirt – before moving away. Iruka cracked an eye open, feeling the bed spring back up as Kakashi stood. The jōnin was still naked, staring at the floor, and he looked totally out of his depth.

"What are you doing?" Iruka grumbled sleepily.

Kakashi scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. "This is usually the part where I leave."

"You better not." Iruka pretended to be grumpy even though he knew the jōnin was unsure simply because he wanted to stay but didn't know if he was allowed. He'd seen the way Kakashi reacted to sympathy and he didn't want to make that mistake again. "Get in the bed, Kakashi."

He could feel Kakashi's smile pressed into the back of his neck as the jōnin curled up behind him, one arm tucked around his waist. "Goodnight, Iruka."

"Goodnight, Kakashi."

**o0o**

_That was___**the**_ hardest sex scene I've ever written. Seriously, I've been staring at it for like a week and a half and only been able to write 100-200 words per sitting. Difficult, nasty thing. So do you think it was good? Bad? Completely OOC? I'm not totally convinced by it myself. As an incentive to send me your thoughts, the 150__th__ reviewer gets a one-shot (whether it's a review saying you like this story or you hate it, I don't mind so long as you give me a reason)._


	10. Reality

Iruka woke up feeling heavy but pleasantly languid, a faded blush creeping over his cheeks as he remembered what had happened the night before. _I slept with Kakashi. And I enjoyed it. And – _he rolled over – _Kakashi is still in my bed._

Iruka smiled and kissed the long pale nose in front of him cheerfully. "Mornin'. Did you sleep well?"

"I didn't," Kakashi replied.

Iruka's brow furrowed in confusion. "You didn't sleep? Why not?"

"Someone could have attacked and you would have been defenseless," Kakashi said, deadpan.

Iruka blinked twice. "Are you… actually serious?"

Kakashi nodded solemnly. "It would have been hard even for me to protect you because you kept rolling on top of me."

"That's sweet, I guess," Iruka said, trying not to laugh. "But you don't need to protect me, we're in the middle of Konoha. The only person likely to break into the house of this lowly academy teacher in the middle of the night is Naruto, and he's away training with Jiraiya-sama."

"It's still dangerous," Kakashi said, beginning to pout.

Iruka shook his head in disbelief. "You can make that face all you want but you're going to have to learn to sleep beside me or else you're sleeping on your own. I will not be responsible for you getting hurt on missions because you're overtired."

"I get to sleep with you again?" Kakashi said slowly, hopefully.

"Of course, if you can actually manage the _sleep_ part," Iruka said fondly, shifting his gaze out the window. "It's rather bright – Kakashi, what's the time?"

"Maa," Kakashi took a look at the alarm clock on the dresser, "Five to nine."

"Gah!" Iruka jumped out of bed only to immediately fall back down again, clutching his lower back. "Shit, that hurts. Why didn't my alarm go off? I'm going to be late!"

Kakashi rolled onto his side, hugging Iruka's pillow to his chest and burying his nose in it. "I turned it off," he said nonchalantly.

"Turned it off? Why would you do such a thing?" Iruka scrambled around on his dresser for an elastic band and hastily scraped his hair into some semblance of a ponytail.

"I thought you'd like a sleep in," Kakashi said, yawning. "You deserve some time off."

"What are you, crazy?" Iruka glared at the floppy mess of silver hair and then gave up, realizing the answer to his question was obvious. "I can't do _anything_ wrong at the moment, you realize that, don't you? Hiashi already wants my head on a platter and Tsunade-sama definitely won't be happy with me after yesterday."

Kakashi cringed. "Oh. I guess that's my fault," he said quietly.

Iruka paused in his hurry to throw pants on and kissed the tiny bit of forehead he could see peeking out from the pillow. "It's okay. Just don't turn off my alarm ever again, okay?"

Kakashi nodded meekly.

"Good boy." Iruka hastily wrapped his calves, flung on a long-sleeved shirt, grabbed a flak jacket from the bottom of his wardrobe and slung his satchel over one shoulder. Without stopping to catch his breath he rushed out the door, calling out behind him, "And get some sleep, baka!"

**o0o**

It was ten past nine when Iruka skidded to a stop in front of his classroom, which to his surprise was completely silent. The kids were all sitting perfectly still in their assigned seats and swiveled around to stare at him as he opened the door. "Iruka-sensei, you're still teaching us, right?" a small child with a missing front tooth asked.

Iruka smiled at the child before turning to the front of the classroom to see that someone had already begun his lesson. He bowed gratefully. "Thank you, Shikamaru-kun. You've saved me a lot of trouble."

Shikamaru scratched the back of his head and sighed heavily. "Ach, this is troublesome, but Tsunade-sama left this for you." He held out an official looking scroll.

Iruka took it, his heart sinking to his knees. He could guess what it was and his suspicions were only confirmed when Shikamaru suggested gently, "Perhaps it would be better if you opened it outside."

With legs like lead he stumbled out of the classroom, ignoring the questions his students were throwing at him, and collapsed on what he had referred to for a long time as 'Naruto's swing'. He broke the seal on the scroll with trembling fingers to read the words he'd expected but hoped against hope not to see.

_Umino Iruka – regret to inform you – no longer suitable – contract terminated._

_I should be angry, _he thought, but all he felt was hollow and disappointed. _You knew the time would come for this, Umino, you were just stupidly hoping that the villagers wouldn't be so petty and judgmental. _Iruka buried his face in his hands. _I did, I did know this was coming. I just didn't think it would hurt so much. I'm giving up my job, my life, and my friends – everything – for Kakashi. Is he really worth it?_

An image of Kakashi giving him an embarrassed smile through a mouthful of froth floated unbidden into his mind and he couldn't help but smile. The crazy jōnin had been so chakra-depleted to begin with he had fallen asleep in the middle of cleaning his teeth, face pressed against the cool ceramic of the sink, swaying lightly on his feet.

It was almost like looking after an overgrown child at times, and despite himself Iruka couldn't help but find the man adorable. Kakashi had seemed particularly self-conscious every time Iruka had to help him do something that should usually be easy to achieve alone, the delightful pink flush that stained his unnaturally pale cheeks a dead give-away of his embarrassment. If he was honest with himself Iruka might admit that he sometimes helped when he wasn't needed just to provoke it. He liked not being the blushing one.

Iruka sighed and rolled up the scroll, stuffing it into his satchel. Yes, Kakashi was worth it. The older man had slotted into his life so naturally he'd almost forgotten what it had been like to be alone, although he remembered enough to know that he didn't want to go back to it. He shifted slightly and pain lanced up his spine, reminding him of the other reason he didn't want to let go of the silver-haired man.

Despite the fact that it had been a small part painful, a small part uncomfortable and a larger part embarrassing, having Kakashi inside of him had also been overwhelmingly mind-blowing and he'd definitely like to repeat that experience. He'd felt the repercussions of last night when he'd gotten out of bed but pushed it to the back of his mind, too worried about getting to class on time to let it bother him. Now that he was sitting down and had time to think about it, he realized that although moving too suddenly did make his backside twinge it was nothing like the pain he'd imagined it would be.

On a more immature level he actually got a kick out of the fact that it hurt. Every time he felt any soreness it was a big fat reminder that he'd gotten laid last night and prompted his mind to send him sensual images of Kakashi naked.

A bell rang out and Iruka jolted. _Have I really been sitting here that long? _He smiled wryly to himself. _I suppose it doesn't matter how much time I waste. It's not like I have a job anymore. _Still, he was wise enough to realize that it wasn't the best idea to still be sitting despondently outside the academy when the children came out on their break. There was no way he'd be able to confront his class about not being allowed to teach without crying and he was not about to willingly humiliate himself like that. Not to mention that talking to them about being fired would lead to them asking _why_ he'd been fired and he wasn't ready to talk about his relationship with Kakashi with anyone.

He stood up and walked aimlessly, pondering what he should do. He could go to the memorial stone to tell his parents he'd found someone to care about, but he had the feeling that if they were still around then they already knew. Konoha was hardly a place for secrets. He could go buy some groceries, he was nearly out, but he found he just couldn't be bothered. More than that he didn't really want to test how much the villagers opinion had changed of him, not while he was still hurting over losing his job. Iruka's mind smirked. _When I do go I'll take Kakashi with me. Think of what a _scandal _that would be. They deserve to have it shoved in their faces. If they're going to make an issue out of it we might as well give them something to talk about._

In the end he decided to just go home, wanting to see as few people as possible. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could go back to bed and curl up with Kakashi. He'd forgotten that being in a relationship had some quite nice perks. He shucked off his sandals and dropped his satchel in the doorway, shuffling into the kitchen for some well-deserved comfort food.

He dropped the butter pecan ice cream in shock when a booming voice followed him. "Iruka-sensei, you are not looking your Usual Youthful Self today!"

Iruka tiptoed back into his living area cautiously, ice cream tub firmly in hand. _I couldn't have been so distracted that I managed to overlook _Gai, _could I? _Apparently he could, because Konoha's Green Beast was still not in sight.

"Maa, Iruka, shouldn't you still be teaching?"

Iruka looked up to see Kakashi stand up from his seat on the ceiling and casually walk down the wall. He blinked twice. Gai, also on the roof, gave him a wide, gleaming smile. He frowned. "Is that my shoji board?"

A small table in front of the spandex-clad jōnin held up (or down, as it were) what seemed to be a game of shoji, which, by the placement of the pieces, Kakashi seemed to be winning. "It is indeed!" Gai exclaimed with more enthusiasm than necessary, his shining hair swinging almost hypnotically as he bobbed his head up and down.

"I… see," Iruka said slowly, although he didn't 'see' at all. "I hope you didn't glue that up there."

"It's held with chakra. It's a good test of control to be able to hold up all the pieces as well as strategizing with all the blood rushing to your head," Kakashi explained, walking up beside him. He smiled, cheeks dimpling, and Iruka realized he wasn't wearing his mask. He glanced at Gai, but the eccentric jōnin didn't seem to have noticed or just didn't care.

"We must put this Challenge aside for the moment, Eternal Rival!" Gai crowed, flipping straight down to land on his feet. "The Youthful Iruka-sensei deserves our Full Attention!"

Iruka stepped backwards and Kakashi stepped forwards to catch the now-falling shoji pieces as Gai's diverted attention renewed their susceptibility to gravity. "Maa, normal people can't handle all of your attention at once, Gai. It suffocates them," Kakashi said amiably, releasing his own chakra-hold and catching the small table as it fell, righting it and setting it back on the floor.

Gai's eyes glistened. "So Hip, Kakashi!"

"Mhmm." Kakashi glanced back at Iruka and decided the man looked as if he was about to shatter. Seeing as Gai had about as much tact and delicacy as a bull in a china shop he said, "I think I hear mini-Gai calling. He's saying something about how his green-spandex-ed idol went back on his word and didn't climb the Hokage Mountain with one hand, chakra-less. He sounds disappointed."

Gai struck a predictable pose, teeth flashing. "I do not recall making such a Promise, but if my Darling Student thinks I did then I will do it twice!"

"That's a good boy," Kakashi said flatly.

"I apologize, but I Must be Going," Gai said, bowing towards Iruka with a lot of excess waving of his hands. "You must Promise to keep on being Youthful in my wake."

He seemed to be waiting for some sort of reply so Iruka eventually said, "I, uh, promise?"

Gai nodded, his eyes once again sparkling with tears. "Farewell, Dear Iruka-sensei."

He was gone before Iruka could blink. The chūnin scratched his nose awkwardly. "Why do I feel like I've been sentenced to death?"

Kakashi grinned and strode back towards him until they were inches apart. "Don't worry, he only ever means it in a good way." He pried the tub of ice cream from Iruka's grip and held it up. "What is this for?"

"For me to eat." Iruka snatched it back and clutched it to his chest possessively. "I _deserve_ it."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Are you planning on eating all of that?"

"I'll eat it until it's gone or I fall into an ice cream coma," Iruka said, glaring. "Do you plan on stopping me?"

"Yes." Kakashi made a few seals and touched his fingertips to the ice cream, which promptly disappeared.

"What did you do?" Iruka moaned, pulling at his hair. "That was _mine._ Give it back. I need it."

"No." Kakashi pointed to the sofa. "You're going to sit down, tell me why you're upset, and then after that, maybe I'll give it back."

Iruka glowered at him but sat down as instructed, huddling up as small as he could in the corner of the settee. "You shouldn't take things that don't belong to you," he said sullenly, knowing that he sounded like a spoilt brat but unable to muster up the energy to care.

"If you ate that entire thing you'd just feel worse afterwards," Kakashi said calmly, perching himself on the cushion closest to Iruka but far enough away that they weren't touching. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he sat, a telling nervous gesture. "And, well, I was hoping that maybe I could help you feel better, or something?" He gave a lopsided smile, visible eye curving shut.

Iruka childishly wanted to hit him for pointing out so logically what he'd been trying to ignore. He wasn't really sure he was comfortable breaking down in front of Kakashi but the older man seemed genuinely worried and he did want to just let go. Hopefully Kakashi would still be there at the end of it all. "Sorry." He tugged the elastic out of his hair and ran his fingers through it. "I got fired."

Actually speaking it aloud nailed home that it was real, that he'd never again be allowed to stand in front of a class and lead children safely down the perilous path to ninja-hood. "I'm not allowed to teach anymore."

He hadn't realized just how much his life had revolved around his work up until now. He started shaking and couldn't stop, clutching his knees tightly to his chest and squeezing his eyes closed. _I won't be 'Iruka-sensei' anymore. What will I be, Iruka-san, Iruka-kun? I like being sensei. It's who I am. I like having kids come up to me in the street to tell me about their day or show me something they're proud of. I don't know if I could even handle going back to full time missions._

There was a pregnant pause and then strong arms surrounded him, dragging him forward until he was sprawled across the jōnin's lap. Instinctively he latched his fingers onto the older man's shirt and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Kakashi awkwardly rubbed what he assumed were meant to be soothing circles on his back.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi mumbled into his hair, "It's my fault you got fired."

Iruka sighed heavily. "It's not your fault, Kakashi. It's my students' bigoted parents' fault. I don't understand how being with you affects my ability to teach anyway." Having Kakashi's warm arms around him was actually a better soothing balm than the ice cream would have been. He genuinely felt cared for, as he didn't think the anti-social jōnin had ever – or would ever – do this for anyone else. "I mean, the letter says they don't want me 'imposing my corrupt values on the village's youth' but I don't see why they think I would ever even mention my relationship to my class."

"Just the fact that they know you're with me means you are unconsciously sending them the message that it's okay to have a relationship with someone of the same sex," Kakashi said quietly, moving his hand upwards to run his fingers through Iruka's hair.

Iruka growled into his neck. "Iwashi-san has been having a very public affair for over two years. Does that mean it's alright for him to send the message that it's okay to cheat on your wife to his students? Because that's a hell of a lot more corrupt than me just being with you."

"I know." Kakashi kissed his forehead. "But that's just the way the world is."

Iruka fell silent for a while, concentrating on the way Kakashi's chest rose and fell against him in slow, even breaths. "How am I going to pay rent?" he asked eventually, almost to himself. "Missions office doesn't pay very much and I haven't been out of the village in such a long time."

"I have money," Kakashi said softly, "And I will train with you, if you like. It's the least I can do."

Iruka screwed up his nose and leaned back so he could look at Kakashi's face. "I wasn't trying to hint that you should give me money, you know," he said dryly. "I do have savings and stuff. I was just thinking aloud. By the way, what did you do to my ice cream?"

Kakashi grinned and ruffled his hair. "Why, do you still want it?"

Iruka smiled back. "No, I was just wondering." He was surprised to find that he didn't even feel like it anymore. Just having someone to sit there and listen made a big difference.

"Transportation jutsu," Kakashi said happily. "I sent it to the freezer at my apartment, so if you want it back you have to go there."

"I didn't know you could use that jutsu on objects," Iruka mused.

Kakashi shrugged. "Most people don't. Actually, most people can't, I think. I messed around with the seals a bit, it's not quite the same."

Iruka stared at him. "You say that like it's no big deal, but it's extremely difficult to create or adapt jutsu sucessfully."

Kakashi smiled, captivated by the incredulous look on his chūnin's face, and stole a kiss. While Iruka was busy blushing and looking put out he said, "To tell the truth I have so many jutsu stored in my head that if I don't concentrate properly I often get them wrong. I discovered that particular one by sending my father's tanto to the Hokage's office instead of myself."

Iruka chuckled at the image of a sword appearing in mid-air in front of the Hokage and clattering to the ground. "I bet that gave the ANBU a fright."

"ANBU aren't frightened of anything," Kakashi lied, running his fingers up Iruka's neck and gently cupping his jaw. "Though the Sandaime was extremely ticked off at me because they tripled his guard for a while, thinking it was a serious threat."

"Ah." Iruka's breath caught in his throat. With Kakashi's fingertips delicately stroking his skin – he'd never seen such long, thin digits on a man – and the focus of that deep, dark eye centred on him he felt almost as if time had stopped and he was losing himself in a purely sensory world. He pulled himself out quickly, afraid he would drown if he kept staring into Kakashi's eye. "So is – is Gai-san okay with this, with us? Or did you not tell him?"

Kakashi rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "I think he just doesn't want to find a new Eternal Rival. It took him a long time to get me to agree to it, after all, and nobody else is stupid enough to take him up on it."

Iruka frowned. "You don't really mean that, do you?"

"No, I don't." For some reason Kakashi felt bad for lying, even though he'd only meant it as a joke. "I believe what he said was that 'true love has no barriers of gender, race or disfigurement' except he said it in fancier words." He didn't add that Gai had shed many manly tears over the fact that he had found someone to 'help him become human again'. "And then he challenged me because he knew there was no way I could refuse after he'd said something like that."

"That's sort of sweet, but I'm kind of glad I wasn't there for that." Iruka was about to say something else when a knock at the door interrupted him. He tightened his grip on Kakashi's shirt. "Should I get that?" Whoever it was, it was unlikely they'd be here on pleasant terms and Iruka had had enough nasty surprises today.

"I can get it, if you like," Kakashi offered, noticing his reaction.

Iruka jumped up immediately. "No, that's a terrible idea! I'll get it."

The person knocked again and Iruka flew across the room to open it. Seeing Naru Shikaku leaning against his doorframe was the last thing he'd expected. "Yes?" he said, forgetting his manners in his surprise.

Shikaku sighed loudly and looked past him into the living room. "I need Hatake," he said flatly. "May I borrow him?"

"What do you want me for?" Kakashi stood up and strode over to stand behind Iruka, curling a hand around his waist possessively and making him flinch. Shikaku's gaze fluttered down for a second then back up, his expression giving nothing away as to what he thought about the hand or the fact that he could see Kakashi's whole face.

He glanced at Iruka as if to evaluate how much classified information he was allowed to overhear, realizing that Kakashi would not budge without more details, and muttered, "How troublesome," before clearing his throat. "There are some powerful people causing trouble on the western border of Fire Country, and they need to be dealt with carefully. Tsunade-sama asked me to put together a team of my choosing to handle it, and you are my first choice."

Kakashi deliberately leered at him. "Are you sure I won't molest you in your sleep?"

"I'm sure an old man like me holds absolutely no interest for you, Kakashi," Shikaku said, shaking his head, before looking pointedly at Iruka. "Particularly when you've already got a younger, more attractive model."

Iruka turned red and stepped back, but he could feel tension leaking out of Kakashi's tall frame at the older man's verbal acceptance of his relationship. "What about the rest of the team?"

Shikaku shrugged. "There is no 'rest of the team'. It's just you and me. Unless you have some sort of problem with being left alone with me?"

Kakashi looked stunned for a moment, and then grinned, his eye curving up happily. "Give me half an hour to get ready."

Shikaku nodded. "I'll wait out here."

Kakashi made a beeline for the bedroom, Iruka trailing behind. "You're excited to go on this mission?" Iruka asked, amused.

"It's not that." Kakashi turned to face him. "It's just that he's treating me like a normal person. You know how rare that is these days. Do you have any spare wrappings I could use?" He gestured to his bare calves.

"Yeah." Iruka smiled fondly at him. "I'll get them for you."

**o0o**

Kakashi was still buzzing from the fact that 1) he'd slept with Iruka, Iruka had enjoyed it and come back to him for consoling cuddles, 2) Gai still wanted to continue their weird Rival relationship and 3) Shikaku still trusted him as a fellow shinobi, so when someone bumped into him on the way to the Hokage's office he merely said, "Sorry," and kept on walking.

Three steps later he realized he'd recognized that high-pitched yelp of surprise, and turned around. "Sakura," he said pleasantly, giving his ex-student his famous eye-smile.

"K-Kaka-sensei," was the stuttered reply.

Kakashi narrowed his eye. She definitely didn't look pleased to see him. In fact, she looked a little pale and she was still sitting in the middle of the hall where she'd fallen after he'd bumped her, papers scattered around her. "Maa, are you okay?" he asked, holding out a hand to help her up. Sakura flinched away from it.

He withdrew his hand slowly, feeling his good mood evaporate.

"Are you – are you having sex with Iruka-sensei?" she asked in a small voice.

Kakashi frowned. "Who said that to you?"

"I overheard someone. Everyone's talking about it," Sakura said, picking up her papers and obstinately not looking at him, holding them tight to her chest. He simply stared at her, unwilling to believe what was happening. When she'd finished gathering up everything she'd dropped she turned and leveled him with an icy stare. "I think it's disgusting what you're doing, taking advantage of his kindness." With that she turned on her heel and flounced away.

Shikaku said something under his breath again and poked Kakashi in the arm. "We're late."

"I'm always late," Kakashi mumbled, staring at the point where Sakura had disappeared. He felt like someone had tipped a bucket of ice-cold water over his head.

"Oi." Shikaku prodded him in the back. "It's time to go."

Kakashi shut his eye and mentally stuffed everything he was feeling about Iruka and Gai and Sakura into a tiny metal box, slamming the lid on it. He opened his eye and nodded to his mission partner. "I'm ready now."

**o0o**

Tsunade looked surprised to see him, but thankfully didn't mention it, skipping straight to the briefing. "There is a band of supposedly 'rouge' shinobi on the sou-western border terrorizing everyone who is on the move between Fire and River, even going to far as to kill civilians. Four of our own shinobi have been wounded by this group, one critically.

"We have reason to believe that someone with great power has put them up to this and I need you to find out who is pulling the strings, and why. I chose you, Shikaku, because I trust your judgment on how to go about getting this information and what to do with the perpetrators afterwards. Is this clear?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama," Shikaku said, and when she turned her gaze on him Kakashi nodded too.

"Right. Dismissed."

Both jōnin stepped outside and walked to the gates of the village, where Kakashi paused. Shikaku raised an eyebrow. "Having second thoughts?"

"You and I both know that the best team for this kind of mission is your own Ino-Shika-Cho, with Inoichi's mind control jutsu and Chouza for backup. So why did you pick me?" Kakashi asked.

Shikaku shrugged loosely and gazed up at the clouds. "Maybe I wanted a change."

Kakashi gave him a shut-eye smile, his mouth once again hidden behind the mask. "Thank you."

They both knew it had nothing to do with a change, and everything to do with a chance. Shikaku was showing Kakashi that he didn't think anything differently of him at the same time as showing the rest of the shinobi that Kakashi was nothing to fear, at least in terms of sexuality. It was an intangible extended hand of friendship, and Kakashi took it gratefully.

**o0o**

_A note on Sakura: I don't like her character, but I abhor character bashing because that's just bad writing (I also don't like Naruto, but when he shows up next chapter I'm going to be nice to him). Here she acts this way because at this point she's thirteen and very impressionable – her character also suggests that she doesn't quite think for herself and will do whatever is asked of her in order to curry favour. Her mentor is Tsunade and when girls this age idolize someone that person's words are gospel. As well as this she wants to set out to be seen as worthy in Tsunade's eyes and if this means disowning Kakashi then so be it (I get the feeling she never really cared that much for him in the first place. She only ever looked at Sasuke before the timeskip). _

_Also, if you saw two of your teachers kissing wouldn't you be disgusted? It doesn't matter if they're both male or if they're male and female. It mystifies me as to why people always paint Sakura as some crazed yaoi fangirl who gets turned on by her teachers kissing. Bishies or not, it's still something she really shouldn't be into._


	11. Regain

**o0o**

"This is a present for you from me and Ko," Izumo said, slamming a large box of beer down on the table in front of Iruka, who jumped.

"It's 'Ko and I' not 'me and Ko'," Iruka corrected, slightly peeved that he hadn't noticed the chūnin's presence until it had been drawn to his attention. _I need to stop being so distracted or someone's going to get the jump on me. How the hell could I not notice Gai _and _'Zumo? _"Besides, I don't need alcohol. I have this."

He held up the large tub of butter pecan ice cream he'd retrieved from Kakashi's apartment. He'd been wary at first, figuring that Kakashi would have layers of complex and deadly traps all over his door and windows, but there'd been nothing. After he'd picked the lock the old fashioned way and looked around he understood why. Kakashi didn't seem to have anything worthy of stealing, unless a well-worn porn collection was worth anything these days.

"Don't be silly, 'Ruka, there's always a need for alcohol," Kotetsu said, dumping a second box on top of the first and ripping into it. "And besides, you need to celebrate your new freedom from being cooped up in a classroom with whiny pre-genin."

Iruka stared down into the tub of ice cream. It was more than half gone. He hadn't felt the need for it when Kakashi had been comforting him but then Kakashi had disappeared on his mission and he'd caved. The jōnin had been right. Seeing how much he'd eaten did make him feel terrible. "You guys know about that?"

"We know everything, we have to serve under Tsunade-baachan. She talks to herself when she's stressed," Kotetsu said helpfully, attempting to open his bottle with his teeth.

Izumo whacked him on the back of his head – "They're screw tops, dummy!" – before sinking down on the couch beside Iruka and putting his arm around him. "It's been a long time since you've had a vacation, you know. Maybe you should go to an onsen for a few days, relax and get away from all the nasty talk around here."

Iruka sighed and rested his head on his friend's shoulder. "I still have to find a way to pay the rent somehow, I don't have spare money to throw around on frivolous stuff like that. Besides, I don't think I'd be able to relax properly knowing that Kakashi is out on a dangerous mission."

"Well, you could come on missions with us," Kotetsu said. "It'll be just like old times, right?"

Iruka snorted. "And how often do you guys get out of the village? Only about as much as I do. And I don't think I can handle working so closely with Tsunade-sama right now."

"Forget about work and just drink with us like you used to. You know you wanna."

Izumo cracked open a beer and handed it to him. Iruka looked at it doubtfully.

"C'mon, loosen up." Kotetsu jostled him with his elbow. "You don't have to be all proper anymore 'cause you're not responsible for anyone's brats."

"Ko…" Iruka sighed. "I _like_ being responsible for those brats."

Izumo glared at his partner. "Lets just not talk about work, shall we? We came here to get drunk and watch old movies and get all nostalgic about when we were kids, right?"

"Thanks 'Zumo." Iruka determinedly pulled himself out of his slump. _It's not these guys fault I'm upset. They just want to cheer me up. _"So, what movies did you bring?"

Izumo grinned, and thrust a DVD case in front of his face. " 'The Tales of a Gutsy Ninja?' " Iruka gasped. "Oh, no. No. Anything but that."

"Come _on_," Kotetsu wheedled. "We know you love it. You're even better at quoting it than 'Zumo is."

"No way," Iruka declared. "That is an embarrassing relic of my childhood that is best buried in the past."

"We're going to watch it," Izumo asserted, "And there's nothing you can do about it. Every time the kid says 'believe it' you gotta drink, okay?"

Iruka sighed and buried his face in his hands, drink tucked safely between his knees. "You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?"

Izumo patted him on the head consolingly and Kotetsu said, "There is no such thing as no!"

Kotetsu grabbed the case off Izumo and shoved the disc into the player, fiddling with the remote. Iruka smiled, remembering that Kakashi was absolutely useless with anything to do with technology.

"There!" Kotetsu finally managed to get the right picture, selecting play before jumping up to cuddle into the side of Iruka that wasn't monopolized by Izumo. Iruka growled and pushed him away.

Kotetsu pouted. "Am I not good enough? Is Kakashi the only one you'll let get close to you now? I feel so _hurt._"

"Give it a break." Iruka flushed red, remembering just how close he'd let Kakashi get to him, and shoved his spiky-haired friend again. "Go cuddle with 'Zumo."

"But tonight's for you, 'Ruki," Kotetsu purred, rubbing his head up the side of Iruka's face like a cat. "We wanna make you feel good again."

"What?" Iruka squeaked.

"Wait! Rewind that!" Izumo suddenly shouted, and the two squabbling men turned to stare at him. "I thought I just saw – rewind it a bit, okay?"

Iruka and Kotetsu stared at the screen, confused. "Uh, 'Zu? It's still the opening credits," Kotetsu said slowly.

"I saw -" Izumo sighed, grabbed the remote and rewound it himself. "That." He pointed to the words on the screen.

"Based on a novel by… Jiraiya-sama?" Iruka shook his head. "No way. No _way _that pervert wrote the story to the movie I watched a million times as a kid."

"Yeah, doesn't he only write porn?" Kotetsu lifted one eyebrow. "Hey 'Zumo, you didn't buy an Icha Icha movie and just hide it in the Gutsy Ninja case, did you?"

Izumo shook his head. "No, this is definitely Gutsy Ninja. I borrowed it from my mum."

Iruka scowled and folded his arms across his chest. "That stupid hentai just ruined my childhood."

"Ah, it's not that bad." Izumo rubbed his back soothingly. "Just drink up, and all your worries will float away."

Iruka sighed and lifted the bottle to his lips. _It's not like I have much of a choice, is it?_

**o0o**

Iruka woke up with numb legs and a pounding head. He groaned and hoisted himself up to survey the damage, grimacing as the movement made his head spin. He was lying on the floor, for some reason, with Izumo curled up on his calves – which explained why he couldn't feel them. Kotetsu, that twat, was stretched out across the couch snoring peacefully. He tried to shake a leg but all he managed was a mild twitch, causing Izumo to mumble in his sleep and clutch his leg tighter.

Iruka smiled. He'd complained and he felt like shit now, but last night had been great. He hadn't wanted to watch the movie, afraid that seeing it as an adult would ruin his nostalgic memories of it, but the alcohol had simply made the bad acting and cheesy lines hilarious. They'd all laughed until they had tears running down their cheeks, struggling to breathe. He'd pondered aloud that if this was what Jiraiya wrote for kids then his adult novels must be equally as uproariously bad. That led him to thinking about Kakashi and his little orange book though, so he'd quickly redirected the conversation.

He sat up properly and ruffled Izumo's hair. _I have amazing friends, _he thought. _I wonder if Kakashi has ever done anything like this? …I don't think he has. I doubt he has any 'proper' childhood memories. He's always just been viewed as a weapon._

Very carefully he eased himself out of Izumo's grip and stood up shakily, stamping the feeling back into his legs. He eyed the sleeping chūnin at his feet for a while before sighing and bending down to pick him up. Even though it was half Izumo's fault he felt so crappy right now his conscience wouldn't let him just leave him on the floor like that. He stepped over all the bottles on the floor and carried him into the bedroom, depositing him none-too-gently on the bed. Izumo made a happy snuffling noise and buried his face in the pillow.

Iruka chuckled and patted his head before wandering off to find some aspirin. His kitchen was tidier than usual, and he realized that that was because he hadn't actually eaten yesterday, aside from the ice cream. _So that's why I got drunk so quickly. First Kakashi turning off my alarm, then losing my job then – gah. I didn't even have time to think about food. No wonder my head aches so much._

He grabbed a bottle of chilled water from the fridge and felt along the shelf of the cabinet above for some pain relief pills. Kotetsu and Izumo thought it was weird that he kept his first-aid kit in the kitchen but he refused to move it because that's where his parents had always kept theirs. Kotetsu said that the bathroom was a much more practical place because of the cleansing facilities and mirror, and Iruka was forced to admit that he was unlikely to get the type of injuries that would require such treatment. If anything, the most likely way he'd get hurt would be chopping up vegetables, in which case it would be handy to have bandages and the like right there.

_I should probably eat something to soak up any residual alcohol. I should really have eaten last night. _A quick glance in the cupboards told him that he also should have gone shopping yesterday, because he was out of food. His stomach whined pathetically. "Can't you even manage a growl?" he muttered, then shook his head in disbelief. "Kami, how desperate am I, talking to my stomach."

He really didn't want to go outside, considering he now knew there were enough people who disliked him to get him fired and he had no idea who they were. Would people look at him differently? _Ichiraku's won't be open just yet, it's too early. That's a shame, I'd like to talk to Teuchi-san and see what he thinks about all this. _He rubbed his forehead and sighed. Both Kotetsu and Izumo were still out cold, and probably would be for another hour or so. He'd like to just go back to sleep himself, but once he'd started thinking about food he couldn't stop, and he was hungry. "I guess there's nothing for it then," he murmured, and shuffled back to the bedroom to find some clothes.

Izumo had curled around his pillow and was sucking on the corner of it. Iruka smiled and shook his head at the sight. "I'm going to have to wash that now," he said mock-grumpily, but not loudly enough to wake the sleeping chūnin. Turning to his closet he selected a clean uniform and pulled it out, before remembering he didn't have a job anymore. _I don't have to teach, which means I can wear whatever the heck I like. And I'd rather not be a shinobi at the moment._

Tossing the uniform back in the closet he chose again, this time a pair of dark jeans and a plain black t-shirt. He glanced at Izumo to check he was still sleeping and performs the quickest change of his life. Tying his hair up the usual way made his head hurt where it pulled on his scalp so he drew it together in a low tail at the nape of his neck, huffing at the strands that escaped his tie but too hungover to really bother doing anything about them.

He checked on Kotetsu again as he walked back into the living room; the spiky-haired chūnin had rolled over, one arm dangling to the floor, but otherwise seemed okay. _Should I leave them a note? Probably. I don't want them to think I've been kidnapped, or whatever. Izumo always overreacts._

Iruka scribbled a note and left it on the table beside Kotetsu's dangling hand. Hopefully they'd find it, or just not wake up until he got back.

The cool morning breeze went quite a way towards making him feel better, and he wasn't sure if the residual ache in his chest was due to his hunger or if he was just missing his class. _Probably both_, he decided, and strove to put it out of his mind. _It's a really nice day, I should be thankful that Tsunade-sama has saved me from being inside with a bunch of rowdy pre-genin all day. _He gave a laugh that was two steps away from becoming tears. _Who am I kidding. Even with a hangover I'd rather be teaching._

Iruka ambled in the general direction of his usual grocery store, enjoying the sun on his skin. It had been a long time since he'd had the time to just relax and _be,_ and although it felt nice he knew he'd get sick of it quite fast. Besides, he was too hungry at the present moment to enjoy it properly.

He'd expected people to be slightly hostile towards him, given how the talk of his relationship with Kakashi must have spread, but people seemed to be simply ignoring him. He saw a few people who would usually wave to him and say hi, parents of current and previous students, but they simply walked on past him as if they couldn't see him. It was puzzling. They weren't looking at him with disgust, they were just… indifferent to him.

Shaking his head at the weirdness of it all, he turned into his favourite store. He usually brought a list with him, compiled over the week, but this time he hadn't bothered. He'd had too much going on. _I'll have to ask Kakashi what his favourite food is so I can make it for him. _His cheeks heated up at the thought of cooking for his – his _boyfriend,_ but it was almost a comforting sort of blush. He hadn't really had anyone to lavish attention on since Naruto had left, so Kakashi would just have to put up with being the new focus of his attention.

Iruka smiled to himself as he found himself wandering down the instant ramen isle out of habit, remembering that up until quite recently he'd always had to have a stockpile marked 'in case of Naruto'. He threw some into his basket. It might be painful remembering his favourite blond – _does he even still remember me? His current sensei, and even Kakashi, is more powerful than me, and they both taught him so much more than I ever could _– but he enjoyed taking time out of his day to just sit and remember the times he'd had with the boy he considered family. He wouldn't blame Naruto if the kid ever forgot him; he was just an academy teacher after all. Well, he wasn't even that anymore.

Iruka sighed, and put the noodles back on the shelf. On second thoughts he really didn't want reminders of how things were. He was making a new life for himself, even though he didn't have a lot of control over where his newfound feelings were taking him. The past belonged in the past, and from now on he was moving forward and not looking back. He would not torture himself with 'could have been's.

He conducted the rest of his shop on autopilot, only pausing when he got to the counter to pay. The checkout clerk, an old woman he saw every week and usually chatted to, gave him a customer generic, "Good morning!" before starting to scan his groceries.

"Good morning, Miyako-baasan," Iruka said as cheerfully as he could, slightly put out that she hadn't greeted him in her usual manner. Her husband had died many years ago and she ran the small store by herself. He had the feeling she was quite lonely, because every time he saw her he'd be bombarded with stories of how her eldest daughter is a failure but her children are so darling and did he know that little Kimi-chan just said her first word?

The old woman stopped scanning the item she was holding and blinked at him in surprise. "Iruka-chan! You look so different not in your uniform." She patted his hand, a sly smile on her face. "A beautiful man like you should have a pretty wife. How are you not married yet?"

Iruka blushed, partly at being called beautiful and partly because the word marriage had conjured up an image of Kakashi wearing a formal wedding kimono. _Baka, what are you thinking? You don't want to _marry_ him._

"It is strange to see you on a Tuesday, you should be teaching, no?" the old lady continued.

"Uh, I have the day off today," Iruka said, feeling guilty for lying but knowing he couldn't tell her the truth. If he said he'd been fired she'd want to know why, and he had the feeling she would disapprove of him being in a relationship with another man.

"Good. You should use this pretty day as a chance to find you a lovely bride," Miyako said, continuing to ring up his groceries. To his relief that seemed to be the end of her interest in him, as she happily switched to grumbling about her good-for-nothing daughter. He let the steady stream of chatter wash over him contentedly, grateful that news of his homosexuality wasn't so prominent in the civilian sector. It wasn't that he was ashamed, it was just easier if people weren't judging him straight away because of it.

He picked up his bags and was about to make the trip to the open-air markets to get his fruit and vegetable for the week before realizing that they only existed on Sundays. _It's weird being here on a Tuesday. I've always only ever done my shopping in the weekend._ It was a lot busier than it was when he usually came, with tradesmen pulling carts, vendors setting up roadside stalls, businessmen in a hurry to get to work, children playing in the dust – _children?_

Iruka crept over to where the children were poking around in the dirt with a stick, apparently drawing a map, to get a closer look. His suspicions confirmed he transferred his groceries to one hand and used the other to pick up the leading child by his scarf. "Konohamaru, why are you not at the academy?" he growled.

The other two looked about to run, so he leveled them with teacher glares. Moegi and Udon froze, the only movement the bubble of snot in the boy's nose popping.

"Eh? Iruka-sensei?" Konohamaru didn't seem at all bothered by the fact his feet were no longer touching the ground. "You look different, are you wearing a disguise?"

Iruka blinked. "No, I'm just not wearing a uniform." _I really must spend too much time working if that's their reaction. I guess that's kind of sad._

"Why not?"

"Yeah, why aren't you teaching us anymore, Iruka-sensei? Shika-sensei is _boring,_" Moegi whined. "You are coming back, right?"

"No." Iruka let go of Konohamaru and dusted the boy's back, smiling sadly. "I am not allowed to teach anymore."

"Is it because you're fucking that silver-haired faggot, Boss's sensei?" Konohamaru asked.

Iruka gaped. "Where the hell did you learn those words?"

Konohamaru shrugged. "Everybody knows 'em, Iruka-sensei. Don't you know what it means?"

"Yes, I –" Iruka ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly. "Just don't use either of those F words again, okay? They're hurtful and nasty."

Konohamaru pouted. "But all the adults are calling him a faggot, though."

Iruka crouched down, dropping his groceries, and grabbed the insolent child by the shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eye. "You do know what 'faggot' means, right? Because if you're calling Kakashi that you may as well be calling me that too."

"It's a bad word?" Udon asked, eyes huge and worried behind his glasses. "Won't Kakashi-san hurt us if he finds out we're calling him names?"

Iruka sighed heavily and rubbed his temples. "No, Kakashi won't hurt you, because he's a gentle person. But you are hurting him, and you're also hurting me. How would you feel if I called you Four-Eyes," he looked at Udon, "Carrot-Stick," he looked at Moegi, "And Irritating-Sarutobi?" He glared at Konohamaru. "It's not a nice feeling to be made fun of for something that you can't change about yourself, is it?"

The three children shook their heads guiltily. "So what does it actually mean?" Moegi asked hesitantly.

Iruka frowned. "I thought you said you knew what it meant?"

"Well," Konohamaru twisted his fingers together and stared at the ground ashamedly, "I pretended to know because I didn't want you to think I was stupid."

Iruka sighed again. "Please don't use words if you don't know what they mean. What you are saying by using that word is that Kakashi is a bad person for being attracted to men and not women."

Konohamaru pondered this. "So you and Kakashi-sensei are like boyfriend and girlfriend, right? That's what everyone is saying."

Iruka's cheeks coloured. _He's picturing me as the girl, isn't he? Oh well. At least he's trying to understand._ "Yes, something like that. Does it bother you?"

"No way, that makes you even cooler, Sensei!" Konohamaru's eyes were shining. "Kakashi-sensei is like, totally cool and strong and famous and stuff. That means if you're close to him you must be awesome as well!"

Iruka rocked back on his heels, surprised but flattered. "I'll make sure to tell him you said that."

"So when are you going to come back and teach us?" Moegi asked.

"I'm not," Iruka replied, dredging up a smile from kami-knows-where. Their persistent idiocy and failure to understand was starting to grate on his nerves. _How many times do I have to explain this? _"Your parents and many of the other students parents do not approve of my relationship with Kakashi-sensei and because of it don't want me to teach you."

"But you don't ever talk to us about Kakashi-sensei," Konohamaru complained. "It makes no sense."

"That's what I think, kiddo," Iruka said heavily, ruffling the boy's hair, "But it's not my choice. I'll see you kids when you become genin, okay?"

He waved goodbye and left quickly, barely remembering to snatch up his groceries. _Kami, they're so – how can they understand when their parents just can't? At least I know they care about me. I – I didn't even scold them for not going to school! I guess that's not really my problem anymore, but still. They really shouldn't be cutting their own education short like that._

Iruka shook his head at himself and headed back to his apartment. _I guess I should check on Kotetsu and Izumo, make sure they haven't died._

**o0o**

"Iruka-sensei seemed kinda down," Moegi said, and Udon nodded fervently. "Is he really not going to teach us anymore?"

"Shika-sensei never yells at me," Konohamaru said dejectedly. "He never yells at _anyone._ It's boring."

"Even when you did the sexy no jutsu in front of him he just pretended like it never happened," Moegi agreed.

"Maybe he likes guys too, if he doesn't get affected by the sexy jutsu?" Konohamaru suggested. "Naruto-niichan always said he could never get it to work on Kakashi-sensei."

Udon wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. "I don't think Shika-sensei likes boys _or_ girls. He's probably one of those weird people who just like themselves."

"It doesn't matter." Konohamaru slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand. "We got to work out a plan to get Iruka-sensei back."

Moegi sighed loudly. "But none of your plans ever work. We need to find someone smarter."

"My plans do too work," Konohamaru shot back, and Moegi poked her tongue out at him.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Guys…" Udon shuffled from foot to foot, unsure if it was wise to butt in.

"Do too times a thousand."

"Do not times infinity."

"Maybe we should ask Hanabi-chan?" Udon put forth timidly.

Konohamaru folded his arms across his chest, jutting his chin towards the sky. "Who needs to ask a Hyūga for help? I'm the Sandaime's grandson. _I'm_ the best."

"Hanabi's much smarter than you," Moegi pointed out. "And we need heaps of people on our side, right? Adults never listen to kids."

"Fine." Konohamaru sulked. "But I'm still the leader."

**o0o**

It had taken him three hours to get Kotetsu and Izumo to leave his apartment, and though he was thoroughly exasperated with them Iruka knew they were only sticking around because they cared and were worried about him. That and they wanted to find out how far he'd gone with Kakashi.

As soon as Izumo had woken up he'd started probing gently, asking seemingly innocuous questions that were slowly leading into dangerous territory. He might have succeeded had Kotetsu not awoken and immediately asked, "Did you sleep with him yet?"

By some extreme show of willpower Iruka managed not to blush and instead kicked him soundly out the door. He didn't usually hide things from his friends, but for now he'd rather keep what had happened with Kakashi between them, like some sort of delicious secret. And he'd rather not have heard Kotetsu's parting, "Kakashi-san is _totally_ a seme."

As soon as they were gone he almost wished they'd come back. His apartment felt almost empty without them, although he refused to admit to himself that he was lonely. Deciding quickly that it would be embarrassing, not to mention boring, to sit around the house like a lonely widow, Iruka tied his hair up tighter and set a determined look on his face. He was going to clean.

Four hours later his entire apartment was spotless, the tiles in his kitchen scrubbed meticulously with a toothbrush and his windows so clear birds were flying into them. Looking around his decidedly sparkling living space Iruka put his head in his hands and wailed, "What on earth am I supposed to _do_ with all this free time?"

**o0o**

Four days later saw Iruka lying facedown on his bed, flipping through the pages of _Forty Days at Sea: My Pirate Adventure,_ his face beet red. After thirty seconds of staring in horror at the page he'd landed on he threw the book on the floor and buried his head under his pillow, hoping it'd remove everything he'd read from his brain. It almost felt like his mind had been raped. _Hot, throbbing meat sword of love? Why would anyone refer to their – just why? I will never, _ever _steal one of Kakashi's books again._

He had seldom left his apartment since he'd gone shopping that day Izumo and Kotetsu had stayed over, not because he was afraid to, but because he just didn't want to see people. He had organized his book collection into alphabetical order by title, then reorganized it into reverse alphabetical by author surname before returning the shelves to their original order; sorted by genre.

After that he'd cleaned out his closet, gaining a nice big black sack of old clothes to donate down at the shelter, and arranged his clothes by colour. That didn't take very long because most of his clothes were simply his navy blue uniform, to his dismay. Then he'd rearranged his entire kitchen, double washing all his dishes until they sparkled.

It had gotten to the point where he was slowly going insane, which was probably why he hadn't immediately dismissed the ludicrous notion of seeing what made Icha Icha so amazing that Kakashi toted it around with him everywhere he went the moment the idea had come to him. Feeling slightly naughty and more than a little embarrassed he'd grabbed the first book he'd seen on the bookshelf that took up most of Kakashi's living room and then ran straight home with his guilty prize. Of course, he'd managed to grab a 'fake' Icha Icha – a gay romance novel encased in the famous orange cover. A gay _pirate_ romance novel, where they referred to their penises as different types of weaponry as if they were going to use them to duel with.

_I really, really hope that Kakashi doesn't get off on that type of thing. I don't think I could –_ Iruka shuddered at the thought of a naked Kakashi wearing a wide-brimmed feather-touting hat, brandishing a long sword. _Never again. Never again. He can read whatever the hell he likes so long as he doesn't force it on me._

Someone banged on his door and he jumped, irrationally afraid it was someone come to take him away for 'indulging' in such awful porn. The person banged again, so he slithered off the bed and hurried to open the door, only to see a masked ANBU member staring back at him. Iruka blinked, confused. Last time he checked he didn't get visits from ANBU.

"Tsunade-sama wishes to see you," the masked man said in a clipped tone.

Iruka glanced down at himself, realizing he wasn't really fit to visit the Hokage in his old t-shirt and stained uniform pants. "Should I be wearing my uniform?"

"She said as soon as possible. You come as you are."

_That's an order, not a request. I must be in trouble. _"Ah. Alright." He moved to put on his sandals but the ANBU stopped him.

"I will transport you."

_It's so important that we don't have time to run there? It must be really bad._ The masked man gripped him in such a way that told Iruka he really didn't want to touch him, and let go as soon as they arrived in the Hokage's office. Iruka stumbled, unused to the method of transportation.

From the way the room reeked of sake and the conspicuous pile of bottles in the corner it was obvious something was weighing heavily on the current Hokage's mind. She tipped her current bottle – which she was currently drinking straight from – towards Iruka, golden eyes narrowed. "What do you know about B.I.B.O.E?"

"Bibbo?" Iruka frowned. "Is that some sort of small fluffy animal?"

"No, you fool, it's an organization." Tsunade took another swig from her bottle.

Iruka quickly ran through all the reasons she could be telling him this and his face paled as he arrived at the most logical solution. "It's the group Kakashi's been sent to dispatch, isn't it? Has he been captured?"

Tsunade blinked at him, her lips curling up slowly until she finally broke out into a hearty laugh. "You have _no idea_, do you? That's almost – Kami, Iruka, you're almost cute with your hair down like that and that bewildered expression on your face."

Iruka, in turn, looked even more bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

"B.I.B.O.E has nothing to do with the brat, Iruka-sensei. It's an organization set up by a snot-nosed bunch of little terrors called Bring Iruka-sensei Back – Or Else."

Iruka just stared at her. His knees were shaking so badly he didn't even want to breathe in case he collapsed.

"You still don't understand, do you?" Tsunade let out a long, sake-flavoured sigh. "Every single pre-genin brat from your class, as well as a large number from other classes, has put their life on standstill. They are refusing to eat, work or talk until I reinstate you as a teacher. And seeing as I have had complaints from many of the parents of said brats I have no choice but to return this to you."

She held up a form Iruka vaguely recognized as a teaching certificate, a small smile playing over her lips. "What do you say, Iruka-_sensei_? Would you like your classroom back?"

Iruka was over the desk in seconds, faster than even the ANBU could react. He wrapped his arms around her neck, tears blurring his vision. "Thank you," he said in a small, trembling voice, "Thank you so much."

**o0o**

"Maybe you should have taken the original Ino-Shika-Cho team," Kakashi joked, trying to breathe as shallowly as possible as Shikaku wrapped screeds of bandage around his chest, the red of his insides a stark contrast to his pale skin.

"It's easier to sneak two people out of a place like that than three," was the jōnin commander's only answer before he moved away to bandage his own leg. "You wouldn't get hurt like that if you didn't jump out in front of people and bear the brunt of attacks not meant for you."

Kakashi leaned back against the tree, careful not to move too quickly to save his aching chest more unnecessary pain. "Maa, it's only the same as you did for me by asking me on this mission." He coughed, his diaphragm obviously not happy with him attempting to speak so much, and wiped the blood that sprayed onto his hand off on the grass, hoping that Shikaku didn't notice. "We're in trouble, aren't we? Konoha, I mean."

He didn't ask because he didn't know the answer; he wasn't stupid. He'd seen it in the dead eyes of the shinobi they'd been pitted against, in the greed of the man who sent them and in his undeniable wealth of resources. He asked simply because to keep talking meant to distract himself from the pain, even if only momentarily.

Shikaku didn't answer because he knew he didn't have to. Instead he stood up, stretching his injured leg, and held his hand out for Kakashi to grab onto. "You ready to push on?" he asked, as if they had a choice.

Kakashi nodded.

**o0o**

_I'm pretty sure I promised Naruto in this chapter but I spent too much time waffling over Iruka's teacher woes and I don't want to make the chapter lengths differ too much, so he'll come in next time. Until then, ja ne!_


	12. Relief

_River Country is a small-ish country between the borders of Wind (where Suna is) and Fire (Konoha's country)_

**o0o**

Iruka was walking on air. Some punk had scrawled the words 'eat shit, homo' all over his whiteboard but he'd got in early enough to wipe it all off before his class arrived, and he was still buzzing on the fact that it was _his_ whiteboard, in _his_ classroom. He'd never felt so much affection for his brats before.

They'd made him a 'welcome back' sign, obviously without adult supervision, and given him a bunch of flowers that looked like they'd been stolen from various gardens (some of them still have dirt clinging to their roots). He'd had to scold them for that, but in truth it made him feel all the more appreciated. All too often children thanked him insincerely at the prompting of their parents, and this had come straight from their own little hearts.

Konohamaru purposefully set his desk on fire and sat through his scolding with a gigantic grin on his face. When Iruka finally ran out of breath he said, "Thank you Iruka-sensei. When I did that to Shika-sensei he just made me sit on the floor and it was boring," slipped out of his seat and ran off.

Iruka watched him go and wondered, exasperated, whether he should have a talk with Shikamaru about discipline methods. Even if his punishments were mostly born of laziness they seemed to upset his most troublesome student more successfully than an old fashioned yelling session did.

Still, he couldn't feel too mad at the kid. He was just looking for attention, and Iruka felt weirdly honoured that it was his attention Konohamaru wanted. _Maybe I should take him out to ramen sometime. He's a lot like Naruto and I bet he misses the Sandaime._

He grinned to himself as he packed all his papers back into his bag. Tomorrow he'd give them weapons practice all afternoon as a treat, and devise some way of making the morning lecture into a game so they enjoyed it. They deserved it, after all, and if they were enjoying it they'd learn it faster.

Unlike the students, the teachers didn't seem very keen to have him back. When he passed Iwashi in the hall the man blatantly ignored him, striding on past as if he wasn't standing there waving. He'd eaten his lunch alone in his classroom, surrounded by outdated lesson plans and old unmarked tests. It was depressing, but he had enough on his mind to take away from the loneliness. He was excited for Kakashi to come back – he wouldn't even dream of holding the notion that the jōnin might _not_ come back – so he could tell him about his class' touching display of support.

Besides, it wasn't like he wasn't used to this. He tended to eat lunch alone more often than not anyway, because he always had tests to mark, papers to order, or lesson plans to tweak. He enjoyed his short break from the noisy bustle of his class, it allowed him to collect his thoughts and calm his mind, and he couldn't do that if he had to deal with the inane chatter that plagued the teacher's lounge.

_But still… _It wouldn't hurt for just _one_ teacher to say 'welcome back', would it? There was no way they could have missed that he was fired and why he was fired, given what a juicy piece of gossip that was, and it kind of hurt that not one of his colleagues had the courage to come and talk to him. _I have the kids, though. They believe in me. _His own consolation fell rather flat and Iruka buried his head in his hands. _Too bad children are a useless replacement for adult conversation._

He packed the last papers away slowly and did an unnecessarily thorough check of the classroom's cleanliness, refusing to admit to himself that he was taking so long in the hopes that it would give at least one person the chance to come and say they still cared about him. All he got was a pitying look from Hyūga Hanabi as she left, which gave him chills. _That kid definitely understands way too much._

His walk to the front doors was just as slow, and just an uneventful. _You're just setting yourself up for disappointment here, Umino, _he told himself roughly. _Besides, you get Kakashi out of this, don't you? And you already decided that he's worth it._

Iruka grinned happily and unconsciously stepped up his pace._ Yes, I get Kakashi. Sharingan no Kakashi, master of a thousand jutsu. Konoha's one and only Copy-ninja. _It was difficult to match up the Kakashi he'd come to know over the past few weeks with the grand names that preceded him, and Iruka found he didn't even want to try. Kakashi was Kakashi, and that was all he ever needed to be.

"Well, well. Look what we have here."

Iruka stopped short and turned to where the voice was coming from, senses on high alert. Three shinobi he vaguely recognized from the mission room leered at him. _This is not good._

The biggest of the three stepped towards him, scratching his chin and grinning widely. "He's like a scared little mouse, in't he?"

Iruka refused to step back, though he could tell by the way the men held themselves that they were all at least tokubetsu jōnin level. "What do you want with me?"

"We just wanna have a little chat, that's all," the main spokesman said, pushing further into his personal space. "Just wanna get to know you a little better."

"I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now." By sheer determination Iruka kept his voice level and cold. "You'll have to catch up with me later."

One of the men laughed, a grating, bitter sound, and it sent chills through the slowly panicking chūnin. _They won't do anything, we're in Konoha and it's broad daylight. _He steadfastly ignored the fact that though it was mid-afternoon and the sun was still shining cheerfully he'd merrily walked himself down a deserted backstreet while he was busy thinking about his new lover.

"That just won't do," the leader said, shaking his head and making a disappointed 'tsk'ing noise with his tongue. "You see, we're very busy people too, and our schedule is only open now."

Iruka folded his arms across his chest and summoned up his best 'ticked off' face. "Well, what did you want to talk about then?"

The two lackeys looked surprised; obviously they'd expected him to be quivering in his sandals right about now. Iruka grinned inwardly despite the situation. Destroying people's preconceived opinions of him was one of his favourite things to do.

The leader stood still, seeming to step back and look at him properly for the first time. "You've got guts, kid, I'll give you that. And you're kind of cute too, for a guy."

Iruka objected to being called _cute_ and even more to being labeled a _kid_ but he was smart enough to refrain from saying so. "Is that all you wanted to speak to me about? Because if so, I need to get home."

"Oh, you're not going home," the biggest man leered, and Iruka realized quite suddenly that he really should have been paying attention to what was going on around him rather than getting angry. They had him surrounded, and their expressions were far from pleasant. _Think, Iruka. You have to get out of this._

**o0o**

_Safety. Warmth. Home. _Kakashi barely remembered to push up his hitai ate to study the traps webbed across the windowpane before touching it, and thanked whatever god was listening that Iruka kept his traps simple in case of student invasion. He didn't have enough chakra or cognitive power to deal with anything more complex.

Pushing up the frame he gracelessly jerked his body through the window, stumbled across the room and collapsed on the couch. He breathed in deeply, upsetting his tentatively set ribs and causing a bout of coughing that made his chest hurt even more. Somehow, even though his body hurt to the point of passing out, he felt rather calm. _It smells like him in here. I'm safe._

He ripped his shirt off with fumbling fingers, thinking it was ironically helpful that it had been slashed almost to ribbons because he would never have been able to pull it over his head in the state he was in.

It was a lot easier to breathe without the material constricting his torso, but the lack of clothing also gave him a unobstructed view of the bandages holding him together and he was absolutely _sure _they hadn't been that sickening wine colour when Shikaku had wrapped him up. _I should change them,_ he thought drowsily, his mind going slack now that he was no longer pressing himself to stay awake and get home. _Iruka really shouldn't see me like this, it's embarrassing._

**o0o**

_Am I going to be raped?_ Iruka knew he wasn't weak, but he also knew what he was capable of. Winning against three jōnin at once while he was weaponless was unfortunately not something that was ever going to happen. _I guess I have to try anyway. I can't just stand here and take it. _"What do you want from me?" he asked again.

The leader of the thugs shrugged. "We heard you've been getting rather… pally with the Copy-nin lately. It's safe to say he cares about you a lot, right?"

Iruka blinked, confused, and tried to work out the chances of climbing up the drainpipe behind him and getting out onto the busy main street before he was caught. "What?"

"Hatake-san." The leader spat on the ground and his followers growled menacingly. "He's a disgrace to shinobi everywhere with his lazy slouch and his porn and the way he's always late for everything. And still it's _him_ who gets recognition for being a 'brilliant mind' and a 'prodigy'."

"Kakashi isn't lazy," Iruka blurted, before realizing that he should have kept his big mouth shut and just let them have at it. Still, he couldn't help it. It angered him more than he'd thought possible to hear people slagging off the jōnin who'd done nothing but work for the village his entire life.

The leader snarled and spat at his feet. "That stupid faggot even had all the good lookin' girls fawning over him, going 'oooh, he's so handsome and mysterious' when you can't even see his fucking face. Up 'til now we couldn't do anything about it because he never had any weaknesses. But now he cares about _you._"

Iruka's heart dropped through to the pit of his stomach and huddled, upset, beside the churning contents of his lunch. _That means that they see me – everyone sees me – just as Kakashi's biggest weakness. They want to hurt me as a way to hurt him. I can't let that happen. _"Kakashi doesn't care about me as a person," he said brazenly, willing his voice to stay steady, "I'm just a convenient sucker who'll give him a nice bed to sleep in and put food on the table. I care about him but… he just uses that to his advantage."

He could only hope that the lie would stop here and not get blown out of proportion. He really didn't want Kakashi to be seen as an asshole, but if that was what would keep people from thinking they could get to the jōnin through him then so be it. It wasn't for himself that he followed this line of reasoning, but rather for the fact that Kakashi _would_ follow if he was ever kidnapped or tortured, and he didn't want to be the reason for the Copy-nin's death or capture. He didn't think he could deal with the guilt.

The jōnin snorted. "He's more of a dick than we thought. Sorry to do this, but I think we should rough you up anyway. You should thank us. That way you won't have to be his little manservant anymore, because you won't be able to move well enough to cook for him."

_Shit. They want to use me as a sacrifice anyway because they don't have any way to get to him. I'm just a way to let off steam. I'm not going to be able to keep them talking for much longer; I have to find a way out. _"Kakashi's not that bad. He just doesn't have any feelings because he's been a weapon for so long." _I'm so sorry, Kakashi._

"Oh yeah?" One of the smaller thugs cracked his knuckles and swung his fist towards Iruka's head.

Iruka ducked the punch on impulse, causing the jōnin to swear and twist his face into an ugly grimace. "It'll be much better for you if you just stand still and take it," the thug growled. "We might even go easier on you then."

_What do I have that could help me? _Iruka desperately listed the contents of his bag in his head, trying to find something that would be of use. He never took weapons to school because the little brats seemed to have a sharp object radar and once they'd located a weapon their favourite thing to do was steal it and then tear up his classroom. _All I have are test papers, an empty bento box, a collection of pens that are running out of ink, and that set of paint bombs Konohamaru tired to prank me with before he did that trick with his desk. _Iruka paused in thought. _Konohamaru, I love you so much right now._

"Don't take this personally," the leader grunted, taking Iruka by surprise and managing to kick his legs out from underneath him. Iruka didn't bother trying to protect himself, and landed harder than he thought he would. He put on his best scared, desperate expression – not that it was difficult – and let his hands shake and he pushed them into his satchel. "Could I – would you take money instead? I have a bit on me."

He was quite proud of the way his voice trembled, and felt a sliver of rage shoot through him when the jōnin laughed. "You're so pathetic! I can see why that bastard Hatake likes keeping you around."

"Please don't hurt me," he begged, fingers finally closing around the small round pellets he'd been so annoyed to find just a few hours ago.

The jōnin shook his head in disgust. "Geez, they let just about anyone become chūnin these days. No wonder all you're good for is to be a little house maid."

Iruka twisted into a crouch and tossed the pellets into the air, releasing the seals on them with a few quick hand signs. The jōnin staggered back, not having expected any resistance, hands over their faces. "Shit, it's in my eyes! I think I'm blind!"

"It stings, is it poison?"

"It doesn't matter, go after him!"

Iruka ran, not looking back. It was an elementary trick and he hated setting himself up to look so useless, but he would never have even gotten his hand inside his bag if they'd had any suspicion that he would fight back. He stayed on the road rather than moving to the rooftops, and when he reached the main street he tugged the tie out of his hair and pulled off his jacket and hitai ate, stashing them in his satchel. Given that people he knew hadn't recognized him without his proper uniform on and his hair tied up he figured three brutes who barely knew him could be fooled by it if he pulled his chakra in close.

He didn't really think they'd be stupid enough to follow him out onto the busy street but he also knew they'd be mad because he'd managed to trick them, and his heart was pounding like crazy. He forced himself to slow down to a casual stroll, and created a clone henged to look like a non-descript male civilian to walk along beside him, ignoring the confused stares people shot his way. _I'll get home and then I can forget all about this._

"You can't just ignore this, you know," his clone pointed out, and Iruka was startled from his thoughts. _Is he reading my mind? No, he was just thinking the same thing I was and decided to be more of a realist about it._

"I know. I'll think of something later, okay? First I've got to find somewhere to hide my bag."

"I'll carry it for you," the clone said, lifting it over his head with ease. "Think about it now, because if you don't you'll keep putting it off and end up in the same situation again."

Iruka took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. "Right. I hate it when my clone's mind works faster than mine."

**o0o**

"Iiiiii-ruka-sensei!"

Kakashi jolted awake and then groaned in pain. He could swear he could feel his ribs rubbing together. _Where am I? Oh, that's right. I broke into Iruka's house. _He frowned. _I wonder where he is._

"Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei! I'm back!"

There was only one person that _that_ annoyingly exuberant voice could belong to. Kakashi closed his eyes again. _If I pretend I'm dead, maybe he'll go away._

"Iruka-sen – Kaka-sensei, what are _you_ doing here?"

Kakashi lifted a rubbery hand to his face and covered his eyes with it. "I could ask the same of you, brat," he rasped, and then wished he hadn't said anything. His throat felt like it was lined with barbed wire.

"Hey, you're injured!" The voice sounded suitably alarmed. "Kaka-sensei, why aren't you in hospital?"

"Hospital doesn't want me," Kakashi gritted out.

"Sakura-chan's training to be a medi-nin, right? I'll go get her for you."

Kakashi used strength he didn't even know he had to jump up and grab the younger nin's arm to keep him from running back out the door. "Naruto, don't. Shit." The movement was too much for him after all, and he bent nearly double hacking up his insides.

"Kaka-sensei, sit down!" Naruto practically pushed him back down onto the couch and ran off to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water. "I'm – I'm gonna go get some help, okay? You need someone to fix this."

"Please – don't." Kakashi's hands were shaking around the glass and he feared he was going to drop it. His fingers were flecked with the lurid red of fresh blood and he had the horrible feeling that he'd just decorated Iruka's living room floor with that same colour. "Iruka will – " _Iruka will what?_ He didn't actually know what kind of medical training Iruka had, if any, he just knew that Iruka being there would make him feel better. _Am I being selfish, coming here?_

"Kaka-sensei, you really should go to hospital." Naruto was biting his lip, his clear blue eyes wide and worried. "I don't want you to die."

"Not gonna die," Kakashi wheezed. "Had worse. You – why are you here?" If he could just get the kid talking about himself then hopefully he'd forget all about his sensei being injured and get wrapped up in his own stories. "Don't – don't tell Iruka I swore."

"Apparently there's a new mixed onsen opening up around here," Naruto said, rolling his eyes. "Ero-sennin wanted to check it out for 'research'. Why are you in Iruka-sensei's house? I didn't know you were friends."

"Iruka is very kind," Kakashi said, the words tearing at his throat. He didn't know what else to say, because it hurt to talk and the situation surrounding his and Iruka's relationship would be difficult to explain in a few words. Besides, he didn't have the strength to deal with telling the kid that 1) his favourite teacher/older brother was interested in men, 2) that he was currently dreaming of banging said teacher and 3) the rest of the village had a massive chip on their shoulder about it. It would be much better if Iruka did it, because Naruto would be far less likely to punch his wonderful 'nii-san'.

"He is, right?" Naruto grinned. "Iruka-sensei was so nice to me even when everyone else wasn't. He gets mad lots, but then he takes me out to have ramen. And he pays for me, unlike you. Hey, you should take me out to have ramen so that I won't tell Iruka-sensei you swore in front of me."

"Uhuh." Kakashi tipped his head back against the couch and slid his butt to the edge of the seat in an attempt to keep his torso straightened. He was starting to feel kind of dizzy.

"Yosh!" Naruto pumped his fist in the air. "Oh, but only when you're feeling better."

Kakashi would have laughed if it didn't hurt so much. _Feeling better? As if I'm sick? I hope this kid never has to grow up._

"That's a stupid idea. How much of my brain do you have, anyway? Because right now it seems like you got nothing," a familiar voice growled.

Naruto's ears perked up and he bounded over to the door. _Just like a puppy,_ Kakashi thought, smiling wryly. _If he had a tail he'd be wagging it off right now._

"Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei!"

Naruto launched himself into the air and landed in a surprised Iruka's arms. Iruka blinked stupidly a couple of times, and then grinned delightedly, hugging him. "Naruto! What are you doing back? I thought you were going to travel with Jiraiya-sama for longer than this."

"Nah, ero-sennin wanted to come back for a little while so I wanted to come and see you. I've learned so much and I'm really strong now, though. He taught me this special move that the Yondaime made up, it's really cool. And I can summon toads – well, tadpoles, but ero-sennin says if I practice more I'll be able to get the bigger ones. Hey, why is Kaka-sensei on your couch?"

"That's great, Naruto, could you let me actually come inside though?" Iruka shuffled sideways a bit, trying to get past the blond obstruction, before the words actually sunk in. 'Wait, did you just say Kakashi's here?"

"Yeah, he's all banged up but he won't go to the hospital and he won't let me get Sakura-chan to help him 'cause he's stubborn. You should tell him, Iruka-sensei. He might listen to you."

Iruka darted around the couch and drew in his breath at the sight of Kakashi. "Sakura – "

"Doesn't approve," Kakashi said roughly, starting himself off on another round of wet coughing. He didn't want to hear that name again, because it brought up images of her pale, accusing face, reminding him that even his students no longer cared for him, if they ever did in the first place. Naruto – Naruto didn't know yet, but it was only a matter of time.

"Kakashi, I can't fix this. You need to get Tsunade," Iruka paused. Neither of them really wanted to see their Hokage after what she'd said. "Well, I can try. But if I do it you're going to scar. I've only ever done minor chakra healing before."

Iruka's face was almost as pale as Sakura's had been, and it scared Kakashi a lot more. He didn't think it was wise to speak again so he simply nodded, knowing Iruka would understand. He was loyal to Konoha and because of that loyal to the Hokage, but that didn't mean he had to like her.

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei, when did you and Kaka-sensei start being friends? I don't remember ever seeing you together," Naruto asked, bouncing up and down. In his mind Iruka being there made everything find again. "And who is this guy?"

"I'll explain in a bit, okay? I need to look after Kakashi-sensei first. And that guy is just a clone." He nodded in the direction of the man he'd been arguing with, then turned to Kakashi. "Can you stand?"

Leaning heavily on the couch Kakashi pushed himself up enough so that Iruka could get an arm around him. Iruka's clone shifted silently to the jōnin's other side and between them they carried him to the bathroom. Kakashi attempted a protest but was cut off by Iruka's, "Save your throat, baka," and graciously accepted that he might as well just let the chūnin do whatever he wanted because he wasn't capable of resisting.

Iruka shifted Kakashi in his arms so he was holding most of the jōnin's weight and glanced at his clone. "Get me some towels and the first aid kit, 'kay?"

Kakashi rested his head against Iruka's shoulder and closed his eyes. He was dizzy and tired and it hurt to breathe but now that he had his Iruka he was no longer too worried about the fact that his chest had been torn open. He almost laughed at himself. _Kami, I have the same crazy mindset as Naruto, that Iruka equals safety. I must be getting soft. But really, I could die right here and be happy._

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei? What can I do?"

"Nothing right now, Naruto." Iruka's clone returned with the items requested and set the first aid kit down beside the sink before laying the towels he'd brought out on the floor. "Well, actually, would you mind going to Ichiraku's and asking Teuchi if he'd make some soup? Kakashi needs to eat but I don't think he should have anything solid. You can get yourself some ramen too, if you like."

Naruto nodded eagerly. "Of course!"

Iruka smiled tiredly, pushing his hair back behind his ear. "Thank you. My wallet is in my bag, okay?"

The boy ran off to do his allotted task with much enthusiasm, and Iruka returned his focus to his battered lover. "I need you on the floor, but it'll be painful to get you there. You up for it?"

_I'll get on the floor for you any time, Sensei, _Kakashi's mind purred, but the pain of speaking was so much that he didn't want to risk voicing his thoughts. _Iruka would probably hit me for saying that anyway, injured or no, so that's probably a good thing._ Instead, he nodded.

Iruka sucked in his breath. "You're going to have to trust me." With the help of his clone he turned the jōnin so he was facing away from them, and laid his hands just below his shoulder blades, fingers facing towards his butt. "Lean back, take the weight off your feet. I promise I won't drop you."

Kakashi reluctantly did as he was asked, feeling strangely detached and maybe a little frightened as Iruka lowered him to the floor. It wasn't that he didn't trust the chūnin, because he did, but more that he didn't think that he'd ever been in a situation where he'd been so dependent on one person before. Even when he'd been staying with Iruka the first time if he'd the inclination to he could have walked out. It wouldn't have been pleasant going back to his cold apartment and living off whatever Pakkun deemed fit to bring him, but he could have done it and had done it many times before.

This though – this was different. He had placed himself in Iruka's hands, trusting blindly with no knowledge of what the chūnin could do medically, and ended up here. Here, right at this moment, he was helpless. If a real threat appeared he could summon the last of his strength to fight it, because that's what he was trained to do, but if Iruka had decided to drop him he would simply have fallen, unable to do anything to protect himself.

He watched curiously as Iruka cut through the bandages, his hands warm and gentle on his stomach. The clone handed Iruka bowl of warm water, and Iruka dipped a cloth in it and began to run the material over the bandages still stuck to Kakashi's chest. "You should really have gone to the hospital anyway," Iruka murmured softly. "These are stuck to you, it's going to hurt to get them off."

"Hurts anyway," Kakashi whispered, trying to ignore the pain in this throat. "You're… more gentle."

Iruka chuckled. "I guess, but I don't have the medical experience they do. Don't talk if it hurts." Very slowly he peeled off the remaining bandages, the warm water loosening the dried, crusted blood and helping it come off cleanly, with only a little sticking and a grimace from Kakashi.

"It doesn't look as bad as I thought it was," Iruka mused, eyeing the bright gash across the jōnin's chest, "Which means most of your pain's probably coming from internal damage. You've probably fractured your ribs." Iruka bit his lip and huffed in frustration. "I'm sorry. I can sterilize and close the wound but I can't fix anything else. I'm going to have to get Tsunade-sama."

**o0o**

"Where the hell is he?" Tsunade fumed, eyes spitting fire.

Shikaku shrugged lazily. "Last I remember is passing out in the forest, then waking up here. He should be here too, I think he cracked a couple of ribs and he must have carried me home. I was more worried about him than myself, to be honest, which is why I didn't realize I'd been poisoned until just before I blacked out."

Tsunade glared and muttered angrily, "Stupid brat thinks he's invincible, always refusing hospital treatment."

"He wouldn't exactly be treated too kindly if he did show up though, would he?" Shikaku pointed out. "I wouldn't want to come here if I were him."

Tsunade scowled and folded her arms across her chest defiantly, but even she had to admit that Kakashi had every reason not to trust the hospital staff. _And you're not exactly someone he'd like to see either,_ a little voice in the back of her head niggled. She pushed it away roughly. She had no time for guilt. "Report, shinobi," she barked.

Shikaku sighed heavily. "Nara Shikaku, jōnin, registration oh-oh-five-four-nine-one. Mission completed successfully. Band of seven shinobi of various rank were disposed of after learning they were ordered to stir up trouble by the Wind Country's Daimyo. The daimyo is extremely well protected, and Kakashi and I only managed to get through a couple of layers before getting caught and having to fight our way out. If we'd gotten much further we probably wouldn't have been able to get out."

Tsunade frowned. "Why would a daimyo need to be so heavily protected?"

"He lives in an extremely large building that appears to have levels even underground. We watched for two days and only ever saw men go in. No one came out." Shikaku scratched his forehead. "The men that did go in didn't seem to be doing so by choice, and it may be related to the fact that the only males we saw in many of the towns in River Country were either children or elderly."

"So he's either creating an army or selling slaves." Tsunade's brow wrinkled in thought. "Is this not River Country's problem, or Suna's? In either case, is this man really a threat to Konoha?"

"It seems he has placed rouge shinobi 'bandits' all around River Country's borders in an attempt to stop people from going through there. It would be extremely inconvenient if we were no longer able to safely travel through River Country. He is collecting Missing Nin for this job, some quite high class, and having Missing Nin join forces could get quite troublesome."

Tsunade sighed. "I guess I have to do something about it, then. I'll send someone to Suna to warn the Kazekage and ask him for any information he has on the daimyo."

"Can you trust the Kazekage?" Shikaku asked.

"Gaara?" Tsunade thought about it. "Yes, I do trust him. He's got a way to go, but he's got his head set on straight. How's the leg?"

Shikaku swung his legs over the side of the hospital bed and twitched the one that had been injured. "It's fine."

"Then could you write down everything you've found out about the daimyo and give it to a runner as soon as possible? I want to check on the brat and make sure he hasn't managed to kill himself."

"Tch, troublesome," Shikaku muttered, but nodded anyway. "He'll be at Iruka-sensei's place."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Of _course_ that's where he'd be."

**o0o**

"Hey, Iruka-sensei, I got the soup! Oh, and I got you some ramen too. You still like it, right?"

Iruka grinned at the boy and ruffled his hair. "You haven't been gone for _that_ long, Naruto. Of course I still like it. Kakashi, would you like some soup?"

"Eat later. Sleep now." Kakashi already had his eyes closed and was lying flat on his back on Iruka's bed, breathing in the familiar and comforting scents of Iruka and ramen.

"Ah, okay." Now that he looked properly Iruka could have kicked himself for not seeing the signs of chakra exhaustion earlier. Having worked the missions' desk for so long and seeing shinobi after shinobi nearly collapse in front of him he knew the signs, and he should have remembered that Kakashi was infamous for completely depleting his reserves. He cupped the jōnin's chin in his hand briefly, smiling softly. "Baka, you should look after yourself better."

Iruka reached over the bed to pull the curtains shut, and then turned and tugged on Naruto's arm. "We should let Kakashi-sensei rest for a while, ne?"

"Yeah."

The boy seemed oddly subdued as he wandered back into the living room, and Iruka wondered if maybe Naruto had figured it out and wasn't happy that he was together with Kakashi. A cold hand squeezed his chest at the thought of Naruto rejecting him and he had to fight to remind himself that it was just introspection to stop himself from panicking.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei? What's up with you and Kaka-sensei?" Naruto asked as they sat down to eat.

Iruka felt his cheeks heating up just at the thought of explaining what was going on, and barely managed a stuttered, "W-what?"

"Hmm, well," Naruto tapped his chopsticks against his chin and adopted a 'thinking hard' expression. "You seemed really really worried about him and he was here and stuff. He usually pretends to not be hurt at all, ya'know, but he just let you do whatever with him. You guys must be really good friends, right?"

"Well, not exactly." Iruka rubbed his scar so hard it seemed he was trying to erase it from his face. "Kakashi and I are, well, interested in each other. We're… dating."

Naruto chewed slowly, processing that information. "Huh. So if you're dating, that means you kiss and stuff, right?"

Iruka stared. _Kami, he's not going to ask me about what I've done with Kakashi, is he? _"Wha – why?"

"Because," Naruto said, leaning forward and grasping Iruka's hands, eyes glinting, "That means you've seen his face, right?"

Iruka's nervousness transformed into relieved laughter that he just couldn't stop. _I tell him I'm gay and dating his other teacher and all he cares about is seeing Kakashi's face? _"You – you know that he hasn't been wearing the mask the whole time you've been here, right?"

"Whaa?" Naruto screeched, searching rapidly through his mind for a memory of just a glimpse of the jōnin's bare face. "I didn't see it! I was too busy looking at all the blood!"

He made a break for the bedroom but Iruka yanked him back. "Don't look now, let him sleep. His face will still be there when he wakes up, okay?"

"But he's not gonna let me see it if he's not injured." Naruto pouted.

"He will," Iruka soothed. "I'll tell him to, okay?"

"I guess so." Naruto slunk back to his ramen and started slurping again, sending suspicious gazes at the wall that separated him from Iruka's bedroom.

Iruka sat down too, a little uncertainly. "So, you don't have a problem, then? With us?"

"Eh?" Naruto tore his eyes away from his ramen to blink at Iruka. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Well," Iruka scratched his scar again, eyes on the floor, "Kakashi and I. I mean, we're both guys. It's not, ah, well, some people have a problem with it."

Naruto frowned, and turned uncharacteristically serious eyes onto his favourite sensei. "Ne, Iruka-sensei, are you happy with Kaka-sensei?"

Iruka gave it some serious thought and realized that even with all the problems that had come along with caring about the jōnin he didn't want to go back to being Kakashi-less for anything. "Yes, I am."

Naruto shrugged. "So where's the problem? If you're happy, and he's happy, that's okay, right? You're still my nii-san."

Iruka pulled the boy into a tight hug, barely resisting the urge to cry. "Yes, Naruto. I'll always be your nii-san, and I'll always love you."


	13. Recover

"You've really outdone yourself this time, brat," Tsunade muttered, hands glowing green against Kakashi's bare chest.

Iruka hovered behind her, unsure of what he should do. He didn't like not knowing what to do, and he was worried she'd get angry at him for not forcing Kakashi to go to the hospital. Cracked ribs could heal on their own, but it would have taken weeks and he hadn't been completely sure that that was what was wrong anyway.

The air in the room was thick with his buzzing nervousness and the fog of awkwardness that engulfed him and his Hokage, and he resisted the urge to throw open the window. Being alone in a room with _her_ was not something he ever wanted to experience again. Technically, Kakashi was there too, but seeing as he had finally succumbed to unconsciousness – _Lucky for him, _Iruka thought, _chakra healing's a bitch _– his presence did nothing to lighten the air between his lover and his leader.

Tsunade clapped her hands together and stood up from where she'd been kneeling beside the bed, turning her gaze to Iruka. Iruka stubbornly refused to look her in the eyes and shifted his own gaze to the spot above her right shoulder. "You should have taken him to the hospital, but I can understand why you didn't. He'll be fine; he just needs to rest for a few days. Don't let him get out of bed unless it's to go to the bathroom."

Iruka nodded stiffly, expressionless, still not meeting her eyes. "Hai, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade hesitated before leaving, taking in the lack of warmth in his usually smiling face and feeling uncharacteristically guilty that the change in character was her fault. "It looks like I underestimated you," she said slowly.

Iruka stared blankly and tried not to think about all the different things she could have meant by saying that.

**o0o**

After Tsunade took her leave Iruka sat back down with Naruto, who'd polished off both of their ramen bowls, and half-heartedly listened to him ramble about his 'ero-sennin' and all the bathhouses they'd been kicked out of. He did love the boy and it was good to see him so happy – because he remembered a time when Naruto _didn't_ smile, and constantly wore his defiant face to hide his tears – but he really had too much on his plate to spare the energy needed to properly listen to the wildly exaggerated stories of a thirteen-year-old. That said, he would be having a stern talk with Jiraiya about appropriate activities for young teenage boys.

He still worried about Naruto and whether the boy would grow up properly with a renowned pervert for a mentor, but that was put on the backburner for now. His mind was filled with Kakashi, and what Kakashi would think if he knew that a certain part of the village saw him as the jōnin's one weakness. _It's bad to keep secrets from the people you care about, especially in this situation, _the respectable voice in Iruka's head said, and he mentally scowled at it. _I know that, but nothing good will come out of telling him about this. I'll find a way to deal with it on my own._

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei? It's really not that bad."

Iruka blinked in surprise at Naruto's worried face, pulling himself back into reality, letting out an unintelligible "Uh?"

"I'm here for three more days at least, and I promise I'll write to you," Naruto pleaded. "You have Kaka-sensei now so you won't be as lonely, right?"

_Damn, I must have actually made a face and now he's worried about me. Wait, why is he talking about leaving already? _Iruka dredged up a smile and ruffled the boy's hair. "Don't make decisions based on me, silly. I'll be fine by myself and you really like training with Jiraiya-sensei, right?"

"Yeah!" Naruto nodded eagerly, his worry replaced with excitement. "Ero-sennin is so strong, and he teaches me lots and lots even though I don't always understand." Noticing Iruka's upset look before the chūnin had a chance to hide it he added hastily, "But you'll always be my favourite teacher, Iruka-sensei. And you're also my best nii-san."

Iruka tackle-hugged him, surprised that he didn't feel more abandoned that the kid was leaving again so soon. "I'm your only nii-san, brat. And don't you ever forget it."

Naruto hugged him back with a startling amount of strength. "I always miss you, Iruka-sensei," he said quietly. "And Kaka-sensei, and Sakura-chan, and even Tsunade-baachan sometimes. But I miss Sasuke as well, and I have to train my hardest so I can bring him back."

"All your friends miss you too, Naruto. Have you gone to see them yet?" Iruka neatly avoided the topic of the AWOL Uchiha, afraid to speak about Sasuke in case his feelings of guilt spilled out. _I could have done so much more for that poor boy if I'd realized how he was struggling. I overlooked him because I had Naruto to worry about, and Sasuke always just seemed so competent._

"Ah, no." Naruto pulled out of the embrace looking chastened. "I haven't even gone to tell Sakura-chan I still love her! I came to see Iruka-sensei first." He frowned, wrinkling his nose, and then grinned. "I'm gonna go see Sakura-chan and everyone else, okay? And then I'm gonna come back to see Kaka-sensei's face. Hey, can Sakura-chan come see it too? She wants to know what he looks like as well."

Iruka felt his stomach clench at the mention of Sakura. He didn't know exactly what had happened, but Kakashi had said _Sakura doesn't approve._ It made him feel like he'd failed somewhat as a teacher, raising narrow-minded children. "Kakashi-sensei isn't feeling too well," he said lamely. "You can come back for dinner, but please don't invite anyone else."

"Okay!" Naruto hugged him one more time and then zipped out the door.

Iruka sunk further into his sofa and sighed. It was too bad Sakura wasn't more understanding. Kakashi might try to hide it but he did have feelings for his unruly students, and her refusal to accept him must have hurt. _Maybe I should go talk to her and see what her problem is. She's really a sweet girl at heart, but she's easily led. _Iruka shook his head at himself and chuckled self-depreciatingly. _Who am I kidding, I don't want to do that. I don't want to take the chance that she'll turn up her nose at me as well. Even just the idea of it hurts a lot more than I thought it would._

Images of the pink-haired girl sneering at him in disgust strolled into his head, closely followed by the rest of Naruto's class, and Iruka hit his forehead with the palm of his hand in an attempt to clear his mind. They might not know it, but as the very first students he'd been entrusted to teach their opinions mattered a lot to him. No matter what they went on to do he would never forget any of those children.

_If you keep thinking about this shit you're just going to get upset,_ he told himself crossly. _Go do something constructive. _Deciding that the best plan of action was to get busy, Iruka grabbed a pen and paper off the coffee table and sat back down to make a To Do list. It didn't take more than a moment's thought for him to realize that there was nothing for him 'To Do'. While he'd been off work he'd pretty much sterilized his entire apartment and he hadn't wanted to give the kids tests on his first day back. His fridge was full, his bins were empty and he'd already thrown out all the old clothes and knick-knacks he no longer had a use for.

_So if there's nothing I _need _to do, what do I _want_ to do? _The answer to that question came to him surprisingly quickly, and he stood up and headed to the bedroom before he could change his mind. It had shocked him that the first thing he'd thought was _be with Kakashi_ but he wasn't about to deny himself what his subconscious wanted when everyone else seemed dead set on taking it from him. _Besides, I don't think I've ever seen Kakashi sleep before. I wasn't really looking at him when I was taking care of him._

Iruka pushed the door open softly and slid inside, his eyes darting towards Kakashi's face automatically. _And when we slept together _– Iruka blushed, unable to keep his mind from replaying what had happened that night –_he didn't actually sleep at all. He said it was because he wanted to protect me, but that seems a bit far-fetched even for him, doesn't it? We're in the middle of Konoha._

_And weren't you just attacked in the middle of Konoha? _a snide voice in his head argued. Iruka set his mouth in a grim line and refused to answer back, purposefully focusing all his attention on his wounded lover and shoving the little voice into the back of his mind.

Kakashi was a shade paler than usual, but though he looked as if he were made of porcelain there was nothing delicate about him. Even in sleep there was a defiant set to his jaw, something in his muscles that stopped sleep from rendering him peaceful and harmless like it did for most people.

_I wonder if he ever properly relaxes. He's so wound up, even now, though I guess he's still on edge after his mission. _Iruka fought the urge to touch him, knowing from experience that prodding sleeping jōnin often results in injury. _He doesn't look innocent, but he's still beautiful. A powerful type of beautiful, like a panther or something. _Iruka smiled to himself. _He'd probably object to being compared to a feline, what with all his dog summons. But he really does have the characteristics of a cat._

Iruka fidgeted, thinking for once he knew exactly how his students felt when he dragged them through the Konoha War Museum every year. Surely just a _little_ touch wouldn't hurt…? He snapped his fingers back, inches from brushing the sleeping jōnin's cheek. _Umino, are you insane? You're just asking to get yourself killed._

Iruka stared at Kakashi mournfully, mesmerized by how dark his lashes seemed resting on his pale skin. _I just want to check to see if he's real. Nobody is this beautiful, especially not when they've just been coughing up blood._

_You're an idiot. _His inner voice sighed. _If you want to touch him that badly just wait 'til he wakes up and then ask him._

_Ask him? _Iruka felt his cheeks heating up again and cursed his own mind for ganging up on him. _I can't ask him that._

Kakashi twitched in his sleep and moaned quietly, low in his throat. Iruka examined him worriedly, biting his lip. _Is he having a nightmare, or could it be a – a sex dream? Should I just let him get through it by himself?_

_You could always just lift up the blankets and see if he's hard, _the pesky inner voice said. Iruka ignored it.

Kakashi's fingers curled tightly in the blanket, his face contorting painfully, and he let out a low whimper.

"Crap, there's no way that's a pleasant dream," Iruka muttered, only half aware he was speaking aloud. "How am I supposed to get him out of it? If there's an unwritten rule not to poke a jōnin in his sleep it goes double for one who's having nightmares."

_But I can't just leave him like this._ Despite the coolness of the air the jōnin was sweating, his mouth opening and shutting but with no intelligible noise coming out. _I really can't leave him like this. _Iruka scanned the immediate area carefully, and decided the only weapons available to Kakashi were his hands. He gulped. He'd just have to hope that Kakashi woke up nicely, because the hands of the Copy-nin could be deadly in themselves.

Stepping forward reluctantly, Iruka brushed his fingers lightly against the sleeping jōnin's shoulder – only to find himself face down on the bed, struggling to breathe. _Shit, I didn't realise he was _that_ fast. He was totally out of it two seconds ago._ "Ka-argh-ah," he said ever so eloquently, tugging desperately at the fingers closed over his windpipe.

Slowly the jōnin's grip loosened, and Iruka flipped himself carefully to watch comprehension seep into Kakashi's eyes. The jōnin sat back and scratched self-consciously at his own throat. "I told you there was a chance you'd get attacked." His eyes darted up and down the chūnin's body, checking desperately for injuries. "Did I hurt you much?"

"I'm fine." Iruka sat on his hands to stop himself from instinctively checking his neck for bruised patches, knowing that would just make Kakashi feel worse. "So when you said you weren't sleeping to protect me you meant you were trying to protect me from yourself?"

"Yeah, kind of." Kakashi picked at a loose thread on the sheet, not looking up. "I don't really get why you wanted to sleep with me anyway. I'm dangerous. Doesn't it make you uneasy knowing I can kill you just like that?"

Iruka blinked, surprised. "To be honest I never really thought about it. I trust you, and I don't feel like I have any reason to fear you."

"Trust, huh?" Kakashi smiled wryly. "You're probably the only one."

Iruka couldn't say anything to that, because it was most likely true. He didn't want to ask about the nightmare either, because he had the feeling Kakashi wouldn't talk about it. "I take it you saw Sakura," he said quietly. He didn't want to talk about her either, but he needed to know just how bad things were.

"Mhmm." Kakashi's gaze skated across the roof, finally resting on the light bulb in the centre. "She asked me if I was having sex with you, and called me disgusting for taking advantage of you. Such a lovely young lady." He curved his eye up into a mocking smile.

"You're not wearing a mask, Kakashi," Iruka pointed out. "That means if you're going to pretend to smile you have to use your whole face and not just your eye."

Kakashi barred his teeth in a parody of a smile. Iruka shook his head. "Just don't smile at all if you're going to do that. I'll – I'll talk to Sakura, okay? She might listen if she hears it from me."

"Maa, don't bother. Just let her believe what she wants to believe. Did Naruto leave in disgusted horror?"

Iruka smiled broadly, unable to help himself. "No, he's just gone to see some friends. He'll be back for dinner because he's desperate to see your face."

Kakashi fingered his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe I should start wearing the mask again."

"Oh, please don't!" Iruka burst out and then shrunk back, ashamed of himself. "I mean – I just – I like seeing you without it." He scratched viciously at his scar, hoping without any real belief that his hand would cover his embarrassment.

"Ah." Kakashi looked dumbstruck for a second, and then his lips twitched upwards into a small, pleased smile. "I was just joking. It's just that it's rather _fun_ to rile that boy up. He thinks I'm horribly deformed or something. Do you think I should henge some buckteeth just for while he's around?"

"You don't have the chakra to waste on silly tricks like that," Iruka scolded, although the child prankster within him squealed happily at the idea of getting Naruto back for all the crude pranks he'd played over the years. "Besides," his voice dropped into a more serious tone, "I think – I think you should show him yourself honestly, because he will accept you as you are and you _need_ that, because you're still refusing to accept yourself."

Kakashi's smile disappeared and his face closed up, becoming a blank wall. "I know who I am and I know what I am," he said stiffly. "_You're_ the one who can't accept it."

"What?" Iruka blinked owlishly. "Now you're just being childish. That doesn't even make sense. If I was refusing to accept you you wouldn't be in my house right now."

Kakashi sighed and scrubbed his hand through his hair. "Sorry. I know. I'm just tired."

Iruka adopted a 'stern teacher' expression that was at odds with his rumpled appearance. "I was serious about accepting yourself you know. You're not a monster and you don't have to be just a weapon. Forget about the Copy-nin and Sharingan no Kakashi and the son of the White Fang. All of that is just," he waved his hands around uselessly, "I don't know. Unnecessary. Just be _Kakashi,_ and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. You don't owe anyone anything, particularly not Konoha, and you owe it to yourself to try for at least a little bit of happiness. Please."

Kakashi avoided his gaze as well as the subject, instead tugging lightly on a lock of Iruka's unbound hair. "I was too distracted before to realize it was strange, but you came home with a shadow clone. Why?"

Iruka gulped, and forced himself to smile widely. "I got my job back."

Kakashi frowned. "That's good, but it has nothing to do with the clone, does it? Your hair's untied and you're not wearing your jacket. Is someone picking on you?"

"Geez, you make me sound like a school kid being bullied." Iruka rolled his eyes. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, it's something," Kakashi countered stubbornly.

Iruka sighed and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "I got stopped on the way home from school by some punks. They just wanted to rough me up a little. I got away. You happy?"

"It was because of me," Kakashi said flatly.

Iruka nodded, knowing that denying it wouldn't help him. "It doesn't matter, though, I'll just take a safer route to school. I wasn't really focused on where I was going."

"It does matter." Kakashi's fingers were tangled well into his hair now, and it didn't seem like he'd be letting go anytime soon. "By rights you should feel safe in Konoha, it's your home. I don't like that you're getting hurt because of me."

Iruka bent his head forward in an attempt to hide his expression with his hair. "I didn't get hurt, and anyway, it's worth it. I didn't realize how lonely I really was until the day you left my apartment."

"Would you recognize them if you saw them again?" Kakashi asked, his voice carefully disinterested.

"Violence never solves anything, Kakashi," Iruka gently reprimanded. "I don't know who they are and you will not hunt them down." _I told them he doesn't care for me. I was so stupid. If it gets back to Tsunade-sama that I said that they're going to send a Yamanaka into my head and he's going to be hurt again. I can't tell him that, and I can't let him know that they're targeting me as his 'weakness'._

"Hn." Kakashi let go of his hair and rocked back on his heels, tilting his head slightly to one side and appraising Iruka with a steely grey eye. "Do you regret it at all, starting a relationship with me?"

"No. I told you, I've been alone for a long time and looking after you gave me a reason to come home every day." Iruka's gaze was serious and his expression open and warm as he looked up to meet the jōnin's eyes. "I've spent the last three or four years just burying myself in work, and getting close to you made me realize what a pitiful existence that is. Before, Naruto was there to fill up any gaps I thought I might have with his general enthusiasm for life, but as much as I love him it's not the same as an adult relationship."

"What about those two from next door, Kotetsu and Izumo? Aren't you close with them?"

Iruka laughed softly. "Yes, but not as close as they are to each other. I'm pretty sure they're still in the honeymoon phase. Being with them usually just makes me feel even more alone."

"But now you have me, right?" Kakashi pointed an uncertain finger at himself. "You're not so alone?"

"Yeah." Iruka smiled. "I have you." _Please don't ever find out what I said about you._

Kakashi swallowed heavily, and leaned forward the tiniest amount. "Iruka, can I kiss you?"

Iruka ran his tongue over his top lip nervously, oblivious to the fact that he was even doing it. Kakashi followed the movement with his eye greedily. "Y-yeah. I'd like that."

He was all too aware that they were alone and on his bed, and Kakashi was shirtless. _This could go further than just kissing. Last time we were in this position we… we had sex. Do I want that? _He glanced at Kakashi, who was watching him intently, hopefully. _Yeah, maybe I do. His expression is so cute. And I – I missed him a lot more than I thought I would._

Before he could change his mind he darted forward and pecked the jōnin lightly on the lips.

Kakashi looked stunned for a second, and then smiled. "That's not a kiss, Iruka."

Iruka smiled teasingly in reply. "Then are you going to show me what a real kiss is?"

"I guess so," Kakashi murmured. "Come here." Without waiting for an answer he bent forwards and captured the chūnin's lips with his own, winding his fingers through the short hairs at the nape of Iruka's neck.

Iruka's eyes fluttered shut on their own and he allowed his tongue to explore the roof of the jōnin's mouth for a little bit before realizing there was no response. Confused, he pulled back, only for Kakashi's head to drop down onto his shoulder. "Huh?"

Kakashi let out a sound that was somewhere between a breathy sigh and a snore, and nuzzled against his neck.

"Oh." Iruka chuckled quietly. "Silly baka, if just closing your eyes for a kiss is enough to make you fall asleep you shouldn't be making yourself stay awake in the first place. I'm not that desperate for attention."

Smiling, he kissed the sleeping jōnin's head lightly and carefully eased him back onto the bed and under the blankets. _You're so stubborn, Kakashi. But you're so cute too. You really need to look after yourself better, you know. _Deciding he'd had a long day and he really had nothing better to do Iruka tugged off his shoes – he'd been so distracted by Naruto he'd forgotten to take them off in the doorway – and unwound his leg bindings before crawling under the covers to watch his lover's sleeping face.

**o0o**

"'Ru-sen."

"'Ruka-sensei."

"Hey, Iruka-sensei!"

"Maa, what?" Iruka peeled open his eyes slowly. _Why is everything white?_

"It's dinner time and you're _sleeping. _Hey, can we have ramen for dinner?"

Iruka breathed in and the whiteness when up his nose. He coughed and pulled away. _Well, that woke me up. _He surveyed the view in front of him. _Kakashi… crap, I'm lying pretty much on top of him. He must be really knocked out. I shouldn't have let him talk for so long._

Iruka rolled away from the sleeping jōnin and sat up, rubbing his eyes, only to be blinded by a mass of orange and yellow. _Naruto. Naruto saw us in bed together. He saw me cuddling Kakashi. _"Uh. Hi?"

"Hey, Iruka-sensei, can we have Ichiraku ramen for dinner?" Naruto seemed surprisingly unperturbed at finding his sensei's in bed together. "Oh, wait, that's right." Bouncing forward he used Iruka's shoulder as a lever to lean over the bed and stare at Kakashi. "Geez, that's boring."

He let out an overdramatic sigh and pulled back, scrunching up his face and pointing an accusing finger at Kakashi. "His face is _normal. _He doesn't even have any cool scars or anything."

"Disappointed?" Iruka gave him a half-hearted smile. "Well, if having you in his face hasn't woken him up he'll probably be out for a while. He was really exhausted when he came in."

"So me and you can go get ramen, right? It'll be just like old times, right?" Naruto was practically jumping up and down.

"Yeah, why not?" Iruka decided he'd overlook Naruto's bad grammar and the fact that they were having ramen twice in one day for the sake of leaving Kakashi in peace for an hour. "Write him a note for me while I go wash my face, just in case he does wake up and wonders where we are."

"O-Kay!" Naruto shot him a Gai-esque thumbs up and sparkling grin, and Iruka repressed a shudder.

"And try not to do _that_ ever again, for the sake of my sanity." Iruka smiled despite himself as he walked away, unable to stop his mind from repeating, _He's not bothered by us. Naruto thinks it's okay._

**o0o**

_So. Nothing happened in this chapter. I bet you're disappointed, haha. I so can't be bothered writing at all, even though I have the time now. Convince me?_

_Oh and LovetotheCucumber I know I owe you a oneshot. I'm so sorry it's been so long_ -.- _I'll try_ _get that done sometime this week._


	14. Rest

_It's been forever, I know. I'm kinda failing at life right now so –shrug– And I've lost most of my interest in writing fanfiction. In any case, I made book covers for about half of my stories so if you're reading them, just take a little look, 'kay?_

**o0o**

Iruka glanced at his dining partner from under his lashes, trailing his fingers along the worn wood of the bench in front of him. Naruto seemed happy enough, but he was slightly more subdued than normal. He'd cheerily answered all of Teuchi's questions about how he'd been and what he'd been doing for the past few months, most likely exaggerating the awesomeness of his so-called 'heroic deeds', but as soon as Teuchi had left to deal with another customer he'd lapsed into an uncharacteristic silence.

Iruka tapped his chopsticks on the inside of his bowl and lifted a string of noodles experimentally before letting it drop back into the soup. He didn't really feel like eating.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto's voice was quiet, and that in itself sent warning shivers down Iruka's spine.

He centred his gaze on the bowl in front of him, unwilling to see what expression his self-proclaimed little brother was wearing. "Yes, Naruto?"

"Do you _really_ like Kakashi-sensei? Like, you stay with him because you want to?"

Iruka's head snapped up. "Who said that I don't?" he hissed, only realizing he was stupid to take out his anger on Naruto when the blond flinched, looking upset.

"I don't know. Everyone's saying it." Naruto shrugged his shoulders and waved his arms around a little too much, as if gestures would save him from the horror of his beloved sensei being truly mad at him. "Sakura-chan said that Kaka-sensei is disgusting and that he led you astray."

"I'm sorry for yelling, Naruto," Iruka said softly, though inside he was boiling with rage. "Please don't tell Kakashi that Sakura said that. It would upset him a lot."

"So you really do like Kaka-sensei?" Naruto asked, expression hopeful.

"Yes. I really do like him," Iruka answered gravely, "I like him a lot."

"That's good. I'm happy," Naruto said, sounding relieved. "Kaka-sensei pretends to be all tough and everything but I reckon he seems really lonely, ya'know? I always thought that he needed to have a friend and you're the best friend anyone could ever have, Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka couldn't help but smile at the naïve praise. "You know that Kakashi's not _just_ my friend, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto waved a hand dismissively. "That other stuff doesn't really matter. It just makes you even closer than friends, right? You need someone too, Iruka-sensei, and I think Kaka-sensei is really nice even though he pretends not to be."

"Yes, he is," Iruka agreed, deciding he might be a little hungry after all and starting to pick at his ramen.

"Huh." Naruto practically inhaled a large clump of noodles, causing Iruka to wonder when on earth he'd started his second bowl. "It's weird though, everyone seems so _angry_ about you two being together. I don't get it."

Iruka sighed and prodded his dinner again. "I don't really get it either. It's just because we're both men, and people let that bother them for some reason."

"What's got my two favourite customers so upset, hm?" Teuchi butted in, noting the despondent air surrounding the two.

"Iruka-sensei and Kaka-sensei are dating," Naruto said unashamedly, startling Iruka into choking on his mouthful, "And people are acting so weird about it."

"Oh." If Teuchi was surprised he didn't show it, instead appearing to think about the situation carefully. "That's probably because all the women are jealous."

Iruka raised his eyebrows but kept his mouth tightly clamped shut so as not to choke again. There was no _way_ this conversation could get much worse, right?

"How come?" Naruto asked, curiousity peaked.

"Because Umino-san is a good catch," Teuchi explained. "He's good with children, kind, patient, and not too shabby-looking either. They're just mad that Hatake-san snatched him up first."

Iruka choked on air.

Naruto let out a long, "Ooooooh," as if that explained everything. It probably did, in his head.

"And Hatake-san probably has his own admirers," Teuchi continued, wrapped up in his own tale. "He's tall, strong and handsome. The silent type."

"He's not actually handsome," Naruto informed him. "Kaka-sensei has a stupid, normal face."

Iruka knocked him lightly on the side of the head. "Naruto, you're thirteen. You don't know what handsome _means._ You have to look at all of him. He has –" He stopped himself suddenly, not even sure himself what he had been going to say.

Naruto grinned. "Iruka-sensei, you're turning red."

Iruka mentally willed his blush to disappear. It didn't work.

"You know," Naruto said thoughtfully, "Kaka-sensei always hides all of his body, not just his face. I think I've only ever seen his toes and his fingers before. How can people think he's good-looking when that's all they have to go by?"

"Sometimes covering up makes people want to see what's underneath even more," Teuchi rationalized. "Kind of like how a present is always more exciting when it's wrapped up and you can't tell what it is."

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, but who'd want to unwrap _Kaka-sensei_?"

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Iruka was sure that he must be red to the tips of his ears by this point. "Kakashi is an off-limits topic from now on, okay?" Despite feeling incredibly embarrassed Iruka was also oddly happy that Naruto and Teuchi-san could just sit there and chat about his unconventional relationship without malice or disgust. It was a relief, to say the least.

Naruto pouted. "But it's so interesting. He's all wrapped up like a mummy or something. Hey, you must have seen more of him than just his toes, Iruka-sensei. Is he like, really really white? Like, the sun bounces off of him and blinds you?"

Iruka grit his teeth. "If you'd just paid attention earlier you would know. At no point today was he wearing a shirt."

"Yeah, I guess, but he was all _bloody_ then. It was hard to tell."

Teuchi decided then that it was a good time to delicately remove himself from the conversation and check up on other customers, possibly because it looked like Iruka was about to boil over.

"Naruto," Iruka said with false brightness, his teeth clenched together, "How is Jiraiya-sama doing?"

Naruto's face lit up. "You know, Iruka-sensei, I can summon frogs…"

**o0o**

Iruka slipped his shoes off and padded quietly into his bedroom, glad that Naruto had gone to do some sort of 'observation training' with Jiraiya, firmly pushing aside the niggling question of what exactly the boy was going to 'observe'. He loved the kid, but dealing with that much energy all at once for long periods of time got stressful fast, and Naruto had never learnt that sometimes it's nice to just sit and relax in silence.

Feeling weary but happy, Iruka picked up the note his self-proclaimed younger brother had written for Kakashi – who looked like he hadn't so much as twitched a finger since they'd left – and read it half-heartedly.

_Iruka-sensei 'nd me are gonna have ramen. You can come if your not to lazy but you have to pay for yourself 'cause Iruka-sensei's paying for me. Your face is boring and you shouldn't make people wanna see it by hiding it. That's false advertissmint._

Iruka smiled and let the note float back down onto his desk before crouching down beside the bed. "Hey Kakashi, Naruto thinks your face is boring," he whispered. Carefully avoiding touching the jōnin in the bed he folded his arms over the duvet and studied his lover's sleeping face. "I think it's sweet. Well, you're sweet. Your face is gorgeous, though I probably wouldn't say that to you if you were awake."

Kakashi's eyebrows knit together and Iruka was struck once more by the odd way he failed to look peaceful in his sleep. "You must have had such a tough life, Kakashi. There are so many expectations piled onto prodigies, and even if you pass them all you're still not successful enough. I saw it in Sasuke and even Hinata, dissolving under the weight of her father's expectations. You – I'm sure you were everything your father dreamed you would be, everything Konoha wants, except for the fact that what you want is me." Iruka sighed and closed his eyes. "I wonder, how old were you when you realized you didn't like girls? How long have you been keeping this secret? It must have been so hard for you… so lonely. How many years have you been holding people at arms length?"

He could only imagine a teenage Kakashi struck by the realization that he could never, ever love someone openly in his own village, the village he'd spent his entire life working to protect. "I'm sorry that they can't see you like I see you. It's hard knowing that you've spent all this time building walls around you to keep people out when all you really needed was someone to come in."

_They must have come close to coming down, with team seven. Naruto is hardheaded enough to break down anyone's walls. I wouldn't hesitate to bet that Sasuke's betrayal nearly destroyed you. I never even thought about how it would affect you, back then. I was too busy worrying about Naruto and beating myself up over how I failed as a teacher, and I truly believed you were above caring for anyone. I was just like everybody else, fooled by your pigheaded façade._

"I'm not so arrogant that I think I can save the world, I'm happy to leave that up to Naruto," Iruka said quietly. "But I do think that I can save you. And at the same time, you can save me."

Iruka stood up and stretched, his back clicking, before pulling off his shirt and, after a moment's thought, his pants. He looked down at himself, standing there in only his underwear, and then at the jōnin sleeping in his bed. Scratching at the scar over his nose and feeling silly for continuing to talk to someone who couldn't hear him he said, "I feel a bit weird getting into bed with you like this, but my pajamas are currently under your head and I don't want to sleep in the clothes I've been wearing all day. I guess you're not going to wake up for a long time anyway, so… you'll never know."

Wriggling under the covers a safe distance away from the jumpy jōnin, Iruka smiled and closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Kakashi."

**o0o**

Iruka woke up before his alarm, blinking his eyes open to thin streams of pre-dawn light streaking the bed grey. Sometime during the night he'd managed to curl himself around Kakashi, his feet tucked under the jōnin's calves and his chin in the crook of a pale shoulder. He silently thanked every god he could think of that the jōnin was still passed out cold and couldn't see his inescapable blush, and vowed that Kakashi would never find out he'd been involuntarily cuddled.

Despite the overwhelming desire to stay exactly where he was Iruka reluctantly extracted himself, shivering as his feet hit the cold floor. He glanced back longingly at the decidedly warm figure in his bed, then turned away with determination. Even if he had the time to lie around in bed all day he had the feeling that Kakashi wouldn't appreciate being used as a life-sized teddy bear.

He found it weird how easily he'd accepted the jōnin as a partner. He'd always been open-minded and when he'd realized that he maybe felt something for Kakashi he'd acknowledged it for what it was, but he hadn't expected to physically desire the jōnin so quickly. Kakashi was nothing like a woman. His entire body was made up of hard, toned muscle and flat planes, the only thing soft about him his hair. He was slightly taller than Iruka, as the chūnin had found out the previous night, lying toe to toe with him. He'd always sensed that Kakashi was tall, but the permanent slouch threw him off. He probably seemed taller than he tried to appear anyway, simply because he was so thin.

Iruka let his eyes sweep across the lines of the jōnin's face and allowed himself a small smile. "You're a real sweetheart but you never let anyone know it. Dummy. Though I suppose you have enough reasons to hide yourself away." He shook his head. He still couldn't imagine what it must have been like to be so powerful, to be looked up to by envious adults when you were still only a child. It was easy to assume that such reactions would have caused Kakashi to grow into an arrogant, prideful adult rather than the shy recluse he'd somehow become. _It was probably the deaths of all of his precious people that kept him grounded,_ Iruka realized, and wondered just how Kakashi would have turned out had his father or his sensei lived to this day.

"Get a grip, Iruka," the chūnin mumbled to himself. "If you keep thinking about him and not the thirty pre-genin you're supposed to watch then you are going to be hung, drawn and quartered by those brats."

He turned resolutely towards his wardrobe and did not look back at the bed once. Well, maybe once. He was only human, after all.

**o0o**

"Tsunade-sama, this has come from Suna."

Izumo walked briskly into the Hokage's office, tossed the scroll down on her desk, did a sharp about-turn and left. Tsunade watched him go with one eyebrow raised. It definitely wasn't her imagination. Those two – him and the spikey haired brat he was always paired with – had been treating her with increasingly less respect lately, and she had no clue as to why such a change had come about. At times they almost seemed hostile.

Tsunade shrugged to herself and slipped a long, manicured nail under the seal on the scroll to break it. She had more important things to worry about than badly behaving chūnin gophers. She peeled open the roll of parchment, her eyes widening as she read the first line. She'd only asked Shikaku to send a runner to Suna yesterday, and yet she'd already gotten her reply. _He must have sent a bird. I knew he was appointed Jōnin Commander for a reason. Though, for the answer to come this quickly the Kazekage must have sent his fastest bird as well._

She skimmed through the document, her eyes flicking up and down the page at an alarming speed. When she'd finished reading she dropped it onto the desk and sighed heavily, before barking, "Shizune!"

Her harried assistant snapped to attention, nearly dropping her pig.

"Go get me that spiky-haired chūnin," she demanded.

**o0o**

"Er, Iruka?"

Kotetsu flinched as thirty pairs of beady eyes swiveled to hone in on his face. Iruka, with one eyebrow raised and a hand on his hip, looked like he was about to start tapping his foot in impatience at any moment. "I need to talk to you?" he gushed out, congratulating himself silently on the fact that his voice had barely wavered. He remembered the last time Iruka had punished him by making him watch over the little demons, and he was in no hurry to have that repeated.

"Yes?" Oh shit, Iruka was using the teacher voice on _him. _What had he done to deserve it?

Kotetsu gulped heavily. "Uh, privately?" He gave a wavering smile to show he was genuine and transferred his weight to his other foot nervously.

Iruka studied his face for a moment before turning back to his class. "No one moves, _got it_?"

A shiver swept its way across the classroom with all the force of a Mexican wave. Iruka grinned to himself. That reaction meant he had a safe five minutes before all hell broke loose, and what Kotetsu had to say was unlikely to take over five minutes. He slipped out the door, Kotetsu backing out in front of him, and pulled it shut softly behind him. "So, what's so important you had to disturb me in the middle of work for it?"

Kotetsu collapsed against the wall. "Geez Iruka, do you think I _like_ getting stared at by those creepy brats? I wouldn't come here if I didn't have to. And you're damn scary when you're teaching."

Iruka chuckled and scratched his nose self-consciously. "I'm sorry. You just caught me at a bad time, that's all. I still have half an hour more theory to go and they've been restless ever since lunch. I was hoping I'd get through it unscathed, but now they'll just want to know what you came here for and not concentrate on anything else." He paused. "What _did_ you come here for, seeing as you don't want to be here?"

"Tsunade-sama said to tell you that she wants to see Kakashi-san as soon as he wakes up," Kotetsu said. "No one else's orders would make me step foot in this godforsaken building."

Iruka frowned. "Why does she want him?" he demanded. "_She_ was the one who said make him stay in bed. Is she going to send him on another mission?"

"I don't know." Kotetstu shrugged, uneasy in the face of his friend's anger. "I would assume so. I mean, she sent me here when she could have just called you over after you finish work, and she looked pretty grim when she was talking to me."

"Ko, I can't do that." Iruka's voice wavered between angry and unhinged. "_She_ can't do that. He had broken ribs only last night. If he goes to her and she sends him on a mission he'll die. He doesn't have the energy to handle any type of fighting. I can't send him to _die_, Ko. Not when he's only just starting to live."

"Ah, I may have been mistaken?" Kotetsu said awkwardly, tugging on the bandage over his nose. "It's probably just that she wants to do a check up on him."

Iruka dredged up a smile. "I'm sorry, Ko, I shouldn't be taking it out on you. Shooting the messenger and all that." He laughed shakily, spoke bitterly. "It's just that if she calls to him, he'll go. It's crazy, right? He's so loyal he'll run to serve his village while still fatigued from the last time he played hero, wagging his tail like the dog he is, and what does the village he's dying to protect do? They call him unnatural and shun him."

Kotetsu averted his eyes, unsure what he could say to that. Iruka continued on heedlessly. "I know all this, and yet I do exactly the same thing. I'll fight and die for this village, even if I'm no longer sure I want to be labeled a part of it." He clapped a hand on Kotetsu's shoulder and grinned, his eyes an icy contrast to the heat of his smile. "Don't worry, Tsunade-sama will get to see Kakashi when he wakes up. I'm loyal; I can't deny an order from the top. Get out of here." He gave Kotetsu a half-hearted push, and nodded at the confused stare the older chūnin directed at him. "Go on," he said in a gentler voice. "I know you hate being in the academy."

Kotetsu nodded and hightailed it. He didn't know much, and even his lover thought he was kind of dumb, but he did know one thing: he never, ever wanted to be on Iruka's bad list.

**o0o**

Iruka dragged his hands through his hair for what seemed like the fortieth time, his elbows digging grooves into the oak of his desk. The children had stared bug eyed at him when he'd stormed back into the classroom, catching onto his bad mood quickly and being perfect little lambs for the rest of the lesson, which would have been great if he actually remembered what he'd taught them.

He sighed. He didn't even know what he was so upset about, really. He was just judging based on assumptions. Tsunade-sama could want Kakashi for something totally innocent. Iruka shook his head. _No. I have a really bad feeling about this._

He didn't want to go home, because Kakashi would just be sleeping. And if he wasn't sleeping – Iruka prayed that he was. The jōnin needed all the rest he could get before being sent off again to god-knows-where. He had no doubt that Kakashi would do anything the village asked of him, and the fact that Tsunade was not above using that upset him more than anything.

When he looked up again it was getting dark. _Shit, Umino, sometimes I think you're trying to do yourself in. You know how people have been treating you lately and yet you always put yourself in stupid situations like this._ He briefly toyed with the idea of using a henge before dropping it. It would only create suspicion from those who could recognize it and possibly land him in more trouble. Besides, he had his pride. He didn't want to be afraid of walking around in his own village.

He shoved his books and papers into his bag haphazardly. _Better to leave sooner rather than later_, he reasoned, though he was probably already too late to make that decision.

**o0o**

The trip home was blessedly uneventful, though he wanted to kick himself when he was thoroughly startled by a cat streaking past. _You're supposed to be alert, not on edge,_ he told himself crossly, and was rather relieved when he caught sight of the warm glow of his apartment.

_Wait, warm glow? Why are my lights on? _His heart sunk to below his knees. _Kakashi, you should have just kept sleeping._

He opened his door to find not one, but two sets of eyes turning to look at him. "Iruka-senseeeii!" Naruto screeched, and Iruka braced himself for the following flying tackle hug. "Kaka-sensei _sucks _at Go Fish."

Iruka glanced over the boy's head, his eyes meeting Kakashi's, who just shrugged and gave him a wan smile. _He looks really pale._ Returning his attention to the kid clinging to him, Iruka mock-growled and scrubbed his knuckles through the blond hair. "You better not have gone and woken Kakashi-sensei up. He needs to rest, you know."

"No way," Naruto protested. "He was awake when I got here. He opened the door for me."

Iruka, sensing something off about that statement, looked back at Kakashi.

"Well, not even complete chakra depletion could help me sleep through what he calls 'politely knocking'," Kakashi said with a rueful smile, rubbing the back of his head. "I don't mind so much, though it would be nice if my opponent knew more complex games than Go Fish and Snap."

"Hey hey, Kaka-sensei." Naruto let go of Iruka and swiveled around to glare at the jōnin. "Are you calling me _stupid_?"

"Not at all," Kakashi said calmly. "I simply think you can sometimes be a little obtuse, that's all."

Naruto frowned, his whole face scrunching up in concentration. "I bet that's a bad word, isn't it? Iruka-sensei, what does it mean?" Iruka didn't answer fast enough, so Naruto continued regardless. "Well, you're – you're –"

_Gay,_ Iruka's mind supplied helpfully, and the guarded look on Kakashi's face meant that he was thinking the same thing. _Please Naruto, anything but that. You can't be _that_ obtuse._

"You're _lazy,_" Naruto said triumphantly, and the tension in the air dissipated. "You read those stupid books all the time and you're always late, you baka-sensei."

Kakashi relaxed noticeably. "Yes, I am. I apologise, and must concede that you are _charmingly_ obtuse."

"Eh?" Naruto blinked, confused, before deciding the best course of action was just to leave it be. "Hey, Iruka-sensei, what's for dinner? Kaka-sensei said he wouldn't make me anything, and I didn't eat anything before I came because I know you're the best cook ever."

Iruka sighed. "Did Jiraiya-sama not feed you _anything_ while you were away?"

"We ate in places with lots of pretty girls and stuff." Naruto flapped a hand disinterestedly. "There was nothing as good as what Iruka-nii can make. Or ramen. Hey, if you don't want to cook you can just buy me Ichiraku, right?"

Iruka chuckled and rubbed the boys head affectionately. "No, I'll cook you something. Just stay out of the kitchen and don't bother Kakashi-sensei too much."

He sent Kakashi an apologetic smile before moving to the kitchen, his ears catching the excited, "Hey Baka-sensei, we should play Snap!"

Iruka shook his head, smiling affectionately. _Poor Kakashi. I better make something fast and easy to put him out of his misery. _He lost his smile as he reached for the saucepan, remembering his current position. _Legally, I should already have told him to go see the Hokage. But I just can't. He looks like he's going to fall apart any minute. There is no way he could go on a mission in the condition he's in now. It's not fair._

Iruka ground his fists against his forehead in frustration. _Tsunade-sama probably doesn't want more work at this time of night anyway,_ he told himself stubbornly. _I'll tell him in the morning. That way he gets another at least twelve hours of sleep. I'm not really breaking the law. I mean, it's not as if I got a written order to do it. _

"Hey."

Iruka jumped at the touch on his arm and whirled around, fists up. Kakashi held up his hands in defense. "Sorry. You looked worried about something."

Iruka bit his lip and looked away. "You, baka," he spat out, making up his mind, "I'm worried about _you._ You shouldn't be standing right now; in fact you shouldn't even be awake! Go back to bed." He gave the jōnin his best mock-glare before frowning, realizing for the first time that he couldn't hear any noise. "What have you done with Naruto?"

Kakashi grinned cheekily. "Maa, nothing?"

Iruka's eyes widened as his mind flashed through all the ridiculous and dangerous things the crazy jōnin could have done to his ex-student. "What did you do?" he demanded.

"Nothing. Hey, calm down." Kakashi brought both his hands up to cup the sides of Iruka's face, his palms cool against the chūnin's overheated skin. "I was just kidding, he's in the bathroom. Do you really think I have the strength to do anything to him right now? If I tried he'd probably beat me and then I'd never live it down. But you," Kakashi shifted one of his hands to run a finger along the scar on the bridge of Iruka's nose, making him shiver, "You're coiled like a spring. You're hiding something from me, right? Are you going to tell me what's really got you so uptight?"

Iruka stared at him. _I can't tell you, not right now. If I tell you then you'll either leave straight away or not sleep properly wondering what she wants you for. _Kakashi was usually pale, but right now he bordered on chalk-white. That is, with the exception of his horribly dark ringed eyes. He must have been staring too long because Kakashi's hands retreated from his face, and the jōnin was looking anywhere but at him. "I'm sorry," Kakashi muttered, "It's none of my business. You're allowed to have secrets."

The jōnin looked so despondent that Iruka would have done anything to comfort him, but when he opened his mouth to speak he was interrupted by the shrill shriek of his self-proclaimed little brother. "Hey, hey, if we're all in the kitchen then it means the food's ready, right?" He peered around Kakashi only to notice that Iruka still had the empty saucepan in his hand. "Ah, Iruka-sensei? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Naruto." Iruka gave a half-hearted smile, unsure quite how to divert the boy's attention from his unusual ineptness.

"Iruka has decided that we're going to have pot ramen tonight," Kakashi put in cheerfully, ruffling the blond's hair with a little more force than necessary. "It's a really nice idea, _isn't it,_ Naruto?"

Naruto's eyes flicked between Kakashi, who was smiling demonically, and Iruka, who was staring gob-smacked at Kakashi. He rubbed the back of his head with his hand and laughed awkwardly. "Ah, you know what? I'm just gonna go to Ichiraku's instead, yeah. I'll, um, bring you guys back something if you want it."

"That's fine, we don't need anything," Kakashi said genially, placing his hands on Naruto's shoulders and manually propelling him out of the kitchen. "Have fun, go out with some friends."

The door was slammed shut on his stuttered, "Ah, y-yeah," and Kakashi slumped against the doorframe, drained.

"Why?" Iruka asked, utterly confused.

"Before you complain, my intention wasn't to kick him out completely. He decided that himself," Kakashi said, sliding down the wall to sit against the door with his legs out in front of him. "But I am glad that he's gone."

"Why?" Iruka repeated, unable to get his brain around any longer words.

Kakashi stared up at him. "Have you seen yourself? You're like a rabbit, flushing hot and cold and twitching at the slightest noise. You were in the kitchen for ten minutes and all you did was grab a pot." He glanced meaningfully at Iruka's right hand. "Which you're still holding. Even Naruto realized there was something wrong."

Iruka flushed and retorted, "Have you seen _your_self? You look like a – a ghost!" He waved the pot in the sitting jōnin's direction. "And you're so exhausted you can barely stand up!"

Kakashi blinked at him, surprised, before letting out a burst of uncontrollable laughter, wincing and placing a hand against his recently healed chest. "You're right. We do make a fine pair, huh?"

Iruka chuckled, unable to help himself. It was either laugh or break down completely. "Yeah. I guess we do."

"Come here." Kakashi beckoned with his hand. "As comfortable as your doormat is, I don't really want to fall asleep on your floor. Help me up?"

Iruka moved forward obligingly and grabbed the jōnin's wrists. "You don't want something to eat?"

"No. If I eat then sleep straight away it'll go straight to fat. I'm not particularly hungry anyway."

"Worried about your weight?" Iruka chuckled and almost stumbled backwards as he pulled too hard and Kakashi's weight crashed into him. "You are pretty heavy."

Kakashi shook his head against Iruka's shoulder, the wispy hairs on the side of his head brushing against the chūnin's cheek. "Would you pity me if I said that it's not weight issues but my effectiveness as a killing machine that decides my diet? Because if you would, I'm not telling you."

Iruka said nothing and wrapped his arms around the jōnin, squeezing tightly, partly to stop him from collapsing back onto the floor and partly because he wanted to give some comfort, even if it wasn't allowed.

After a while of just standing and swaying slightly, Kakashi mumbled something unintelligible into his collar. Iruka prodded him. "Say again?"

Kakashi lifted his head with what seemed like an extreme effort and mumbled, "Your bed."

"My bed?"

"Am I…?"

"Are you what?" Iruka, cocking his head to one side, noticed that the jōnin's cheeks were turning pink, a fact that highlighted all the more just how white he'd become. "You mean, are you allowed to sleep in my bed? Because the answer is yes, if that's what you want."

"You too?"

Iruka clucked. "Only if you can actually manage to sleep with me there." He remembered waking up tangled around the jōnin and blushed. There was no way he wanted to repeat that with a lucid Kakashi.

"Yes," Kakashi whispered, and pushed away from him in the direction of the bedroom.

Iruka watched him stumble for a few steps before walking over and ducking under his arm, wrapping his own arm around the jōnin's thin waist. He growled at Kakashi's noise of protest. "Just let me help you, okay? It's okay to accept help sometimes, just don't think anything of it."

Kakashi, too drained to put up a proper fight, simply let himself be manhandled down the hall and onto the bed. His eyes closed fully when his head hit the pillow and he blinked twice to keep them open. "You, too?"

Iruka smiled softly. "Yes, me too."

Kakashi nodded once, decisively, and closed his eyes again. Iruka stood and watched him for a moment. _Tsunade can't be asking to see him to send him on a mission, can she? He's weaker than a civilian right now. It must just be some paperwork thing. _Deciding he'd probably been stressing out over nothing, Iruka stripped off and slipped between the sheets beside his lover. _I doubt it matters that much. I'll tell him in the morning._


	15. Reassignment

_Wow, has it ever been a long time. I don't know if this is any good but I wrote it and it's here, so… *shrugs* Poor Kakashi. I never meant for this to happen._

**o0o**

Kakashi was still dead to the world when Iruka woke up, and the chūnin couldn't help but smile at the way the tall jōnin curled in on himself, trying to take up as little of the bed as possible. He felt a terrible surge of guilt for not relaying the Hokage's orders when he was supposed to, but the feeling was heavily outweighed by the knowledge that Kakashi was looking far better now than he had the previous night.

_It's not like I really owe her anything anyway, _he told himself stubbornly. _The Sandaime is the one I swore my loyalty to. _He stole another glance at Kakashi and added grudgingly, _though I suppose I should at least wake him before I go to school. If Tsunade-sama has to wait until four to see him then she'll probably get ticked off, and it's unfair if she takes it out on him._

As it turned out, he didn't have to worry about waking the jōnin. He was halfway through making his lunch when he felt the air in the room change, and turned to see Kakashi standing in the entrance to the kitchen staring at him. He smiled and held out an onigiri for the jōnin to take. "Good morning."

Kakashi leaned forward and took a bite out of the rice ball without taking it from him. "'Morning."

"How are you feeling?" Iruka pressed. He was looking a lot better, but he still seemed a little unsteady on his feet.

Kakashi grunted and gave a little shrug. "I've been better."

"Well, to get better you should probably start eating again. Start with this." Iruka pressed the remains of the onigiri into his hand, forcing him to take it.

Kakashi looked mildly surprised, and then his mouth twitched upwards. "Maa, Iruka, are you some sort of housewife, looking after my health and cooking me delicious nutritious homemade food?"

"Of course. I am a domestic goddess," Iruka deadpanned. "Live with me for long enough and you won't be able to fit out the door."

"Because of all your fantastic food?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to engage me in a lot of exercise in the bedroom then, so I can stay fit."

Iruka's face took on a violent shade of red and he turned back to his lunch, coughing to hide his embarrassment.

"I was kidding." Kakashi took a couple of steps forward and held up a hand as if to touch him, but dropped it reluctantly. "I really don't… I don't expect anything from you in that department. Whenever you're ready and whatever you're comfortable with is fine."

"I know you were only joking," Iruka said, carefully keeping his face hidden. It had really only embarrassed him because the words had put certain _pictures_ in his head, and it had been difficult to dislodge them. "Anyway, I forgot to tell you, but Tsunade-sama wishes to see you."

"To see me?" Kakashi blinked, surprised, and absentmindedly shoved the rest of the onigiri in his mouth. "What for?"

"She didn't say, only that it was urgent." Iruka turned back around to stare at him imploringly. "Please promise me that whatever it is, you'll look after yourself."

Kakashi nodded, licking the last grains of rice from his fingers. "Yeah, I'll be careful."

**o0o**

Tsunade was spitting fire by the time Kakashi finally appeared, slouched with his hands in his pockets, in front of her desk. "Why'd you have to sleep so long, brat? This is important. I told him to send you here as soon as you woke but I should have just ordered him to wake you the hell up."

Kakashi figured it was best not to tell her that he'd been awake the night before but Iruka had neglected (on purpose, he presumed) to tell him he was wanted. "Hokage-sama, what is it you want from me?" he asked, careful to keep his voice flat and uninterested.

Tsunade scowled at him. "Are you being insolent, brat? Don't you dare take that impudent tone with me."

"I would just like to know why you sent for me," Kakashi said as politely as he could manage. He still couldn't quite get himself to forgive her for having Iruka's head examined, basically accusing him of treason. "Because if there was no particular reason, I have other important things to do." _Like sleep._

Tsunade's face transformed into a serious expression. "Nothing more important than this, brat. We are in serious trouble if we don't make a move soon." She glanced down at a sheet of paper on her desk, seemed to think for a moment, and then handed it to him.

Kakashi had almost forgotten how worrying the mission he'd just returned from had been, which seemed absurd considering how much his body was still hurting from it. It was just that after returning home Iruka's hands and Naruto's acceptance had seemed so much more important than what had happened with Shikaku.

Holding back a sigh, he stared at the document she'd given him, taking note of the broken Suna seal at the top. The text consisted of tiny, cramped handwriting that seemed as if it had been completed in a hurry, and just looking at it gave him a headache. He placed it back on the desk carefully. "Just tell me what it says. If it's as important as you seem to think you won't have time for me to try and read it anyway."

Tsunade glared at him, but took the scroll back anyway. "Wind Country's daimyo is making a mess of things. He seems to be collecting all of the able-bodied civilian men in River Country and storing them in his underground base, for what purpose we do not currently know. It's obviously something important, though, as he has somehow gathered control of a number of missing nin in order to protect himself. The hidden village in River Country seems unable or unwilling to protect its people. This you should already know."

Kakashi frowned. "Of course. That's what we discovered on the last mission. Why is it so important for me to be here now, though?"

"Suna has requested that we send someone to assassinate the daimyo."

"But what does this have to do with me?" Kakashi repeated, doing his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. "I'm on medical leave, remember? I nearly died recently."

Tsunade twitched, avoiding his eyes. When she spoke, it was so soft he had to strain to hear. "Gaara has written that the Wind Country daimyo is somewhat famous for his – for his taste in men. The easiest way to get close enough to kill him would be for someone to join his, ah, harem, and gain his trust."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes in disgust, unable to stop his shaking hands from clenching into fists. "And you think I would be _perfect_ for this job because I'm not adverse to being fucked by a man, right?"

Tsunade still refused to look directly at him. "Well, yes, that helps. But you are one of the first on my list for delicate jobs like this anyway, as the reputed assassin Copy-nin."

"_Liar,"_ Kakashi hissed. "You've thought this through well. If I go in there by myself, like this," he lifted his shirt briefly, showing the screeds of bandage still circling his chest, "And somehow manage to kill him, I'll never get out again. His lackeys will tear me apart. And that's what you'd like, isn't it? For me to die a martyr. Because if – no, not if, _when _– the other villages find out I'm gay, I'll become an embarrassment to Konoha. I will reflect badly on you, and you don't want that, do you?"

Tsunade finally met his eyes, a stony expression settling on her face. "You sure have an active imagination, brat. Your dirty little sex habits are unimportant in comparison to what will happen if this daimyo is allowed to continue playing his dangerous little game. What if he tries to extend his reach into Fire Country's borders, hmm? It will definitely be our problem then, and by then it may be too late. I picked you because you have the skills to rectify this."

Kakashi closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly before opening his eyes once more and doing something that he'd never even considered doing before. He said, quietly but clearly, "No."

Tsunade frowned deeply, and her voice came out as little more than a hiss. "What do you mean, _no_?"

"No." He said it louder, more confident this time. "No, I refuse to take this mission. That is allowed, is it not?"

"You have never refused a mission before," Tsunade pointed out. It seemed like she was caught halfway between pissed off and curious. "Why now? Why this one? Konoha needs you, Kakashi. You are the only one who can do this."

Kakashi shook his head. "You and I both know that I'm not the only one capable of undertaking this mission, and that I'm not even necessarily the best choice, particularly in the state I am now. And besides, what has Konoha ever done for me?"

He'd never voiced how he felt before, even to himself, and now he'd started he couldn't stop the bitter words from tumbling out of his mouth. "You're right, I have never refused a mission before. I have served this village without complaining for twenty-two years. _Twenty-two years._ Twenty-two years where I fought, stole and killed for the sake of the people. And what do I get in return?

"When I was a child, other children were kept away from me. Older children and teens were jealous and bitter because I could fight better than them, and their parents used me as some sort of fucked up example. Konoha was wary of me.

"When I became an adolescent and took up ANBU, they were no longer wary. Instead they were frightened. I took on nauseating, inhumane jobs so they didn't have to and Konoha looked at me like I was a monster.

"And now? Now everything I've sacrificed is still not enough because I'm _dirty._ No one cares that I have never been able to have a proper relationship or get close to anyone. Now Konoha thinks I'm disgusting because the person I love just happens to be a man."

Kakashi laughed, low and without humour, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "And you have the gall to sit there and tell me to 'do it for Konoha'? Newsflash, Tsunade-sama. _Konoha hates me._"

Tsunade sat silent for what seemed like a very long time. Kakashi couldn't bring himself to care. Eventually, she spoke. "Am I to take this as treason? You're saying that you won't work for Konoha, correct? That means you can only be working against us."

"Just because I dislike the way Konoha has treated me it doesn't mean I will defect," Kakashi said coldly. "You know as well as I do that I am incapable of doing that."

"I'm not so sure of that anymore," Tsunade muttered, then smiled brightly, a glint of malice in her eye. "Though I suppose Iruka-sensei would have some harsh words for you should you choose to go against the village he loves so much."

Kakashi refused to be goaded. "I already told you I have no plans to abandon Konoha, or fight against it." He paused, and then decided that he'd be impulsive for once. "Actually, all I plan to do is retire. Starting from now."

"Retire?" Instead of looking shocked, Tsunade smirked and leaned forward across her desk. "Kakashi, you can't do that."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Why not? Shinobi code asks for twenty years of service, and most ninja never get that far. ANBU ask for four, and after that most drop out of service completely or die, unable to handle trying to live as a human again after what they've done. I have completed twenty-two years, eight of those in ANBU. I am well within my rights to retire."

Tsunade waved a hand at him dismissively and spoke almost too kindly. "No, I didn't mean that you aren't _allowed_ to. I simply mean that you can't. You're right when you say that you've been serving this village practically your whole life. While it's sad that the recognition for that hasn't come in the ways you perhaps wanted it to, it's all you know. If you're not a ninja, then what are you?"

"I'm _Kakashi._"

Tsunade grinned. "What, Hatake Kakashi? Kakashi of the Sharingan? The Copy-Ninja? Man of a Thousand Jutsu?"

"Just Kakashi." Kakashi glared at her.

"Well then, 'just Kakashi', what will you do if you're a free man and not an active shinobi? With twenty-four unallocated hours in every day, you'll have a lot of time to think back on everything you've done. That will be fun, won't it?"

"I do not wish to take missions for Konoha any longer," Kakashi said stubbornly.

Tsunade tapped the Suna scroll with a long, manicured nail. "If you really insist on quitting, then this can be your final mission, so we can end your contract on positive terms. I'll even throw in a bonus for you."

"I want to end the contract, not my life," Kakashi said flatly. "You know it would be practically a suicide mission in my current condition. Am I really such a threat to you?"

Tsunade stared at him for a long moment, and then sighed. "I guess you won't budge on this one, will you? Well, I suppose you're entitled to, after all this time. And now that I think about it, you're probably not the best person to do this. Your social skills are atrocious."

Kakashi nodded curtly, relieved that she was finally backing down. He was starting to feel dizzy from standing up for so long. He turned towards the door and took a step forward when she muttered, "Yes, Iruka-sensei would probably be better."

Kakashi spun on his heel to face her again slowly. "What?"

"Oh, it's nothing to do with you." Tsunade gave a coquettishly fake smile from behind her fingers. "You're refusing to take the mission, remember? I was just thinking I should give it to Iruka instead, as he seems to have an innate ability for getting people to like him. It'd probably be easy for him to worm his way into that man's harem."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "You're just trying to provoke me."

Tsunade shrugged. "Am I? I happen to think he'd do a good job. And I don't think he would refuse a mission."

"And you think that it's a good idea for him to perform an assassination in cold blood?"

"He is capable of killing," Tsunade defended. "If you think otherwise all you are doing is denying his ability as a shinobi."

"I'm not saying he isn't." Kakashi scowled. The idea of Iruka taking on this mission upset him a lot more than the idea of going himself did, and it frustrated him to know that that was her sole reason for suggesting it in the first place. "But killing someone without giving them a change to fight back is a lot different to killing someone on a battlefield. The guilt is not something someone with his disposition should have to live with."

"Well, we'll just have to see what he says about it when he sees the scroll."

Kakashi weighed his options – if they could even be called that – carefully. Taking the mission would be suicide, but he wasn't sure whether she would actually send Iruka in his place or not. He wouldn't put it past her, even though considering Iruka's status in the village it would reflect badly on her if the chūnin failed to come back. Sullen, he reluctantly made his decision.

**o0o**

Kakashi picked himself up carefully from where he had fallen, rubbing his elbow, grateful that no one was around to see the great Copy-nin trip on a window ledge. _Though if everything goes right I won't be 'the great Copy-nin' for much longer._

Simply walking to the Hokage Tower and back had strained him more than he'd realized it would, and the walking along with the conversation topic had left him feeling incredibly drained. He'd actually considered getting back into Iruka's apartment via the front door for once, but then he'd calculated the chances of running into Izumo or Kotetsu and having to strike up a casual conversation and decided that no matter how slim the chances they were still too high. That's when he'd scaled the wall, got hit by an unexpected wave of dizziness, tripped and fallen through the window. He was surprised the noise hadn't made Iruka come running, actually.

_Iruka will be at school by now,_ his brain reminded him helpfully. Sighing, he pushed himself to his feet, with more than a little effort and a lot of help from the wall. He sat down on the edge of the bed as he contemplated his next move. _I really should just go to sleep, but I'd rather go and see Iruka. _Choosing to put aside minor things such as 'professional medical advice' and 'commonsense' for the time being and just please himself, Kakashi decided that he would indeed go and visit Iruka's classroom. He'd just have to take a nap first, because he was so very very tired.

He slept for longer than he had intended, and woke up around eleven just as tired as he had been before closing his eyes. Kakashi glared blearily at the roof. "If you'd planned properly, you could have just stayed asleep until classes finished and waited until he got home," he grumbled to himself. Shaking his head, he forced himself out of bed and his feet onto the floor. "Well, you wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, so what are you gonna do? You're awake now, and there's not much time left."

He stretched, ignoring the strain on his newly healed ribs, and decided he probably didn't have the grace to escape through the window without knocking himself out. "The door it is, I suppose," he said lightly, and hoped like hell he wouldn't be cornered by a well-meaning friend of Iruka's.

The journey to the academy was blissfully uneventful, though that may have been only because he was focused on ignoring everyone and everything around him. He had given up caring about what they thought of him, and it was hard enough to just keep placing one foot in front of the other. After talking to Tsunade he had finally realized that he did not owe Konoha anything, and the idea of being without guilt was strangely freeing. If there had been any payment owing in order to compensate for his father's mistakes he had more than paid it off with his lifetime of service.

Kakashi stopped in front of the school, hesitant to go in. Now that he thought about it, this was probably a bad idea. Iruka had already been fired once, and him turning up out of the blue would spark more rumours and discontent in the parents. He shrugged to himself. Well, it's not like he wanted anything to do with their bratty children anyway. They just happened to occupy the same space as his object of affection. _And it's not like it'll matter at all in a couple of days anyway._

Content with his reasoning, Kakashi stepped onto the grounds, trying to remember which was Iruka's classroom. As far as he could recall he'd never been inside it, but the number was – _there. _Kakashi couldn't stop a grin from forming. He couldn't see Iruka, but he could damn well _hear_ him.

"Sarutobi Konohamaru, that is _not_ where a pencil belongs. You keep it in your hand, understand? If I see you doing that again you'll still be here after class writing five hundred lines with your feet strapped to the ceiling."

Kakashi was pleased. Iruka's classroom – or at least, the classroom with the angry teacher-voice emanating from it – came with a nicely placed tree beside its decently sized window. He could watch from up there without disturbing the children or their chūnin sensei.

**o0o**

"Kakashi? Kakashi… up."

Kakashi slowly blinked open his eye to find Iruka's concerned face wavering in his vision. _Shit. I must have fallen asleep again. _"Is it time to go home?"

"No, ah…" Iruka rocked back on his heels, and Kakashi blinked again, realizing that he was still up the tree and the chūnin was crouching over him, balancing precariously on the branch. Iruka scratched his nose and smiled helplessly. "Well, some of my students saw you and thought you were dead, so they wanted to shake the tree to get you down. And it's lunch break and I figured you haven't eaten yet so you could… you could eat with me, if you like?"

Kakashi grinned, purring, "Maa, Iruka-sensei? It sounds like you're asking me on a date."

Iruka scowled at him, cheeks tingeing red. "Baka. It's just that I have food, and you need to eat to build up your strength. Don't make it into something it's not."

Kakashi shuffled backwards into a sitting position, and decided to take pity on him. "I know, I know. But perhaps we should eat on the ground?"

"Ah, yes!" Iruka leaped off the branch, and stood staring up at him until he followed suit. Kakashi slid to the ground, folding his legs and leaning against the tree in an attempt to conceal how his knees had buckled upon landing.

"You want to eat here?" Iruka frowned, looking back over his shoulder where the academy kids were running and screaming and carrying on like baboons in heat. Kakashi couldn't see the attraction of children at all. "They'll probably come over and bother you. We can always eat in my classroom."

"Here is fine. It's a nice day." Truth be told, Kakashi just didn't want to risk falling through another window so soon after his last confrontation with one. It was either that or walk through the halls, and he had a feeling the faculty would not be all that happy to see him. _And besides, _he thought, _how bad can kids really be?_

"I guess it is a nice day," Iruka agreed, sinking down beside Kakashi and pulling his bento out of his satchel. "It's been a long time since I've had lunch outside. This is pleasant."

"Yes, it's sunny," Kakashi murmured, but his eyes were on Iruka's smile rather than the sky. Iruka didn't seem to notice, and they ate in a companionable silence for a while.

"What did Tsunade-sama want?" Iruka asked eventually.

Kakashi chewed the end of a carrot stick contemplatively, wondering what to tell him. He'd folded his mask down around his neck, no longer caring who saw his face. Besides, if any of the children went around telling stories about it their parents would be unlikely to believe them.

"Oh, is it classified?" Iruka gave him a half-smile. "I don't need to know what it is, I just want to be sure that you weren't – and won't be – hurt because of it."

Kakashi shrugged. "I can tell you –" Interrupted by the sound of not-so-subtle pre-genin sneaking, he adapted the end of his sentence. "– after you finish work."

Iruka searched his face for any hint of how bad the meeting had been, but Kakashi kept his feelings on a tight rein. "Okay," he said softly, then hardened his voice. "Konohamaru, grass does not look like that. Get off the ground and say whatever you came here to say."

The boy sat up abruptly, flicking away what appeared to be some sort of grass-patterned blanket. "Hi, Iruka-sensei."

He didn't look at all putout at being discovered, simply creeping closer to Kakashi and staring at him. Kakashi stared back.

"Konohamaru," Iruka growled.

Konohamaru ignored him. "You don't look very scary. Are you really so powerful?"

Kakashi blinked at him. Konohamaru inched even closer. "You're Iruka-sensei's boyfriend, right?"

Kakashi looked at Iruka, who just shrugged. "…Yes?" He tried to ignore the way that affirming it out loud to another person made his heart beat faster, even if said person was just a brat.

Konohamaru pondered this for a moment. "That's still pretty cool, I guess. I mean, you get to do guy stuff all the time. Girls are icky and cry over stuff like bugs and messy hair. They're boring."

Kakashi tried to think back to the last time he'd seen any of his female acquaintances cry, and drew a blank. He supposed ANBU were rather a different breed than the types of girls a snotty pre-genin hung out with.

"I don't know, you might change your mind about that when you're a little bit older," Iruka said with a gentle smile.

"I don't think so." Konohamaru screwed up his face and stuck out his tongue. "Girls are gross. You think so too, right Kakashi-sensei? That's why you chose Iruka-sensei."

"That's not quite how it works," Kakashi said, slightly amused. "I like women, just not enough to live with one."

"I don't want to live with one either," Konohamaru claimed. "My mum nags all the time."

"It's not – " Iruka started to say, but was cut off by the bell. He sighed. "Run back inside, Konohamaru."

The little boy did as he was bid, and Iruka turned to Kakashi. "Are you going to be alright? You really should go home, but you're not going to, are you?"

"No, I'm not. Is that okay with you, Sensei?" Kakashi teased.

Iruka just shook his head. "Are you going back up that tree?"

"Yes. I'd rather not interrupt your class."

"Be careful, then. I don't want you to fall asleep, fall off and break a leg." Iruka placed the lid back on his bento box and shoved it back in his bag. "I'd better go. It's dangerous to leave the little monsters alone for too long."

"Mm." Kakashi gave a distracted smile, leaned forward and brushed his lips against Iruka's. "Have a good afternoon, Sensei."

Iruka jumped back, looking frantically around to see if anyone had noticed. "Kakashi, you can't do that," he hissed.

"It's okay. Go to class before your brats set the building on fire."

"Oh, crapballs." Iruka hightailed it across the grass and back inside the building. Kakashi watched him go with a smile on his lips. He almost wished he'd had the sharingan uncovered to capture Iruka's cute flustered reaction to his kiss. He wanted nothing more than to continue seeing Iruka's animated expressions, but it seemed like neither time nor luck was on his side in that regard. Tsunade had more than made sure of that.

"_Fine, I'll take it." Kakashi glared at Tsunade. "I'll take your stupid mission, but give me three days to prepare first."_

_Tsunade glared right back. "We don't have three days, brat. You can have twenty four hours."_

"_Thirty six," Kakashi spat, eyes narrowed. "Thirty six, and Iruka does not work tomorrow. That's the least you can do for me, since you're sending me on this mission to die."_

_Tsunade gave a world-weary sigh. "My intention is not to have you killed, Kakashi. It is only, and has only ever been, to protect this village in the best ways I know how. And right now you completing this mission is the best thing for Konoha."_

"_Because I'm a threat to the village's reputation alive. You're killing two birds with one stone," Kakashi said flatly. He leaned over the desk, getting right up in her face, and snarled, "Well, that's fine. But I intend to return from this mission alive. And when I do, I will no longer work for you."_

_He stormed out the door, barely listening to her parting instructions._

Kakashi sighed, pushing his palm hard against his forehead. He'd been falsely cocky, and that bitch probably knew it. Hell, she was probably laughing at him. There was no way he'd be able to get out of this one alive, which is why he'd rather spend every moment he had left watching his precious chūnin rather than resting in preparation for when he had to leave. Death wasn't something he feared; he'd been expecting it the whole time he'd been in ANBU, and at times might even have welcomed it. It just pissed him off that he was supposed to die now when he had only just found his reason to live.

He was prepared to leave, and he was prepared to die. Now he just had to figure out what to tell Iruka.


	16. Resignation

_/Can't be bother editing, so typos and crappy writing ahead_

_/Warning: dirty lemon_

_/the link to the now COMPLETE Hound's Release is on my profile_

_**o0o**_

Kakashi was sleeping again when Iruka found him, still in his tree, upper body slanted against the trunk and long legs dangling either side of the branch. "You're so troublesome, you know that?" he muttered, mock-glaring at the snoozing jōnin. "You'd get much better rest if you'd just stayed at home in bed all day. I did leave lunch for you, you know."

Iruka cocked his head to one side, trying to figure out the best way to wake him up. Waking a sleeping jōnin was always a delicate, terrifying process, and he'd been lucky last time that Kakashi had mostly woken of his own accord. For a moment he considered just leaving the stubborn jōnin where he was and getting some of his papers marked while keeping watch, but he scratched that idea. Waiting for Kakashi to wake on his own would probably mean waiting all night, and after his confrontation with the Kakashi-hating jōnin he didn't quite feel comfortable just sitting around in the open.

"Kakashi, please get up. You can sleep in my bed if you're still tired. It's better than a branch, anyway." No reaction. Iruka frowned. "Open your eyes just a little? Please?"

Iruka sighed. "I really don't want to touch you, but…" He reached out and grasped the jōnin's shoulder lightly. "Please don't make me have to shake you."

Kakashi's hand snaked up and gripped his wrist tightly.

"Ow! Are you awake, or are you planning to torture me in your sleep?"

The grip on his wrist slackened, but the hand stayed. "Are we going home now?"

"Yes. Are you able to walk?"

Kakashi nodded without opening his eyes. "Are you fine with us walking back to your place together, though? People will talk."

Iruka froze. He hadn't thought of that. In fact, he hadn't really been thinking about anything except for getting Kakashi back into bed where he knew he would be safe. He shrugged and grinned. "Let them talk. They're going to do it anyway."

Kakashi looked like he wanted to disagree, but didn't say anything. Instead he nodded, yawning.

"Yes, you definitely need to get home and sleep in a proper bed," Iruka said firmly. "Why on earth did you spend all day here anyway?"

Kakashi shrugged loosely, and opened his eye to stare at Iruka. "Maybe because I just wanted to be near you," he said simply, then grinned. "Now, are we going home?"

Iruka blinked, wondering if it was a joke or not. It should be, but with Kakashi it was sometimes hard to tell. In any case, he wasn't allowed any time to think about it as the jōnin had already leaped from the branch and was waiting impatiently for him on the ground. "If you're gonna come, come."

Iruka shook his head in exasperation and jumped down after him, bumping his shoulder in mock anger. "I was the one having to wake you up, you know. You have nothing to complain about."

"Yeah, yeah." Kakashi marched onwards without warning, and Iruka skipped to keep up.

He wasn't used to the way people were staring, or the whispers. They didn't seem to bother Kakashi, but then again he was probably used to it, having been idolized for the majority of his life. It made him uncomfortable and somewhat lonely that people were talking about him rather than to him.

"You did say you were okay with it."

Iruka jumped, startled out of his thoughts. Kakashi was staring at him with his serious grey eye so he grinned in response. There was nothing he wanted less than for Kakashi to feel bad about being with him. "No, it's fine, it's just slightly off-putting. Hey, do you want to give them something to really talk about?"

Kakashi cocked his head to one side, studying him carefully, but he didn't say no. Iruka decided to take that as an affirmative and slipped his hand into the jōnin's. Kakashi looked down, surprised, then back up at his face. Iruka watched his reaction carefully, worried that the jōnin would push him away, but Kakashi just gave him a shut-eye smile and shifted his hand so their fingers laced together.

Iruka smiled to himself, doing his best to concentrate on the heat of the palm brushing against his and ignore the malicious whispers. He looked up only when the jōnin stopped moving forward, and found that they'd already arrived back and were standing in front of his door. He moved to get his keys, but Kakashi refused to let go of his hand. Mentally shrugging, he dug around in his bag with his left hand and awkwardly jiggled the key in the lock, barely remembering to disable his traps before shoving the door open.

Shrugging his satchel to the ground, he was taken by surprise when Kakashi let go of his hand and engulfed him in a sudden bear hug. Iruka chuckled softly, trying to hide his embarrassment at the way his heart had started pounding.

"Can we," Kakashi's nervous breath ghosted over his ear, making him shiver, "Can we do it?"

"Do what?" Iruka responded without thinking. It took a few moments for his brain to catch up with him, and when it did his face coloured fire engine red. "Oh. _That. _You mean right now?"

Kakashi nodded against his shoulder. "If that's okay with you."

"But you're tired and injured," Iruka protested. "And it's mid-afternoon."

Kakashi shrugged and slipped a hand under the hem of Iruka's shirt, fingers brushing against the base of his spine. "Does that really matter? I've been watching you all day and I just want to touch you all over."

Iruka snorted, ignoring the way his back shivered at Kakashi's touch. "You haven't been watching me. You've been sleeping."

"Maa, and now I'm sick of sleeping," Kakashi returned. "I'll only agree to go back to bed if you're also in it."

"Alright," Iruka said, surprising himself and Kakashi, if the jōnin's face was anything to go by.

"You sure?"

"Are you trying to get me to change my mind?" Iruka grinned playfully, then put on a serious expression. "Just promise that you'll stop if it's too much for you."

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Kakashi hoisted him off the ground and Iruka instinctively wrapped his arms and legs around the jōnin's wiry frame.

"That's a bad start," Iruka grumbled, but allowed himself to be carried to his bedroom and deposited gently on the bed. "I haven't even taken off my shoes."

Kakashi grinned, and removed them for him – along with his leg bindings, his flak jacket, his hair tie and – "Why am I naked?" Or _how_, was probably what he more wanted to ask. Stripping a person so fast should probably be counted as a skill, though Kakashi really didn't need anything else added to his repertoire.

"Because you look better this way," Kakashi answered, pulling off his own shirt and pants. "You don't mind, do you?"

"I guess not." He kind of did, but his mind was more preoccupied with the way he could see Kakashi's ribs under his skin than any potential embarrassment he might be feeling. "Kakashi, you're really thin."

Kakashi looked down at himself and shrugged lightly. "I guess I burn through fat as well when I burn through my chakra supplies."

"But I can see your ribs," Iruka protested.

"At least they're not broken anymore," Kakashi jibed, then grinned. "Anyway, I can see _all_ of you and I'm not complaining."

Iruka frowned. "Kakashi, I'm serious. I'm worried about you. What did Tsunade-sama say?"

Kakashi held up a finger. "Let me hold you first."

"Kakashi – "

"Just a little bit?" Kakashi wheedled. "Saying that old hag's name ruins the mood."

"Fine," Iruka huffed, pulling the pale man down on top of him. "But you're not going to escape telling me forever."

"Mhmm."

Kakashi's lips had already found his neck, and the jōnin wasted no time in setting to work nibbling every inch of skin he could find between chin and clavicle. He clung to Iruka like a spider, all long limbs and pale skin, his lanky, naked body pressed tight against his side.

Iruka wriggled nervously, his skin tingling everywhere he was touching Kakashi. "Can we at least do this _in_ the bed, not on top of it?"

Kakashi didn't reply, instead tilting his face up to nip at Iruka's jaw. Iruka gave up, and pushed the blanket down with his feet so it was no longer underneath them before reaching down to pull it back up, not without difficulty.

"See, now it's warmer," he said to the fluff of white hair which was all he could see of Kakashi now, the jōnin having chosen to bury his face in a conveniently placed collarbone. "Kakashi?"

He tugged lightly on the jōnin's hair and the arms around him tightened. Kakashi made a snuffling noise and shifted slightly. Iruka patted his fluffy head gently. "Dummy. You should have said you just wanted to cuddle," he said softly. "You really need to stop turning me on and then passing out on me, you know."

**o0o**

Kakashi groaned and covered his still-closed eyes with a lazy arm. "Turn down the sun," he grumbled.

Iruka threaded his fingers through the jōnin's silvery hair and answered idly, "It's just doing its job. You, on the other hand, deserve to be tortured for turning me on and falling asleep again."

Kakashi squinted up at him, shading his face with one hand. Somehow he'd ended up curled around with his head on the chūnin's lap while Iruka sat up grading papers. From the intensity of the sun it seemed he'd slept through to at least mid-morning, which gave him… maybe eight or nine hours left with his chūnin.

He snaked an arm around Iruka's waist and buried his face in his stomach, causing the younger man to jump. Iruka had deigned to pull his underwear back on but not a shirt, and Kakashi was damned well going to make the most of it.

Iruka sighed, and put down his paperwork. "You're really like a kitten, you know. If you want attention, just ask for it."

"Attention," Kakashi said immediately.

Iruka chuckled. "You have all of my attention. Tell ma what Tsunade-sama said."

Kakashi froze. "It's classified for now," he said eventually.

"Lies," Iruka said flatly, tapping the jōnin's head sharply. "What are you so afraid of telling me?"

Kakashi shuffled a little closer and dipped his head a little lower so his nose brushed against the front of the chūnin's underpants. "It's just not that interesting," he murmured, darting his tongue out to prod the soft bulge in front of his face.

"It's important or you wouldn't be hiding it," Iruka said, stubbornly refusing to react to the warm breath on his cock.

"Maa, well, I'm going on a mission later, so just let me enjoy this now?" Kakashi spoke fast, hoping that would be the end of it, and wiggled his fingers inside the back of Iruka's elastic waistband.

"You can't go on a mission, you're unwell," Iruka exploded, seeming to ignore the fingers as well as Kakashi's lips, which were doing their very best to get a rise out of his lower anatomy through the thin material. "She can bloody well send someone else."

"She said 'm the only one who can do it," Kakashi mumbled, running his tongue along the line of skin peeking above the chūnin's waistband.

Iruka shivered – _finally, a reaction _– and simultaneously scowled. "It's dangerous," he said, not needing to phrase it as a question.

"Mm, don't think I'll be coming back this time," Kakashi returned absentmindedly, his focus caught by the way that Iruka's lower half was finally waking up for him.

"_What?_" Iruka growled.

Kakashi blinked, scrambling to remember what exactly he'd said in the last ten seconds to make the chūnin shake with anger like this and destroy all his hard work. "…Oops?"  
>"Let me reiterate: she's sending you on a mission you don't think you'll return from?" Iruka glared at him. "And you <em>accepted it?<em>"

Kakashi rolled onto his back, annoyed that he'd just ruined any chance he'd had of getting to do Iruka a second time. "Well, yeah. She didn't give me very good options."

Iruka's eyebrow twitched. "What options?"

_Shit. _"Maa, take the mission or become a missing nin, really."

"She can't do that."

Kakashi shrugged. "Apparently, she can."

"She _can't _do that."

"She can."

"Well I won't let her." Iruka looked and sounded so resolute Kakashi wanted to hug him.

"You and I both know it doesn't work like that." Kakashi stiffened suddenly, realizing that if Iruka did as he claimed he would and confronted Tsunade – which he didn't doubt would happen if he didn't fix this conversation fast – then the witch would give him the option of taking the mission instead. And he wouldn't put it past the well-meaning chūnin to accept that offer. "It's really not as big of a deal as I was making it out to be," he countered himself with the laziest drawl he could manage. "I just wanted to give you a good reason to do naughty things with me."

Iruka glared at him. "Don't lie to me." Five more seconds and he was out of the bed and already pulling on his pants.

_Shit. _Kakashi had to stop this, right now. "Come back here, it was just a little lie to get a cuddle."

"Cuddle?" Iruka turned to face him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." Kakashi gave his best, most innocent smile and spread his arms wide. "Please?"

Iruka offered a small smile and stepped back towards the bed, cupping the jōnin's chin in his hand and bending down to kiss the tip of his nose briefly. "Kakashi-san," he purred, bending further to whisper into the shell of his ear, "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

Kakashi swallowed loudly. "If you're really going to confront Tsunade-sama about this, then can we please have sex first? I mean, before she kills me?" _And if he does offer to take my place, _he thought resolutely, _I'll just have to leave him physically incapacitated until I'm gone and it's too late for him to do anything about it._

Iruka frowned, and Kakashi realized too late that 'kills me' probably wasn't the best phrase to use. He was about to say something, anything, to fix his mistake, when the chūnin spoke softly. "Kakashi, do you ever stand up for yourself? It blows my mind how you can be so powerful and yet you let anyone do or say whatever they like to you without comment. It's almost as if you have no self-worth."

_No. No no no._ Kakashi's entire body froze. _He pities me. He thinks I'm pitiful. Please don't wear that expression in front of me, anything but that._

"I'm sorry, Kakashi." And then Iruka was climbing into his lap, laying his head on his shoulder, voice reverberating through his chest. "I just don't want to see anyone taking advantage of you."

Kakashi forced his arms to move, wrapping them tightly around Iruka and pulling him closer, taking small comfort from the feeling of skin on skin. It was kind of ironic that Iruka would get upset about this – the one time he _had_ tried to stand up for himself – but that didn't do anything to stop the queasiness he felt from someone else confirming what he had felt all along.

"We can do it, if you want." Iruka sounded unsure. "But I promise you that I will give Tsunade-sama a piece of my mind afterwards." He sounded much more sure about that.

Kakashi was tempted to say no out of spite, but realistically this was the last chance he'd probably get to touch Iruka, and seeing as the chūnin was offering… he'd be a fool to refuse.

"I want you," he said quietly, already reaching for the drawer where he knew lube was stashed.

Iruka shifted in his arms and set about kissing him, at first hesitantly and then with more force, almost desperately. Kakashi stroked the tongue invading his mouth with his own, and wondered exactly what was going through the younger man's mind. The way he pushed closer, his blunt nails digging into Kakashi's back – maybe somewhere, deep down, he knew that this would probably be the last time.

Kakashi didn't speak; he didn't know what would come out if he tried, and he wasn't going to risk it. Instead he focused on Iruka's tongue in his mouth, and running his hands over every inch of tanned skin he could gain access to, his fingers mapping scars and muscle carefully so he'd have an accurate picture to keep him sane during his mission.

He didn't ask before slipping his hand into the chūnin's briefs and curling his fingers inside his body, and the wordless gasp and the nails on his spine he got in return told him he didn't need to.

Iruka's hands roamed from his back, to his arms, to his chest, before finally pushing down the front of his underwear and wrapping around both of their cocks. He stroked up and down a few times before suddenly pushing away and standing up, Kakashi's fingers sliding out of him with a decidedly wet slurping sound.

Originally worried, Kakashi realized he didn't have to be when he caught sight of Iruka's entirely red face. Iruka pushed his underwear down and kicked it across the room, pausing when he noticed Kakashi's amused smirk and averting his eyes. "You weren't close enough," he mumbled, and sank back down on top of the jōnin, heated face buried in his collarbone.

Kakashi kissed the top of his head gently and silently handed him the tube of lube, setting his fingers back to work circling his entrance. Iruka twitched slightly when he was breached a second time, but didn't make a sound. Instead, he coated his hand with lube and rubbed his fingers around the head of Kakashi's cock, stroking downwards before collecting his own in his hand as well and rubbing them together.

Kakashi shuddered against him and pushed his fingers deeper, scissoring them to alleviate some of the tightness. He tried to push away the thought that if the chūnin was like this now he'd be an absolutely fantastic lay by the time he was confident enough to properly initiate sex. _You're not going to get the chance to find that out, _his mind reminded him cheerfully, and he grit his teeth.

Iruka's mouth was on his collarbone, but jerked away when his fingers accidentally brushed his prostate. Kakashi tuned out the voices in his head and zeroed his attention on right here, right now. He focused on the wet, slopping sound of his fingers pushing and stretching Iruka, on the tiny mewling sounds that came out of him when he touched the tiny bundle of nerves inside, and the hot, panting breath against his neck. Iruka couldn't seem to decide between pushing forward against his cock, or backwards into his fingers, and alternated between the two, his nails digging half-moon trenches into the jōnin's shoulders.

"Is it enough?" Iruka breathed, and Kakashi flexed his fingers, prompting a fully-body tremor.

"It might hurt a little," Kakashi murmured, and stretched his fingers out again. "You're still a bit tight."

Iruka reached blindly behind him and tugged a condom out of the drawer, tearing open the package with his teeth. "That's okay." Pinching the top and working with careful focus, he rolled it slowly down Kakashi's twitching member.

Kakashi pulled out his fingers, wiping them on his leg, and waited. Iruka stared at him. Kakashi stared back. "Do you want me to put it in for you?" he asked eventually.

Iruka glanced down, then back up at his face. "I can do it," he said stubbornly.

Kakashi smiled. He knew that look of determination. He'd experienced what Iruka was feeling many years ago, the first time a man had asked him to take control of his own fucking. He'd been what, sixteen? Seventeen? It was a mix of being terrified of being in charge of something that you knew was going to hurt and feeling a desperate, aching need to be filled.

"I can do it," Iruka repeated, whispering, sitting up with his forehead hard against Kakashi's clavicle. He swayed slightly, the blunt head of Kakashi's cock pressed against his entrance but not breaching it.

"Move slowly," Kakashi advised, remembering his own painful mistake of sinking an entire shaft in one go. He touched his fingers to Iruka's hips and lightly applied pressure, encouraging him to bear downwards. Iruka shut his eyes tightly, one hand around the base of the jōnin' shaft, and pushed down swiftly, making them both cry out.

"What part of 'move slowly' didn't you understand?" Kakashi asked, clenching his teeth together and trying unsuccessfully to calm himself.

"Sorry." Iruka smiled nervously at him. "I couldn't do it slowly."

Kakashi shook his head. "I said it for your sake, not mine. Are you okay?"

"Well, I feel full and tight," Iruka admitted, "But I can feel you twitching inside me and I really want to move."

"If you want to move, move." Kakashi kissed him, unable to help himself. "You're in control, remember?"

Iruka swiveled his hips, experimentally grinding himself on Kakashi's cock. The movement seemed to please him, and he wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck, panting in his ear. Kakashi returned the favour, enveloping the chūnin tightly in his arms until their chests pressed together, hardly able to move.

"I like this," Iruka whispered, using Kakashi's shoulders to leverage himself up then sink back down onto his twitching member. He clutched Kakashi tightly as he moved, and the jōnin wondered if he was seeing this the same way he was, as the last time. "Your cock – ah – it's so – I love you inside me."

So did Kakashi, though he wasn't going to say it. Iruka was a tight, hot mess writhing on top of him, fucking himself with his cock, and he didn't think he'd ever been more turned on in his life. Iruka kissed him sloppily, and he kissed back more desperately than he'd planned, accidentally sinking his teeth into the chūnin's bottom lip. He lapped at the blood apologetically, but Iruka didn't seem to even notice.

Kakashi bent his head and sucked hard on the junction between Iruka's shoulder and neck, making him cry out wordlessly. He'd never left a mark on a partner before, never felt he had the right to or even wanted to. Multiple partners had left marks on him though, particularly when he was younger, usually paired with, "Come see me again, kid, you're a good lay." At the time he hadn't understood why anyone would want to do such a thing, but he thought he was beginning to get it. It was a badge of ownership, and though he wasn't conceited enough to think he owned Iruka it pleased him to know he was the only one who could mark him. This badge was simply so that the chūnin wouldn't forget him too fast.

"Ka-aka_shi." _Iruka's hands were fisted in his hair now, and he hadn't even known his name could sound like that. The friction on his dick and the way Iruka looked and sounded made him very close to coming, and the expression on Iruka's face told him he was close too.

Kakashi nipped at the chūnin's ear. "Iruka, cum for me."

Iruka rolled his hips forward and spasmed white across his chest, his ass tightening enough to squeeze an orgasm out of Kakashi, who found himself blinking stars out of his vision.

Iruka let go of his hair and tightened his arms around his neck. "I don't want you to go on the mission," he said softly.

"I won't," Kakashi lied, and kissed the chūnin's forehead tenderly before pressing two fingers firmly into the base of the back of his neck. Iruka slumped against him, out cold. "I'm sorry, Iruka."


	17. Chapter 17

**o0o**

"I'm ready to leave," Kakashi said curtly, and Tsunade looked up from her desk to glare at him.

You don't have to be disrespectful, brat."

"You and I both know I don't want to be here and that I won't be coming back, and yet here I am. It's a waste of effort on my part to show you respect." _I'd love to see your horrified face if I did manage to come back alive, _he thought vehemently.

Tsunade scowled and tossed a bag at him. "You can't leave dressed like that. Put these on."

Kakashi peered into the bag. Civilian clothes. Well, he'd worn a lot worse. She hadn't specified where he should change and he wanted to make her day as hellish as possible, so he decided to strip on the spot.

"You –" Tsunade started angrily, and then sighed heavily, shaking her head.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Kakashi said sweetly, one leg in his pants and one leg out.

"Never mind, brat, just finish dressing. Also, lose all the weapons. I'll give you something that's more fitting to who you're supposed to be."

Kakashi glowered, and finished dressing. He was already uncomfortable without his mask and vest, and yet he was expected to go without his arsenal too? And this on top of being half chakra drained was looking more and more like a dead ending for him.

"Come over here, and roll up your sleeve."

Kakashi stepped towards the desk and rolled up the right sleeve of his new civilian shirt, which seemed to be a size and a half too big.

"Other one. Quickly." Tsunade jerked her head towards his left.

Kakashi did as she asked slowly, curious and more than a little apprehensive as he revealed his ANBU tattoo. He almost jerked his arm away as she covered it with her hand, causing a painful stinging sensation. "What are you doing?"

"I'm removing it for you," Tsunade said calmly, her grip nearly strong enough to break his arm. "You did say you wanted to resign, right? And this will give you away immediately."

Kakashi grit his teeth and closed his eyes. It was true that he was no longer willing to take deadly missions, and that definitely included anything given to him while he was in ANBU, but ANBU was very much a part of who he was. Taking the tattoo he'd worked so hard to get, the tattoo he'd had for over half his life, was like erasing a part of him.

"Kakashi, I'm not doing this to hurt you." She was speaking softly, as if he was a child, belying the sharp pain she was inflicting on him. He was certain his arm was going numb. Well, that would be a pleasant bonus. "This might save your life."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "My life that you're trying to end anyway?"

"No matter what you think I'm not trying to get you killed, Kakashi." Tsunade fished around in her desk drawer with her free hand and pulled out a small vial. Uncorking the vial with her teeth she let go of Kakashi's arm, clenching her hand into a fist and holding it over the container. A substance Kakashi could only guess was ink flowed out from her hand, and after a moment she jammed the lid back on the bottle. He studied his left arm curiously. There was now only a burning red shadow where the tattoo used to be.

"That'll go away in a couple of hours," Tsunade explained. "The skin cells just generally object to having their pigment removed."

Kakashi just shrugged. Surprisingly enough, seeing the tattoo was gone made him feel strangely freed of responsibility.

"I'll keep this here," Tsunade shook the vial lightly and placed it on the edge of her desk, "For when you return, if you'd like to keep it."

"Yes." He couldn't be bothered arguing that he probably wouldn't.

"Also, that hitai ate is a dead giveaway. Wear this instead." Tsunade handed him a small box.

Kakashi stared at it without opening it. "What is it?"

"It's a solid contact lens. You won't be able to see through it, so the Sharingan won't affect you, and it'll just make it look like you're blind in one eye to other people. It's less detectable than just covering it, as it blocks any chakra leakage."

Kakashi pulled his hitai ate off and folded it carefully on the desk, feeling naked without it, and opened the box. The lens worked exactly as she had said, though it felt incredibly strange to have his entire faced bared to the public.

"We should do something about that hair of yours," Tsunade muttered, "But dye won't last an a henge is asking for trouble. You might be nondescript enough if you tie it up."

Kakashi did as directed, scraping whatever hair he could into a short tail at the nape of his neck. He didn't like tying his hair up, but he was no stranger to it. As ANBU member Hound he had always tied his hair back.

"I think you're ready." Tsunade nodded, satisfied with herself. "You know where you're going and what you're doing, right?"

Kakashi nodded. The longer he spent in this office the more determined he was that he had to make it back alive, and he was now itching to go out and get started. The mission would be difficult and unpleasant, but the sooner he left the sooner it would possibly be over. "Is that all?" he asked curtly.

Tsunade reached out to him and then thought better of it, dropping her hand. "Please don't hate me for this, Kakashi," she said quietly. "You _are _the only one properly suitable for this, and if you come back in one piece I'll grant you anything you want. Understand that this is a difficult decision a leader has to make for the sake of her village."

Kakashi stubbornly stared out the window, refusing to look at her. "May I go now?"

Tsunade sighed deeply. "Yes, you may. Good luck."

**o0o**

Iruka groaned and rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. The sun was glinting off the windowsill and straight into his eyes and that was the last thing he needed right now. His head was splitting painfully down his left temple and his limbs felt loose and floaty, like they didn't belong to him. "I am never drinking again," he moaned.

Suddenly he sat bolt upright, immediately cursing himself as his head swam and stars dotted his vision. "I didn't drink anything," he said slowly. "So why do I feel hungover?"

By the light outside it was nearing sunset, which just added to the weirdness, and he was in bed dressed in a loose pair of sweatpants. Someone had kindly placed a glass of water and a couple of aspirin on his bedside table, and he gulped them down thankfully. "Probably Kakashi," he theorized, then turned pale and dropped the glass. "_Kakashi._"

Iruka ignored the water spilling out over his carpet and forced back the covers, stumbling as his feet hit the floor. "I am going to _kill_ that man when I find him," he growled, but as he searched his living room, his bathroom and his kitchen he had a slow sinking feeling in his gut that he wasn't going to find him.

Returning to his room and placing the glass back on his bedside table, Iruka turned to his wardrobe, mouth a thin, hard line. "I guess there's only one place to go now."

**o0o**

Tsunade wasn't surprised to see him, though she seemed a little off-put by the way he ignored the ANBU guards and disrupted her meeting. She dismissed the jōnin in front of her and turned to him, waiting expectantly.

"Where is he?" Iruka demanded.

Tsunade shook her head and rubbed her temples tiredly. "Everyone is just so damned rude today," she muttered.

Iruka just barely stopped himself from yelling, calling on all his years of practicing democratic politeness in order to stay calm. "Tsunade-sama, where is Kakashi?"

Tsunade stared idly at her nails. "He is on a mission, the details of which are classified."

She redirected her attention to Iruka, who was now fuming so much she could practically see smoke coming out of his ears. "What, exactly, did he say to you about what he has to do?"

"He said you gave him two choices," Iruka said, breathing deeply through his nose in an attempt to keep calm. "To take the mission, or go missing-nin."

Tsunade nodded thoughtfully. "That's not all, though, is it? He must have said something else to make you react like this."

Iruka glared at her. "He said he didn't think he would be coming back."

"Oh?" Tsunade looked surprised. "I take it he didn't mention that I gave him three options, not two."

"Three?"

"I did not tell him he would have to defect should he refuse the mission, though he has always had that choice. I simply told him that, should he refuse it, I would give it to the next best person suitable."

Iruka frowned. "And who is that?"

Tsunade smiled at him. "You are."

**o0o**

Kakashi tripped, barely catching himself against the trunk of a tree. He'd run for the first few hours, hoping to put as much distance between himself and Konoha as possible, and he'd sorely overestimated his energy levels. He felt dizzy and the hard contact was beginning to irritate his eye. "I really should have eaten something before leaving Iruka's," he muttered to himself.

Tsunade hadn't given him much by way of food. He was supposed to be a deserter, a shinobi of genin level who was riled by the fact he couldn't manage to advance in rank. Ration bars were out, so she'd tossed in a couple of apples and a pear. "You know how to hunt, right?" she'd said, and he'd agreed. That was, of course, before he'd seen the crappy quality of the weapons she'd given him. They must have come from a reject bin somewhere, because kunai this badly bladed should be illegal to sell. Still, he'd worked with worse, and at least she'd given him a plate and a water bottle. And a bowl. _Generous._

She'd also been kind enough to provide him with a fair amount of chakra wire, and he figured that would work well enough to fashion a semi-decent snare. Provided there were rabbits in the area, of course.

He rubbed his eyes and kept trudging along, figuring he should probably find the best place to sleep tonight before dealing with his hunger. The forest wasn't a forgiving place, and he didn't exactly want to die via bear before he even reached his target.

It was another two hours before he found a suitable place, and by then the sun had gone down and a chill wind was picking up. "No rabbit tonight, then," he muttered as he bit into an apple. They, like all sensible people, would be tucked up in bed with their soft, fluffy lovers. At least the place he'd found was out of the wind, a naturally formed shallow cave that would do as shelter from any sort of violent weather. He'd considered putting up traps to keep himself somewhat protected before remembering he was supposed to be some sort of bumbling genin, so he set up an obviously placed chakra-wire trip cord instead. As he pulled a mangy, tattered blanket out of his pack and wrapped it around himself he cursed Tsunade for the hundredth time. How was he supposed to act like a bumbling genin when he'd never actually had the chance to be one?

**o0o**

"Me?" Iruka was dumbstruck. "I'm sorry, but Kakashi and I just don't operate on the same level professionally. I can't be qualified for a job that he's recommended for. It makes no sense."

"I chose you for a different set of reasons," Tsunade said, though it didn't seem she was going to explain what those reasons were. "But I'm curious as to what your choice would have been, had he spoken to you properly. Would you have let him go, or would you go yourself? Or, perhaps, would you have fled the village with him and gone missing-nin?"

It was beginning to dawn on Iruka that he had been used, yet again, in an attempt to bait and control Kakashi. And this time it had worked. He was going to have to figure out something to do about that. "I would take the mission," he said stoutly.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "You don't even know what it was."

"No, but I do know that Kakashi should still be in bed instead of going back to work so soon," Iruka countered.

"He might be getting better faster if all he did in bed was sleep," Tsunade said pointedly.

Iruka frowned. "Excuse me?"

Tsunade tapped the side of her neck and grinned at him. "You have a little fun recently?"

Iruka slowly brought his hand up to his own neck, feeling the beginnings of a bruise. _Damn it, Kakashi. _He fought to keep the blush out of his face. "With all due respect, I don't think that – "

Tsunade gave a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "With all due respect, Iruka, who are you more loyal to? Konohagakure, or Hatake Kakashi?"

"What?" Iruka's eyes grew large and round.

"I sent him on that mission because he was the best candidate and the only person capable of getting the results needed at this point in time. The fact that he is not in top condition right now will actually help him survive, no matter how much he doesn't like it. That mission is imperative to the safety of this village, and as a leader I have to put the safety and needs of all of my people in front of the life of just one man, no matter how I feel about it personally. For what it's worth, I believe that Kakashi is tenacious and hardheaded enough that he'll survive, if just to spite me. His survival calculations didn't take into account his own stubborn-ass personality."

"Kakashi believed he was not the only one who could complete this mission," Iruka said slowly, rubbing his temples. The headache from earlier was not going away and trying to think made the drumbeat on the inside of his skull twice as heavy. "Actually, he believed that he couldn't. I know that the village comes first. But don't you think that he has suffered enough?"

Tsunade sighed heavily. "We have all suffered, Iruka. And we all have to make sacrifices. I cannot say anything to comfort you. All you can do is wait for him to come back."

Iruka glowered. "_If_ he comes back."

Tsunade nodded gravely. "Yes, if he comes back."

**o0o**

He was still tired, his neck was aching from how he'd slept –when he'd finally managed to sleep – and his face was cold, but at least he'd be eating soon. Kakashi stared into the fire and tried not to think about being back in Iruka's bed and wrapping himself around the chūnin like a blanket, ignoring the way his stomach whined piteously. He hadn't realized just how warm his flak jacket usually kept him, and he was beginning to miss it sorely. The early morning sun's feeble rays did little to penetrate the dark tangle of forest he was holed up in, and the dew on the grass soaked through his trousers without mercy.

He'd managed to trap himself a rabbit and skinned it with some difficulty, given his unwieldy tools. He'd never been a big fan of rabbit, but now it was cooking he decided it smelled like the tastiest thing in the world. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten a proper meal.

It did taste decent, he had to admit, even though he'd almost nodded off partway through cooking it and it had ended up a little more chargrilled than he'd have liked. In any case, his stomach was no longer complaining and he figured it was time to move on.

He stomped out the fire, remembering just in time that he didn't need to eradicate all signs of his passing, and slung his backpack over his shoulder. _Onwards to River Country, I suppose, _he thought. By his estimate it wasn't too far from here, and once he reached some sort of township he could possibly rest up for a day or two. Tsunade's assumption that him being slightly malnourished and unfit would help him gain access into the enemy's lair was all well and good, but he wasn't exactly comfortable with wandering headfirst into danger chakra-less and exhausted.

There was no path, but Kakashi trusted his inner compass. He'd decided to adopt a leisurely pace instead of running, as he really had no intention to get to where he was going any time soon and he didn't see the point in wearing himself down further. Making noise as he walked was something that made him uncomfortable, but he figured it was something he should practice while he was still in relative safety, within the Land of Fire's borders. He did want the enemy to find him, after all, and genin did not slink through trees like ANBU shadows.

The journey was largely uneventful, leaving his mind free to wander. He was cross with himself for giving in to Tsunade so easily, but it was in his blood not to disobey orders and he had fought harder than usual to get his own way. He wondered when, exactly, his loyalty for Iruka had surpassed his loyalty to the village. Tsunade recognized this, of course. She hadn't become Hokage for nothing, and he did look up to her in a way. It was probably why she had pushed so hard to get him to go on the mission in the first place; if he valued Iruka more than the safety of the village, he was a liability. If the chūnin were to get kidnapped he knew that he wouldn't hesitate to drop anything and give chase, no matter the risk. Iruka had saved him, in no small way, and he wouldn't think before doing the same in return, giving up anything in order to get him back.

Iruka would probably chastise him for that, he realized wryly. Iruka very obviously held the village's interests of higher value than his own life, though he'd somewhat contradicted that standpoint when he'd taken Kakashi's side against all the shinobi who were willing to shun him primarily based on sexuality.

_Morals, _he thought. _Iruka has morals. _It was hard to find a shinobi over the age of eighteen with morals still perfectly intact the way Iruka's were. Somewhere along the line 'is this person really bad?' turns into simply 'kill or be killed' and one just can't afford to give people the benefit of the doubt. Kakashi wondered when his own morals had started blurring, when he'd stopped questioning whether he should be killing the person he'd been sent to destroy, but stopped pretty quickly. That line of thought gave him a headache, and he had a sickening feeling he really didn't want to know the answer anyway.

His musings had led him out of the forest and onto flat, grassy plains. At some point he'd crossed the border, and hadn't really noticed. Kakashi shook his head at himself. _Maybe I don't even need to pretend to be a genin if I'm going to make rookie mistakes like that anyway. _He realized too late he should probably have hunted for lunch before leaving the cover of the trees, and told himself resolutely that he wasn't particularly hungry anyway. His ribs still hurt somewhat, and he couldn't stomach a whole lot at a time so it was no big deal.

From the set of the sun he'd likely been walking for three or four hours. By his calculation he should be entering a small village in less than another hour, and he could definitely hold out until then. Hopefully the locals would be sympathetic to a poor lonesome traveller lost on the path of life.

**o0o **

Iruka flicked the small vial Tsunade had given him with a finger, and glared heatedly at it. He was severely ticked off, and his stomach had twisted itself into a labyrinth of knots, terrified that Kakashi would not actually come back. Though no stranger to strong emotions, this precise mish-mash was particularly unpleasant, and Iruka had no idea what he could do to fix it.

Tsunade had refused to tell him what was in the vial, except to say that it was important to Kakashi and therefore he should keep it safe. It just looked like ink to him, but there was something odd about the way the red and black stayed clearly separate even when he shook the vial, as if one was oil and the other water.

She'd also given him Kakashi's uniform, as the jōnin had left in some sort of disguise. His mind worked overtime trying to figure out what the mission was. It puzzled him, and no matter how he searched he couldn't find an answer; what sort of mission would be suited to both Kakashi and himself? They really had nothing in common, now that he thought about it, and particularly not in mission-useful skills.

Maybe that was why he enjoyed Kakashi's company so much. The jōnin was surprisingly adorable at times, and calm and unhurried in comparison to Iruka's own rushed and constantly moving. If he got to spend more time with Kakashi – _not if, when, _he thought vehemently – he figured Kakashi would be a good influence on him. Maybe he'd help him slow down a little and actually appreciate all the small things he claimed to enjoy but never had time to actually focus on.

**o0o**

His ribs hurt more than he'd expected them to. He'd run out of water half an hour ago, and his throat felt parched. For a place named 'River Country' the land sure as hell lacked running bodies of water.

He'd reached the village he'd predicted, but the streets were deserted. _Ah, the daimyo stole all their men. They're probably terrified of new males, _he realized. _They could be sympathetic towards me, but it's more likely they fear I'll bring the missing-nin back into their village. _His head throbbing, ribs aching, and his vision blurring, Kakashi decided the best thing to do would be collapse.

He awoke inside, a cool washcloth resting on his forehead and covering his eyes. He reached up to pull it off and found his hand covered by a smaller soft one. It took all of his power not to instinctively fight back.

"Leave it for now. You had heatstroke."

The voice was feminine, which he'd expected. He hadn't expected her to sound so authoritative, though. It reminded him a little of Iruka. "Why did you save me, a stranger?"

The woman smoothed his hair out of his face and he twitched at the unwelcome contact. "Our village is troubled. Despite succumbing to the sun, you look strong. I was hoping you would help us in exchange for food and rest."

He could tell it was a lie, or at the very least a part truth, but he got the feeling that what she was hiding was not dangerous. He decided it was best not to push the matter for the time being.

"May I ask what your name is?" the woman asked, adding quickly, "I am Rin."

_Rin._ Kakashi felt a pang of guilt at the name, and very nearly answered her with 'Kakashi'. "Shinji," he managed to croak out. "I am Shinji. And I do not think I am as strong as you perceive me to be."

"That's fine. I am glad you are an honest man, Shinji-san." Rin patted his arm, and he couldn't help but compare her to the Rin he had known, who knew better than to touch him so freely. "I would still like to help you. Rest up for now, and I will bring you some soup in a short while."

Kakashi's stomach rumbled, and Rin laughed softly. "It won't be too long."

He heard her get up and move away, making clattering noises as she picked up pots in what he assumed was the kitchen. He concentrated hard, trying to figure out if there was anyone else in the building, but came up blank. He couldn't register civilians as they generally lacked chakra, but at least there were no ninja nearby.

He was sitting up with the washcloth around his neck by the time Rin returned, and he thought abstractly that she was quite pretty, in a plain sort of way. She had freckled cheeks, long, black curly hair that was tied back loosely, and slanted, dark eyes. He placed her in her early twenties.

Her face pinkened when she realized he was studying her, and she held a bowl awkwardly out in front of her. "I brought you soup. I can feed you, if you want."

Kakashi smiled at her, eyes crinkling shut automatically, and held out his hands for the bowl. "It's fine. I can feed myself."

He didn't think she was likely to poison him, but he sniffed the soup cautiously anyway. It simply smelled like vegetable stock, and if it was laced with anything it was hidden well. He was too hungry to care, anyway. "Thank you."

Rin watched him eat, a practice he found uncomfortable, but he couldn't figure out a polite way to make her move. "You said that your village is troubled?" he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Rin bowed her head. "Yes. All of the men have been taken from us without explanation. Some of them left willingly, others by force, but none of them have returned. When we ask why they say it is not for womenfolk to meddle with."

"They?" Kakashi asked. "Do you know who is doing the taking?"

Rin shrugged dejectedly. "They wear masks to cover their noses and mouths, and dress like ninja. No one knows where they came from, though, and no one knows where they took the men. We can't really leave the village to search, because we cannot leave the children behind."

She looked up at him hopefully. "You are a ninja too, right? The weapons in your bag – they are not farming tools."

Kakashi gave her a lopsided smile, and tried to look harmless. "Not a very good one, I'm afraid. If I was, I'd never have been defeated by something as simple as the sun."

"Oh." Rin's face fell, and then hardened in determination. "You are still a ninja, though."

"You think I can get your menfolk back?" Kakashi asked, genuinely curious.

"I don't know if you can do it or not," Rin answered truthfully, "But when you leave I want to go with you."

Kakashi frowned. That would be very dangerous. "I'm afraid it's too risky." He worked his face into an apologetic expression. "I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

Rin turned her face away, tinting red. "I'd feel safe with you," she mumbled.

"You don't know me," Kakashi pointed out. "In fact, I could be just waiting for you to fall asleep so I could try to kill you."

"Oh no, no, you wouldn't do that," Rin assured him. "You're much too handsome."

Kakashi blinked in confusion. "Handsome?"

Rin just shook her head briskly, cheeks now flaming red, grabbed the bowl out of his hands and spun off to the kitchen, muttering something about dishes. Kakashi watched her go, nonplussed. He had no clue what was going on there, but she didn't seem like she was going to attack him and he was tired, so he figured he'd just get some more sleep. He could work out a plan in the morning.


End file.
